anxiety about my boyfriend and him doing drugs

[Bf_anxiety]

I'm 17 and so is my boyfriend, and recently he has started spending more time with this one friend who has now got him into drugs. he had smoked weed before and drank and I tolerated that, but now he has just told me that he's done coke and wants to do more along with acid. I have expressed that I have really bad anxiety about him doing it and that I think his friend is a really bad influence. when he told me I broke down crying and had a panic attack. I have explained that he doesn't know what he's putting in his body and that is only concerned for his well being. I have also told him that I really hate his friend, mostly because he acts like a dick when he's around him specifically towards me. I don't know why I feel like this. I don't want to control him but I really don't want him hanging out with him. he also has ADD and ADHD which means he is only making his brain more damaged. I don't know what to do. I have a panic attack each time I think about it.

[Croix]

Dear BF anxiety~

Seeing someone you care about go off the rails is terribly upsetting, and I'm not at all surprised you react as you do when talking about this with him.

As you have said this freind of is a terrible influence, not only about the drugs, but by changing his behavior towards you. It's not surprising really, you stand for all that is sensible and caring.

I guess you have to face the fact your influence is limited, and that at 17 he is - for right or wrong - making his own decisions.

Apart from yourself is there any one else your BF might listen too? If you ring our 24/7 Help Line on 1300 22 4636 they may be able to tell you what services in your area can be recommended, he really does need professional help, the hard part is to get him to realize there is a problem.

Frankly I'm concerned about you, facing the ongoing worry about your BF, and at the same time being treated badly when he is with his freind. Having panic attacks is pretty horrible and a sign you may need medical help to overcome all this anxiety

Can I suggest you see your GP in a long appointment and set out what you are feeling and how you are reacting?

Getting support can be a real help, but I don't just mean medical, are there others you can lean on? A family member or friend who will care and be there for you? Trying to face this in isolation is very hard

Croix

[Doolhof]

Hi Bf anxiety,

Welcome to the community here. I'm sorry to read about the situation you are in with your boyfriend. It can be difficult at times to make people understand the harm they are doing to their bodies. Your boyfriend may not think he is doing anything wrong nor believe the drugs can be harmful.

Can you encourage your boyfriend to hang around with you more than his friend?

Unfortunately some people may not give up their drug taking due to the high it provides them. Can you think of other ways your boyfriend can find enjoyment and pleasure out of life?

Do yo get on with his parents or possible siblings? Could you talk to them about how you are feeling and your concerns?

Hope he decides his life is worth more than drugs!

All the best from Dools

[Bf_anxiety]

thank you so much for your reply.

[Bf_anxiety]

thank you for your reply. he says he just wants to tick them off his list, almost like a bucket list. the thing is he has ADD and ADHD and is soon to get a brain scan. he said he would stop if his brain is worse, and a little (maybe a bit more) hopes it is so he can realise what it is doing to him. but I'm kinda concerned that he won't even if it is. I just want to make sure he doesn't become addicted or he realises he needs to stop.

[geoff]

Hello Bf, thanks for posting your comment.

At his age it's easy to become addicted, not that everyone does, but a real concern as it only leads onto other heavier type drugs and that's not only a worry for you but also to those who are reading this.

'This friend of is a terrible influence and by also changing his behaviour towards you' as Croix has said, and 'to give up their drug taking due to the high it provides' as Dools also said, these are both critical and maybe difficult for you to talk to him about, only because they make him change into somebody else.

You won't be able to talk to him while he is using them because he may agree to everything you say, that's what's happened to me when I was talking to an elderly chap's son who was taking his father's money to feed his addiction, but his attitude changed early the next day.

Your b/friend's mate has to somehow go, and while he is still there is always a temptation, and if any transactions are made then there is a great concern for you.

Hope you can get back to us.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

[Bf_anxiety]

thank you for your reply. I have been able to talk to him about his attitude towards me and has now changed this. I am now just awaiting his decisions depending on what he's gonna do about the drugs. fingers crossed that he comes to the realisation that it's not a good path to go down.