alone and sad with no support

[datasymphony]

hey

i'm posting this here because i'm lonely. like, really horribly lonely, i feel so isolated and alone and it's really really messing me up.

recently it feels like all my friends hate me. the past few months they snap at me more, ignore me, leave me out of a lot of things, don't talk to me etc. they all have group chats and organise things together with all of my friends in them but not me and it hurts so much, because they say they care but they clearly don't. i feel horrible and i've never really had many friends at all nor been supported but i feel so invisible and it's both isolating, frustrating and depressing.

my mental health has been really bad recently, too (i've been diagnosed with depression for four years now) and i'm so sad and so anxious and it feels like all this stuff is bubbling up inside me and it's too much - i have nowhere and nobody to talk about it with and every single time i ask for support people ignore me and it makes things worse.

i want to cry and scream, i want somebody to give me a hug and a pat on the back and just listen and tell me things will be ok. i want someone else to know what's going on in my head and i want love and validation, but i won't get it and i never have. i can't handle this on my own and everything being in my head all the time feels so bad and so overwhelming. there's nothing at all that stops my negative thoughts from running out of control, no positive validation to think back on and nobody to talk to when i'm feeling this way and it's horribly lonely and makes me hate myself so much. i'm lonely. i haven't left my house in a week and nobody's talked to me in longer. i don't go to school anymore so i don't see people regularly and i feel like i'm going crazy trapped in my own head and like i have to force myself to exist to other people - even then they ignore me, and it's pathetic and makes me feel beyond insignificant.

i used to go to therapy but my therapist decided to stop our sessions because we weren't making progress. i recently got referred to CHYMS but the intake worker said she wouldn't call back for another two weeks and it's too long - plus, i know i'm going to end up doing the same as i did in therapy and be incapable of talking about my feelings (i have severe social anxiety and aspergers and both make it extremely hard to talk about how i feel). i need help and i need support and i have neither of those things and i can't deal with this loneliness. i don't know what to do 😞

[geoff]

hello Datasymphony, we can hear you and feel very sorry for you, unfortunately 'friends' disappear from the radar when you have depression, they don't want to have anything to do with you, simply because they don't know how to talk with you and simply don't want to be concerned they have other things to do in their life.
Can I ask you to browse through the many sections on the BB site as there is much for you to read, it's always good for people to read other comments just to make them feel as though they're not alone, and you certainly are not by yourself here.
Have you contacted Headspace or Reachout both of these are excellent for talking with, plus the BB phone number you could also ring.
I would like you to reply back to us, that would be great. Geoff.

[demonblaster]

Hi Data 🙂

Well done talking here, hope it's released something for you.

Depression is a cruel thing and pulls us down every way possible majorly including how we feel about ourselves.
Sorry you feel so lonely and awful.

Do you do any excercise at all, sounds like probs not you haven't left the house in a while, walking can be quite stimulating and gets you out amongst life which is good too.

Doesn't sound much chop the psych letting you go, let's hope the next one has more to offer, mostly the one's I've seen have been good but there are not so good out there too.

Yes it'd be hard talking but all this built up crap needs to come out and excercise is a good release. Stress needs to be outta the body.

Although I have quite a lot of people contact I've recently realised too I'm lonely, lost my partner of 28yrs about 2 and half yrs ago. Horrible isn't it.
Have you thought about joining a club of some sort? Something that you participate in like a sport could help with the loneliness.

Hope you come back and talk more and as Geoff said, you're not alone here anymore 🙂

One of the biggest things I'm learning is we have to like ourselves for survival & healing.
Look for your goods and keep reminding yourself of them.

Go easy take care

[datasymphony]

hey thanks so much for the response. i've bookmarked some BB pages to read later.

i have tried calling headspace in the past but i always hang up before talking - social anxiety again, plus my asd means i don't really know how to 'do' phone calls, which is why typing is easier.

[datasymphony]

hi thanks for the response and suggestions. i normally get a bit of exercise and go on walks and such, but recently i've been struggling with low energy/motivation, and a weird fear of leaving my house, which i think is just anxiety talking. i'll try harder to get out of my house anyhow.

i'm definitely averse to the idea of joining a club or sports team (again, anxiety, ugh) but thanks for the suggestion. i hope my next psych will be better too. it's weirdly depressing feeling like you're not even good enough for a psychiatrist to be paid to talk to you lol

thanks for the suggestions and response again i really really appreciate it

[demonblaster]

You're welcome data 🙂

Yeah very hard when the motivations low and no doubt the anxiety would have a big impact too, good for you that you're going to try, even if just for a block to start with rather than a big huge walk.
Good that you usually do.

All best