Always feeling lonely and as if everyone hates me

[spicyfoodlover]

Hi there,

I am new to this website so I'm not really sure how to start this forum thread.

I'm here for advice on my feelings and situation. It seems as if I've always felt like everyone hates me. I was shocked to find an old journal from when I was around 10 (I am turning 16 soon) where I wrote that the thing that made me most sad was "all of my friends hate me" because almost 6 years later, that feeling and fear hasn't changed one bit. I always feel lonely. I've never had a best friend, someone who I am confident likes me just as much as I like them. Every lunchtime, I feel as if I am unwanted by my friends to sit with them.

I just had my high school ball. I found out afterwards that everyone else in my group attended a ball pre-party that I was never invited to, nor was I made aware of. I'm not sad that I wasn't invited, I'm just sad that it seems like everyone planned something without me even knowing. If I was invited and someone else in my group wasn't, I 100% would've asked the organizer if that person could attend, or told them about it. I guess it just stung quite a bit to see the people in my group post photos of them having fun together all over social media afterwards, especially since I have always felt excluded. Is that normal or am I overreacting?

I am so tempted to just switch groups, but I can't. My other friends all sit in separate groups, & if I was to join one of their groups then I'd just feel really anxious that the rest of their friends in that group wouldn't want me there either (does that make sense?). I would honestly rather just sit on my own at lunchtimes now, but then I am anxious that they would talk crap about me behind my back even more.

I found out that one of the friends had screenshots of what I had written on twitter on her laptop. When I confronted her, she denied it and then finally admitted it but would not show me the screenshots. I have worried about it ever since. I am worried she sent screenshots to other people, because it was a private account I made where I can vent my true feelings.

I am so sorry this thread is a mess. I have never gotten professional help, as I'd feel like I'm stealing help from someone who actually needs and deserves it. So I guess I'll just post my many problems on here for now and see how it goes.

If you have read all of that, thank you so much for reading. If you can, please do share some advice on how I should deal with my feelings at this point in time. ~ Spicyfoodlover.

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi spicyfoodlover,

Welcome to the forums and thanks for reaching out and being here.

Before I jump in and reply - you absolutely deserve to be here. There's no 'criteria of shit things that has to be happening in your life' that you have to meet before joining the forums 🙂 . Everyone is welcome.

I'm in my 20's now so I'm not sure how helpful I can be given that I've gone through school - but if it helps at all know that everything you said resonated so much with my experiences at school too.

I know for me my 'pre-ball party' was a school camp at the school grounds (very inventive hey). We all brought our own tents, but one friend had a big tent and everyone piled in there. Despite there being room for me it was "just too cramped for one more", so instead I slept in a tent just for me. So I do get it.

I think what you're feeling is totally normal and not overreacting at all. It's not really fair that you're being excluded from things;- whether it's a ball pre-party or just general conversations.

So how to deal - from me personally, try to remember that this is only one part of your life even though it's a big part right now, and know that what you're feeling is totally normal and not overreacting. I think the worst part is sometimes not what happens but how we feel about it and how much we get ourselves down for it. It's also totally okay if you want to seek out professional help - I found it pretty helpful and you might too.

[Jackson85]

Hey spicyfoodlover,

I think romantic_thi3f is pretty on the money, and I totally agree that you definitely deserve your place on these forums, or in a professional help setting, or wherever. Sometimes when we feel a bit excluded we forget that we have a rightful place in this world, and it's totally fair to take it!

Before I theorise, I want to say that feeling excluded at school is SUPER common and SUPER shit. It's a time where everyone is trying to figure out who they are and who they want to be, and they're trying out new behaviours (like exlcuding others), which aren't really "them", but they may be just trying it out to see how it feels. I know that since I've grown up a bit, I've got in touch with others from school and apologised for things that at the time didn't seem that harmful, but now when I look back, may have been a bit alienating or insensitive.

The great news is, in my opinion, that as you get out of school and into a world where you get to make your own decisions, life just gets way better for stuff like this. You choose your own friends, or meet people through work, or through uni, or a hobby, or just at the pub! But no one forces you to hang out with anyone else, because you're not in classes or anything, so you can make your own world. That may seem daunting if you feel you don't have strong friends, but honestly, I just feel it gets easier and easier as you grow up and learn to be happy with who you are.

It would probably be helpful to talk to someone like a psychologist, if possible, because sometimes when we get ourselves into a strong mindset, for example, "I feel I'm unwanted by my friends", we can get stuck in that headspace, and start believing that over all else, even evidence that says that you ARE wanted.

I always had a few friends at school, but I didn't know real connection until I met my absolute best friend, my (now) wife, and once you make a connection with someone so strong, you realise that the rest is just waiting. All you can do to prepare is to learn to be ok with who you are, and that you're not going fit in with everybody (and rightly so!) School is just a super tough time because you get bunched in with others and everyone is expected to find their buddy. Your best friends/partners/buddies/mates are all out there, they're just waiting for you to turn up.

Hang in there, and definitely reply if you feel like it, you absolutely deserve this space 🙂