Anger towards people excessively spending "unneccessary" things for their own self pleasure

[Guest_9546]

I know many people in this generation (in particular the younger ones) like to look good, have beautiful cars, have a big beautiful house with a water view and swimming pool, have lots of good looking clothes, have nice fancy make up, enjoy life, celebrate their birthday, etc but to me I'm the complete opposite, I absolutely hate that and I think that people are wasting their time and money on useless stuff

I think of this generation to be "self centred" where people are spending money on make up and gel to make themselves look better, whether in public or in private. I absolutely hate that because I think that's unneccessary. Who needs to look good in public? No one will look down upon you if you look bad (except maybe an employer who want's neatness in his/her workplace) unless you go to a job interview (and I guess a meeting)

I also get mad when males (in particular) put earings on their ears. I'm not trying to come off as racist but in particular when I see asian males with earings, it makes me so mad

When males (in particular) go to the gym, lift weights, have big muscles and show it off, I get just as annoyed

I think of this generation to be "retarded" because I feel that people are spending unneccessary money on this such as self pleasure but they wouldn't save that money up for something better such as a house (considering how ridiculously expensive houses are in Sydney)

The only people I don't have anything against are just everyday normal people who don't spend excessive money on self pleasure and who work super hard

I know someone who said (at my school) "I'm going to get a dog after my HSC" and then I said to him "are you sure you want one because it will take a lot of time to take care of them. You will need to toilet train them, walk them, wash/clean them, buy them at the rescue, buy food for them, I doubt you would have enough time to take care of them considering you plan to study full time at uni and have a part time job" and he tells he "I have my priorities"

God that just annoyed me (I dont have anything against dogs. I just dont like to have them as pets considering how much time you must devote to them and I just dont simply have the time to do that and am not bothered to. Even if they have mental health benefits and other benefits I would still not like to have them and would find another alternative which is less time consuming and less costly)

There are many more things which angers me which I wont name for now

Help

[JessF]

Hello tenebrosity, it seems that you get quite worked up about how other people live their lives, especially if it doesn't line up with the way you think they should think and behave. Given that we have no control over how others think, behave and live, how do you think this is going to work out for you in the future if you keep holding on to this anger?

[Guest_9546]

This is actually an interesting point and I have no idea how things will come out in the future.

I usually get angered at people who celebrate their birthdays because I think it is useless and a waste of time. Also I think that birthdays don't reflect much on you because physically and mentally you don't feel a year older (even though you are). The only people who I think are allowed to celebrate their birthdays are young children under the age of 13 since they need a happy childhood and the elderly who are 55+ because they don't have as long to live as the younger ones.

If people play computer/video games for self pleasure I wouldn't care (although I think I am wasting their time) because they are not excessively spending money for self pleasure (although they could be spending a super small fraction of their weekly income playing games) but if they spent excessive money on things like clubbing, concerts, etc I get so annoyed

If elderly people enjoy their life I don't care. I think they deserve it after many years of hard work. I also don't care as much if young children do (because it's part of their mental development)

So yes my anger goes into mainly the generation of teenagers to people in their late 50s

I usually avoid social events such as school formals because I get so triggered in rage when I see teenage high school students spend so much money on a formal (not just money to cover the formal but how everyone's so fussed on buying a new formal dress/suit just to look good when there should be dresses that look good)

I also get annoyed when people take excessive pictures. My cousin is a fan of taking photos, every party or so she takes photos and it angers me so much. Even an unnecessary visit to my aunt's house she planned (at one stage) to take photos, I said no and she just wanted photos.

So yeah my plan is for next year and beyond I want to avoid seeing relatives because I don't want to see them wearing good clothes, or putting so much effort into their hair to look good because I hate it so much (as well as avoid being photographed)

I also found it particularly annoying when my Aunt retired early to enjoy her life and not continue work.

I think this generation of people are unfair. Other people have to live a hard life where they dont get to enjoy much wheras these people enjoy life to the max. I think it's just unfair. That's probably the main reason for why I am angered as well as people 'wasting money' which I hate....and yeah

[Gwynium]

cynicism is the worst thing to get caught up in. these people don't effect you, so try to not let it bother you. If you've got the money to do things, you've all the right to enjoy your life. In the end, the meaning of life is subjective and what you make it, so why not try enjoying it?

[Guest_9546]

My sincerest apologies for not responding to this topic for so long but I think I have OCD because of the fact that I am constantly disagreeing and getting angered towards how others live their lives. I will be seeing a psychologist to help me get out of this

[swtpotato]

Hi tenebrosity,

Thought I would post on this thread as well.

No worries for not replying, it is your own thread so you can use it however you like.

When you go to the psychologist, make sure you explicitly say you are worried/think you have OCD because of xyz, and make it clear you are anxious about getting some kind of diagnosis. They will be able to help settle these worries. Don't feel like you have to commit to the first one you go to as well.

For now think about the irritability/anger that is driving these thoughts, not the people themselves, and the effect it has on you. Not to say you can 'fix' it or anything, just a different way to perceive the 'problem'. It helps to know that therapy will be great for this kind of thinking and the feelings that follow from it.

Hope the psychologist goes well and you are managing things ok.

- m

[Guest_9546]

Hi Swtpotato

Sorry for the delayed reply

I like the response you gave me because now someone actually understands where I am coming from (even I didn't seem to realise that funnily enough)

Could this me getting angry at people for their "senseless" actions be a symptom of anxiety? (because that's what I have)

[dragonflies]

Hi tenebrosity,

I can relate to what you have said. I can be cynical and pessimistic. If Im being honest when I was younger I was caught up in being self absorbed, wanting to conform and be 'better' than others. Now I despise it. I agree with birthdays, clothes, going to concert, makeup etc - spending so much money and for what!! I literally wear my parents old clothes, 'outfit repeat' every single day and wear whatever I think is comfortable. I will often just go to op shops now because walking into a store to see a top costs $50+ just makes me think woah what has the world come to.

