Alcoholic abusive mum

[Sassyxxx]

I am 16 years old and live with my mum, she has been a heavy drinker for over 10 years atleast and she turns into a very nasty person when drunk, there's no physical abuse just verbal, she just talks to herself for hours saying the most horrible things and she is also delusional, she accuses me and my older brother of stealing her stuff and going through her room and if she looses her keys or something she will straight away blame us. Yesterday we were getting along fine and my brother was out all day, when she started drinking she started getting angry and abusing my brother who wasn't even home I just stayed clear and let her talk to herself but it's hard hearing all the things she says it makes me upset and angry . I've gotta move out cause she keeps saying she wants to be on her own. My brother has been staying with us for like a month now and it's been going well until last night she kicked him out on the street which she has done multiple times for no good reason . She needs to go to rehab but she never will I've asked her to stop drinking she says ok I promise , stops for a day or two and starts again but mostly she's drinking every night . She needs help what can I do?

[gld]

Hi Sassyxxx,

I feel the most important thing you could do is look after yourself.

It is understandable you are going through these emotions as there nothing more distressful seeing a loved one being consumed by addiction. What is going on with your mum is out of control but what is going on for you is something that you could improve to better your own well being.

Here is a great place to come to relieve some of your frustration as well as gaining support from others. There is a great organisation out there called Alanteen [If you are troubled by the drinking of someone close to you, please call 1300 ALANON (1300 252 666)]. There is also information sheets on there website. Other supports you could access is your family doctor to discuss the pressures you are currently under at present so you are able to find other supports that are available to you. Beyondblue have a great online phone line that is available to talk 24/7 on 1300 22 4636, sometimes it is great just to talk to someone when things are bad.

I feel that any sort of abuse has the power to become very taxing on our well being and when you say she is another person when she drinks it is probably a good thing to distance yourself from her when she is drunk. Some thing you could do is put your headphones on in your room and listen to music, visit a friend overnight if it is a difficult night and find other things that relax you.

Keep safe and access the supports you need to make your own well being improve.

Gen [Hugs]
 

[james1]

Hi Sassy,

I had an emotionally abusive mother who would also throw tantrums and I feel so sad to hear the things you wrote. Like you say, we can ignore it and sit in our room, but just knowing that she's raging in the next room is enough to bring someone to tears.

Gen had a great idea about visiting a friend overnight.

It's really important to just get out of the house. If you don't feel safe - and by that I mean emotionally safe - then you need to escape. I used to go for a walk down to the shops or a well-lit area in the park and just call people - friends or support lines.

Do you have any other extended family you could stay with?

James

[geoff]

hi Sassyxxx, I'm sorry to hear that your mother is an alcoholic, and a rather nasty one when she starts to drink, fortunately, some people who drink are just quiet, passive and wouldn't harm anyone, but when they are the complete opposite, it's unbearable.
Alcoholics can abstain for a day or two, and because they haven't had a drop, certainly doesn't mean they are not one, and not to be referred to as an alcoholic.
You have said that you want to move out and to me, that's a great idea, because your life will never be happy while you are tormented by her, all she wants in her life is the grog, her life revolves around that and nothing else.
I was a publican for a number of years and when someone came in either sober or drunk, it didn't matter becuse after a few drinks they became aggressive and a nuisance and had to be asked to leave.
The only way your mother can get the help she needs is when she decides that she has to stop drinking all together, and until then all she cares about is whether she has enough to drink.
Is it possible for you and your brother to rent a flat, maybe if you contact 1300 ALANON as Gld has mentioned, another place to go is to Anglicare, they provide flats/houses on a temporary basis, but more so will definitely help you.
Please get back to us. Geoff.

[Laurenn]

Hello,

When my mum and dad split up my mum met a new guy. With this new guy she began to drink ALOT more. When under the consumption of alcohol she becomes a very rude person as well and i often feel as if i can't deal with it. Pressure is put on you when it isn't your fault.

Just know you are not alone. You can contact others but even if you just need someone who understands to talk to i am around and there are others as well.

Its hard to tell your mum that she is making the wrong choice and needs to limit the drinking. If you had a supportive dad, aunty, uncle, grandparent etc. LET THEM KNOW. More people together make a bigger difference. Doing something about the issue will not only help you but it can help your mum as well.

[gld]

Hi Sassyxxx,

Love to know how you are going over your holidays.

Gen [Hugs]