Am I going through Depression

[Kyle3]

I've had about 80-90% of the "symptoms" and I'm going through a really rough time right now.

I can see my friends and family slowly become more aggressive towards me, My mum just kicked me out and I'm now living with my dad. They both believe I have a "Video Game Addiction" and I feel this was started by my mums new boyfriend. I clearly don't have an addiction because I'm never late for my "job" even if I play till late hours. I also do complete tasks around the house. 

I look at myself and don't think I'm ugly but when I'm in public I feel like everyone is looking at me and I feel like I can hear them talking about me and if someone laughs I feel like they're laughing about me.

the reason I feel I'm always trying to get on my computer is because it's where I don't have people watching me or I don't have someone judging me (except when I suck at the game :3) and when I laugh and smile it's genuine and not something I do just to make the other person happy.

my parents don't understand this and I'm not one to talk about my feelings so they probably never will, I'm always thinking about my past and my choices and most of the time I got to bed sad. I don't feel like killing myself nor could I ever actually harm myself but I have had thoughts of just sleeping at the train station instead of going home so they wouldn't have to deal with me.

but then I get onto my computer and start a YouTube video like PewDiePie and I laugh and completely forget about my depressing thoughts that day, and when I'm called to dinner and I'm eating with the "family" overtime the thoughts come back.. 

reading back on that I guess it sounds like an "addiction" like someone on drugs but it's not like I'd sell my limbs just to get at the computer or even if I'm away for a weekend I'm not itching to get back it's just if its there id rather be on it than be upstairs talking to people. 

Im not sure what to do, I had an argument with my mum and it turns out we were having completely different arguments, she was talking about me and my games and I was talking about my recent thoughts.. Even after I pushed myself to tell her a little about what I'm feeling the next day she treats me like trash and forgets all about it. I think that's what set off my argument.

I just don't know what to do and I'm not sure how to proceed in my life

[white knight]

Hi Kyle3, welcome

Part of growing up is to consider seriously peoples replies to you even if you don't like what their opinion is. So I'm hoping you think about these replies for what they are- replies to try to help you.

everything and I mean everything in life should have measured input in our lives not excess. Excessive work ethics, alcohol consumption, TV, hobbies and so on can become negative parts of our lives when they are in excess. Years ago my then defacto wife became concerned about the countless hours I built my model airplanes. Perhaps it wasn't obsessive but it was at least excessive and protruded into my sleep time. We all know that mental struggles needs more sleep so I was on a spiral down into some sort of breakdown. I didn't see it. So I'm wondering if you realise how many hours you are on these video games?

Also video games don't contribute towards your future in any practical way. Therefore it should be an activity you use for say an hour here and an hour there and that should be enough "fun" to escape reality for a while. Beyond that and you are missing out on other things you could be learning at even if its a documentary on TV...its learning more than a video game.

As for your depression we cant diagnose you. And ne aware that some symptoms are mirrored in us for other reasons. Mental illness is a complex state of affairs and that why we have GP's and psychiatrists to deal with it. Ask your parents to take you for a check up at a GP doctor as the first step.

Your post was well written. You are quite articulate. Don't waste too much of your talents on video games that will never contribute towards your future in any meaningful way.

Tony WK

[Ellie05]

Hi Kyle,

I'm sorry to hear you're going through such a tough time - it's always rough when things aren't going well with family.

As White Knight already mentioned, only a medical professional can diagnose you with depression. However it does sound as though you have symptoms of both social anxiety and depression so I'd definitely recommend making an appointment with your GP as there are effective treatments for both of these things. There's absolutely nothing wrong with having a passion for gaming, however it sounds like you're using it to distract yourself from interacting with people, which can be detrimental to your mental health in the long run. I used to have a lot of issues with social anxiety when I was younger - treatment and life experience really helped me overcome it and it's made a huge difference to my quality of life.

As a side note, what games do you enjoy most? I recently read an article which linked playing video games to an increase in cognitive abilities such as memory, attention and decision making. I was thinking of getting myself a games console!