Advice on how to develop friendships at uni

InfinityDistribution · ‎08-09-2017

I'm currently in first year second semester and came into uni with hopes for a fresh start after the ordeal of high school. In first semester I had acquainted with a few different people during group tasks and tutorials, and got along pretty well with some of them, except since the semester ended I've never heard from anyone there again, even though I'd exchanged contact details with a few of them and had some pretty good laughs.
This semester I'm still trying to become friends with people, and there are people across a few of my tutorials who I could consider myself to be acquainted with, except I don't know how to take things further. It seems like everyone else everywhere can become friends with others effortlessly and are all sitting in groups in lectures and chatting to each other while I'm just sitting off on my own near the front, so if there is a strategy for developing friendships I would like to hear it.
Before anyone says I should join a club, I have - about four or five of them in fact. Except I haven't made any friends there, either. I think the problem is mostly that clubs seem to be dominated by tons of second and third-years who all already know each other and it's a bit hard for new guys like me to get in on the action. Essentially the same problem as the lectures with all the pre-existing groups. I have recently joined a science fiction club at my uni, which very recently started, so there isn't a whole lot of people in it.
I would like some advice or some pointers (hyperlinks) to some advice.

Guest_9546 · ‎08-09-2017

I'm not a university student but am basing my advice from friends who are in uni so take my advice to be a grain of salt. I apologise if I am coming off as arrogant as well (because I seem to be more "knowledgeable" than others)

I think that when it comes to making new friends in a place where you don't see your high school friends as often, it is crucial that you start socialising to people. E.g. took over an hour to get to uni or something you might chat the the guy/girl next to you and ask how was getting to uni and I guess tell your experience of having a hard time getting to uni because you took over an hour to get there, etc. After that I suggest that you should have a couple of conversations with another person then as you start to gradually know that person, introduce yourself, etc start talking more and I think that the more you do this the better (and more confident) you can get. Therefore you will be able to make friends with people (don't just do it to the one person though, you need to do it to many people)

As you said it may be hard to make friends with second year (and above) uni students because maybe they are not in the same "year group" as you? Nevertheless it shouldn't stop you from becoming friends with them. Like I said above, you should start having conversations with people. In this case you could ask about student societies or how much workload there was in first year second semester uni, etc

Does that help? 🙂

InfinityDistribution · ‎09-09-2017

Hi tenebrosity,

I think I'm already pretty good at socialising with people. I consider my biggest problem to be how to take things much further, so that they become friends that you hang out with or play video games with (I consider myself a semi-serious gamer). For example, last semester I was in a group task with some others, and I had a few good conversations with them, and we probably could have become friends... except then the group task and the semester ended, and this semester I have not seen them anywhere at all. I did get some of their contact details (e-mail, phone number, etc), except I was honestly too nervous on what to do next, and during exams and over the break they never called or e-mailed me at all, so I guess we've kinda ended up drifting apart 😞

Your advice regarding second year and higher students sounds good.

D84 · ‎11-09-2017

Hey InfinityDistribution.

Similar to you, I'm alright at socialising, though I rarely initiate conversations - never with someone I don't know. I can relate to you on the trying to take things further with people you know, it feels like some cycle you have to be in, to be in.

Do you use Facebook? Many, if not most Uni students do, so this might be a better way to keep in contact with other students/clubs, though can be (and for me, is) just as fruitless as other methods. It's really up to luck, but one time I found a Uni-related Facebook event someone I'm sort-of-friends with had clicked 'going' to so I went along to that and they indeed went and we were able to spend the evening socialising together.

InfinityDistribution · ‎11-09-2017

Hi D84,

I created a Facebook account at the start of this semester, having reached the same conclusion that it might be a good way of keeping in contact with people. It's good for keeping up with club events but not so good for individual people, mostly because even if I learn their name it's harder to get their last name, eg if I met somebody called Bill there'd be thousands of other people called Bill on Facebook. Even then I'm not too sure on etiquette of when you should send somebody a friend request.

Croix · ‎19-10-2017

Dear InfinityDistribution~

Facebook has its good points, its a pretty good way to keep in touch with people, quick, convenient and of course free:) It can look very glamorous too.

Your question you asked about sending friend requests to people you have met (of either sex) in hte SF club and elsewhere highlights one of the downsides. Facebook, or any social media, is not the same as face to face interaction which would be OK except we tend to being our preconceptions from everyday life to an environment that on the surface seems similar but actually is very different.

I'll give you an example, suppose you send a friend request and never get an answer. It might be natural to have at the back of your mind a feeling you were being shunned, you were not attractive enough and so on. In actual fact there could be a host of reasons, from no internet connection to illness.

If you had tried the same thing face to face there would have been tons of visual and aural feedback, you would have been in a much better position to know the truth.

So in answer to your question - go for it and request anyone you like anytime. Just be aware the rules are not the same and it is easy to fret and get hurt for no real reason.

I hope it works out well for you

Croix