What I wanted to say which I hope helps you see another viewpoint is that you can believe all of that but not be it and feel it. eg I agree with majority of your feelings towards everything but I don't let it all get to me anymore - I don't let myself physically feel the anger. I recognise it and let it go - I'm never going to be able to change how the world works. I try to look at in a funny way and just think it is hilarious how someone can spent $$$ on a wallet when my wallet can hold money in exactly the same way.

I believe we should live our lives for ourselves, and do things that make us happy - can't control anyone else except us. For example when you see someone who has spent god knows how much on a ball dress, instead of thinking woah how could they do that just try to think hey I saved so much more on my clothes that I can have more money to do other things - focus on yourself, the positive side and put your energy into your own life. (In saying that I didn't even go to my ball because I hated getting dressed up)

Anger is a horrible emotion. What a lot of people don't realise is anger is only felt by YOU. Eg Someone has done something to make ME angry. They are not angry about it. No one around them is angry. My dogs not angry etc. The ONLY person who is having to experience and feel that horrible anger is ME. I have to feel yucky and bad. So when you think hard about it whats the point in feeling that deep anger if its only hurting you and making you feel worse. You can say 'yeh I'm angry' but at same time you can train yourself to not feel it, I was a very angry person and now I feel so much better after practicing this. When you see someone celebrating birthday sure say you're angry, but learn how to let go and not feel it because its only felt by you, certainly not by the person whose birthday it is. You don't deserve to feel anger, no one does.

dragonflies

[Guest_9546]

Hi dragonflies

I know that I have no control over the lives of others, I have control over my life and just mine and that people have the right to live their lives in whatever way they wish to

Thing is due to my narcissistic attitude to people, I still get angered no matter what they do. E.g. a few years ago my cousins and I went to the beach to hang out and my cousin decided to be generous to all of us and spend like $100 in total on ice cream. At first I thought it was really kind of her to do that but then a few weeks later I realised if she could do such a thing for my cousins and I, she would probably be spending a lot more when she hangs out with her friends and her husband. That eventually triggered me in rage and I told my mum and she's like, let your cousin spend as much money as she wants, it's her money not your's in fact be thankful for the fact that she spent so much money for you and your cousins on icecream considering it was hot. Still triggered in rage at her, even today, not because of the spending excessive money on icecream situation but also when she has this immediate desire to take photos and such, yes I get people want to take photographs and such because it's for the memories but wait to like many years later and when you want to look back at all those joyful memories when you were younger, there'd be way too many photos to go through, like I wouldn't bother doing that

I know I said this but I am angered (usually) because I do not tend to agree with the way people live their lives and sometimes it can actually affect me such as when they want me to be photographed or I see them in their fancy clothes that they wear when they're going out. Even my dad can get fussed about my clothing etiquette at times and there will be incidents where I will get angry towards him for insisting me to wear "nice clothing" when I think it's really irrelevant

Also another thing that angers me is people getting spoilt with excessive things such as clothing. I was never spoilt and glad I wasn't.

I think the best thing to be honest is to avoid these people. I think I will need to learn to accept this with meeting up with friends. Also with regards to birthdays, I am not only angry at people for celebrating their birthdays (because I think they're useless) I am now starting to become traumatised by them (because of the fact that I have had bad experiences happening on my birthday) but that isn't related to the topic so I won't discuss it too much here.

[dragonflies]

Yeah, everyone has different values and attitudes towards life. Im sorry to hear yours is so cynical as I can only imagine it takes its toll on just you. I may be wrong but from hearing your experiences and how it makes you feel it sounds like its easy for you to overthink situations and obsess on thoughts and in turn affect your life and relationships. I can do this too trust me. My aunty is so self absorbed that I actually hate her a lot and feel that hatred and anger when she hasn't actually done anything wrong at all except just be who she it

Im wondering if you understand what I was trying to say about anger only being felt by you, the rage you feel isn't felt by e.g. your mother and cousin. Because if so, do you think its nice to feel rage and angry? Does it make you feel better? If it doesn't, then whats the point in letting yourself get so worked up about it and experience full on rage inside? (I understand you can't help it, like myself) Do you agree with any of that or?

I experience anger, I literally lose it anytime, e.g. if my sister has a friend over and she has a shower and uses a towel. I can't stop thinking about how she could've just had a shower before hand, how my sister could've said no and not come and dirty something that I will have to clean (I do the washing and my sister does f* all). All I've managed to do, over a LONG time, practice and encouragement from my dad was to stop and recognise that Im angry rather than being completely consumed by it. Once I was able to recognise it and go oh hang on, I'm angry, why should I have to feel this way, and way way later only now am I better at letting things go QUICKER than before, I'll still feel it at first. Sounds like you've a hard time letting go of anger. Like if you fought with mum would you hold onto a grudge for ages? My dad and I had month on months fights. We've both progressed to move on after a fight in literally matter of hours. It helps a lot in moving on to other parts of life

Im happy to listen and chat if you'd like to talk about anything else? I can be here to try support you

I hope change your mind about avoiding people, I reckon it'll only lead down a dark path - facing your problem right on could be first step to managing and living with it? Try tell yourself family is important no matter how stupid and annoying they are. Sometimes putting on a fake smile and acting all cheery is the best we can do. You may subconsciously convince yourself you're not angry...