Alone and confused

[laly18]

So this is my first time on here and I've never done anything like this before. I've had depression for a while but I have managed it until certain events occur in my life. One of those events are happening right now but this time I feel like I have nobody to talk to about anything. I feel completely alone.
It seems like every time I start to become happy something has to push me down again. At the moment, I have friends who have turned against me and my boyfriend is overseas and isn't talking with me. I feel so lonely, I cry myself to sleep everynight and question everything. It is a new relationship and he is away for a month. I don't feel like he cares at all, I feel like he's too busy to wonder what I'm doing. As for my friends, they have stabbed me in the back and it always seems to happen when I get into a new relationship. I have so many thoughts running through my head that I just don't know how to get everything out while making sense. Maybe I'm just overreacting, maybe I'm just confused. It's gotten so bad over the last few days that I don't even want to be at work, I just always want to sleep. I sleep through alarms. I always used to exercise - every day without a doubt, now I just can't be bothered. I don't know how to make myself feel better or even where to begin. There's so much more that is going on, mainly minor things that contribute to the big thing but everything is all muddled up in my head.
I don't know if anybody will be able to respond to this because if its confusing for me, its confusing for everyone. I get that. 😞

[JBlue23]

Hi laly18,

New relationships are always a stressful time when they involve being away from one another. It is a time that most of us are used to building a relationship within, and I can understand how difficult it would be. However, this is also in some ways a positive. I don't feel that this is a sign of a relationship gone wrong or falling apart, more that it is so early in the relationship and you haven't yet built the strong foundations. So I would not be concerned about the not talking at this stage. When he is overseas a resolution will not be easy to come by regardless of talking or not, so I think you are best waiting until he returns. There could be so many reasons he has not been in touch that are not at all negative, so please try not to stress, and just wait for him to come home and work through it together then. You will both be stronger for it.

I would also suggest speaking with your boss at work and explaining your situation about feeling upset and run down, and take a few days off to reset your mind and catch up on well needed rest. You said you used to exercise all the time and don't now, and this is something I have been through. But I forced myself to go a few days in a row and suddenly I am more into it than I have been before and it has helped clear my mind more than it ever had. Take some time away from work to refresh yourself, get involved in something you enjoy and remember that a month isn't that long, and when he gets back you can talk about it with him and work through all the issues both you and him have.

The most important thing though is to spend a few days calming yourself down and getting back to doing something that makes you happy and feel less stressed. It is amazing how much your perception can change when you are well rested and more clear-minded.

[Gruffudd]

Hi there laly,

Welcome to the forums,

Welcome to JBlue too, I like what you said there.

I think sometimes it all sounds confusing because it is confusing in real life - you are right about that. I think it helps organise it a little writing it down for the forums, and it makes sense enough for me what you wrote. I guess I felt like that too when I was younger, it was like everyone contributed to the problem and no one wanted to listen, but things did get better. Tell me if I'm wrong but there is more about you that is not written down here that I might find engaging, funny, interesting... you have talent in being who you are and can do plenty of stuff.

When I read your post it felt like there was a lot about what others were thinking and doing, and I wonder what you could do to counter that negative energy. Sometimes it helps to reword it so that your boyfriend is actually thinking of you whilst away (you are thinking about him so it is possible) and your friends are perhaps jealous because they would like what you have too but are still happy for you underneath.

Distractions are great. I am kind of simple, but I do like drawing, it feels good (I don't always share and often half are put away because I don't like them at first.) Walking the dog, I enjoy that. The best one for me though is a bit of time going shopping with my mum. What could you do to spoil yourself a little? What haven't you done in a while?

Rob.

[PatT]

Hi laly,

As Gruffudd said, welcome to the forums and it's great you've reached out. I'm sorry you're feeling like this at the moment and it sounds like you've fallen into a pretty deep pit that's hard to get out of.

First off, I must ask - why do you think your friends have stabbed you in the back and how? If they're mad at you for getting into a new relationship (and maybe spending less time with them?) are they really the types of friends you want in your life? If you can't even communicate how you're feeling with them at the moment they sound like lousy mates.

Secondly, your boyfriend is overseas and is probably busy with whatever he's doing. You can let yourself get swamped with a million possibilities of why he isn't speaking to you as much as you want, but the most obvious reason is that he is simply busy being overseas. Have you let him know that you're really missing him? Maybe he's simply too absorbed in being overseas and has forgotten that you're back at home with your own issues.

Thirdly, try and start exercising again. Even if it's just for short periods. Seriously. It will do you so much good, even if it's just walking in the sun. I always get into bad states without daily exercise and in your case it's just making your worries worse. You need to get back on your schedule and make some positive changes, maybe having some serious conversations in the process.

Lastly, if it's really really bringing you down, go have a chat with your GP and get a referral to a psychologist. If money is an issue they can put you on a mental health plan, meaning you get 10 free trips to see a psych. And you can always contact beyondblue and have a chat with someone, any time of the day on 1300 22 4636. Thanks for posting laly.

[Jack184]

Hi, laly

Can I just say that, when it comes to loneliness, I get it. My social life is pretty crazy, and sometimes I wonder who my real friends are. I know how hard it can be when it feels like there's no one there for you. I know it's a lot easier said than done, but if you're able to find anyone you feel like you can talk to, it will help. For starters, I'm happy to talk on this forum. You said that you don't exercise, and I know how hard it can be to try and persuade yourself to get up and do things when you're not feeling great, but maybe you should try it. Exercise is known to help you a feel a lot better.

I'm here to talk to you as much as you need to.

All the best,

Jack