Advice

[Guest_89565637]

Hi, I am having trouble with a situation and it has being bothering me a lot (making my emotions go up and down). So I was at uni and taking a drama storytelling class and the teacher, who is a casual made me feel uncomfortable. When my partner and I were asked to perform to a group we were assign, she came over to ‘help’ us with the other part of the acting. I was nervous because I had never done acting, so my body was stiff. After she told my partner what to do she turned to me and said something like you have to stay in character and not act like me who is back is hunched over and she proceeded to hunch over to show me what she was saying. During the moment I kind of smiled and didn’t feel anything. I just did what she was told and acted in character. She walked away without looking at me and said “Turn to the audience”. The group who were watching us saw and another 2 groups also was in the room. After this, she continued to show my partner what to do and as I was nervous and not sure what to do I just stayed still in my character’s position and my body facing the audience (because I remembered her telling me turn to the audience) She saw this and signed, pushed my right side of my waist to make me turn to her. This was when I felt weird. She acted it out and showed my partner how to do the acting. When we sat down for the discussion, the wild negative emotions came rushing to me. I felt like I was not respected and humiliated. Writing this really brought back the bad memories. For a few days I have been thinking if I was too sensitive, taking thing too personally or I have a fragile heart/mindset. However, on the other hand it’s taking a toll on my emotions. I really need some help with this. I would really appreciate if someone could help me with changing this mindset so it doesn’t make me feel emotional.

[Sophie_M]

Hi Ququ,

Thank you for sharing so honestly about what you experienced. First of all, we’re truly sorry that you had to go through this. University should be a place where you feel safe and respected by your teachers, whether you're alone or performing in front of a class. Trying to manage all of those emotions while also being in front of others must have been incredibly difficult, and it’s completely understandable to feel shaken afterward.

The feelings you experienced during and after the incident are absolutely valid. When something continues to linger days after it happens, it’s often a sign that it hasn’t sat well with us. Even if something is intended to be harmless or purely instructional, unwanted physical contact can be distressing. It’s entirely reasonable to have boundaries around not wanting to be touched.

Is there anyone at your university you feel comfortable speaking with, such as a course coordinator or someone from the wellbeing team? You deserve support in figuring out what to do next, and the university has a duty of care to ensure students feel safe and respected in class.

If you ever need someone to talk to, please know that the Beyond Blue Support Service is available online or by phone at 1300 22 4636.

Thank you again for sharing. It was incredibly brave to speak so openly here, and we’re really glad you did. We’re always here to support you.

Take good care of yourself 💙

Kind regards,
Sophie M
 

[sbella02]

Hey there,

Thank you so much for posting, and we warmly welcome you to the forums. I'm so sorry to hear that this has happened to you. What an uncomfortable situation this must've been for you.

How we feel is always valid. Your body has reacted in a certain way for a reason, and you've recognised that this was a moment in which you felt humiliated and not respected. It can sometimes be difficult to articulate how we felt in a specific moment, especially if we believe that we were disrespected, so I really admire the way that you have been able to name what you were feeling. You seem to be really in tune with your feelings, which is good.

I would like to echo Sophie_M's advice, in that speaking to a course coordinator, counsellor, or somebody within the wellbeing team may be a good way of receiving support after this incident. Speaking to loved ones who you would feel comfortable confiding in may also help give you some relief from these emotions that come up when you think about what happened. The more you are able to talk about it, the less power it will have over your emotions. This tends to be true for emotional expression in general, which is why things like journalling, exercise, and creative activities tend to be quite helpful - the more we let out that emotion, the less it will bother us.

I hope this helps, please feel free to keep chatting with us some more if you'd like, we're here to support you.

All the best, SB

[therising]

The warmest of welcomes to you 🙂

I 100% agree with sbella02. How you feel is valid, your ability to name what you felt is admirable and you seem to be in tune with your feelings. Our sensitivity (ability to sense) can be such an incredibly powerful and handy thing to have. While it can definitely make life challenging at times, to say the least, it can also help us develop our intuitive nature. 

To be able to gain a sense of what disrespect, humiliation, another person's intolerance and their lack of ability to inspire feels like, we have to be able to feel such things. Otherwise there's nothing for us to reference. I kind of look at it as developing an 'emotional dictionary' or reference in a way. For example, beside 'Disrespect' there will be what you feel and define as disrespect. Beside 'Overwhelming grief' there will be what you feel and define as overwhelming grief. Beside 'Complete joy and elation' there'll be what you feel and define as complete joy and elation and so on. Every time a new emotion or feeling comes up in life, we have the opportunity to develop a clear reference. So, when that emotion comes up again we can say 'Oh, I know what that is, it's _______'. 

I've found with such emotional self development, the better you get at it the better you become at sensing other people's nature. For example, 'I feel a sense of degradation within me that is only ever sparked by degrading people' or 'I feel a sense of inspiration in me that is fueled by someone who's soulfully inspiring'. Then there are the more intricate feelings such as 'I feel inspired by this person but something feels off'. This can point to being able to sense the inspiration someone's sending our way while also having an agenda. In other words, they have something to gain by inspiring us. Whether they're trying to sell us something or manipulate how or what we're feeling, we have the ability to sense an agenda in play.

I think one of the biggest challenges when it comes to being able to sense involves our ability to master the emotional volume dial or the emotional off switch. This is along the lines of 'I can feel or sense you being degrading and now that I can feel or sense that, I'll turn down or switch off my ability. I don't need to feel that emotional charge of 'degradation' anymore, now that it's alerted me to your nature'. Yes, I know, easier said than done. Being able to sense a person's nature is also what can help us gravitate toward or seek out the best guides/teachers. Btw, if there were any sensitives in the audience, I can pretty much guarantee that they could also sense that teacher's nature. I imagine you weren't alone in what you felt.