14 years old, already managed to hurt everyone I love.

[Notolli]

I don't really know where to start. I've been 'different' ever since year seven, where everyone started getting into relationships and having parties. There has always been a constant theme, where as if someone didn't fit in: they were considered foreign. I've never had many friends because, well I don't really know. I used to get bullied and targeted by the teachers at school, and I've pretty much always been afraid of going to and from school. This is pretty common, I've heard, and you're all right: at least I'm not dying. My dad has been drinking a lot ever since nan passed away last year and mom keeps telling him to stop, but it always ends in fighting. I'm failing most of my classes and I do nothing outside of school. About a month ago, I started dating a girl called, umm let's just say "Emma". She's been really helpful and supportive of me, and we've been closer than ever. I don't know where I'd be without her. We did something really stupid in our second week, and I'm certain that she's pregnant. There's no way that any of us could support or even afford a baby. My sister works to support the family and I barely help out at all, because there's nothing I can do. I can't work until I'm 15. Exams are next week, Emma isn't talking to me, she's pregnant and 15, mum is lonely and my entire family is constantly fighting, dad's recently lost his job and is drinking a lot, and everything in my life is about to be ruined. I guess I'm posting here because I'm not sure what to do, and my feelings are just getting worse and worse.

[MrsCam]

wow you have alot going on for a teenager... 

you really should try to talk with your parents, or at least your mum if you feel your dad's drinking makes him too hard to talk to, and emma should do the same... Alternatively does your school have a counsellor or student welfare officer you could turn to?? whatever course of action she decides on re the pregnancy you are both going to need some support...

good luck

[geoff]

dear Notolli, thanks for posting and you are very brave in doing so, but should be congratulated.

There's a saying 'out of the pan and into the fire', which seems like the way you are now in.

When the teacher's bully and target you then this is the opening for the other kids to either ostracise you or a chance to bully you.

Your dad's problem of drinking is going to create a battle between your mum and him, and possibly you and your sister, who is desperately trying to support the family, so it's an enormous job for your sister to do this.

Has Emma had a pregnancy test yet, and yes it's going to be very difficult at your young age to support a baby, however there are a couple of options here which she could go down the path, which I don't think I should mention to you at the moment, but if she spoke to her GP he/she will then advise her of these options.

I wonder whether Emma has told her mum if she is pregnant, and if she has I'm sure that she will contact your mum, so I would jump this gun and tell her first.

These days all sorts of things go on, so really I can't blame you for doing this as I'm sure it goes on with so many other kids, however Emma's mum should have been prepared for this and started her on the pill, or yourself to carry a condom, which can be purchased at a supermarket.

So what should you do, well the concerns are, your dad drinking, the fighting between your mum and dad, supporting the family, your exams and now the possible chance of having your girlfriend pregnant.

Well your mum must know and I wouldn't tell your dad at the moment because of his drinking, or as Mrs. Cam has said go and speak to the school counsellor.

You have to try and contact Emma as any decision she makes really requires both of you to have your say, but you should have an adult with you or a GP.

Please get back to us. Geoff..

[MrsCam]

hows things Notolli??

[Notolli]

Sorry, I've been without internet for a while.

I told mum that Emma's pregnant and she hasn't even looked at me since. I thought that I was doing the right thing by telling her, but everything has just gotten worse. Dad is barely home anymore, and nobody talks to each other, it's just sad all of the time. Emma's definitely pregnant, she's beginning to grow, and all of the tests have come back positive. She told me that I could even be sent to juvy for this?! I couldn't focus on any of my exams, and I'm pretty sure I failed most of them. I just don't know what to do anymore. Thank you all so much for the support, it's keeping me going.

[Neil_1]

Hi Notolli

I firmly believe that you did the right thing in telling your mother.   That’s a massive shame though that she hasn’t come to your side to support you at this time.

Now, from what I’m reading of your posts – I may be silly for saying this, because it’s probably so obvious, but I’m reading that Emma is really angry with you?  Is that right?  Are you aware if her parents know? 

One last question on this – does Emma want nothing to do with you now or is she still ok about things?

It must be a massive shock to both of you and you both really do need support – while we can provide it here with advice and the like, I (like others have posted) believe that you should be seeking some one-on-one kinds of support – be it with a GP or a school counsellor?

Just one last thing – with regard to your home situation where you said, “You barely help out at all because there’s nothing for you to do?”  

In a home, there are always things that can be done to help out. 

The washing machine for instance isn’t a vicious beastie – so there’s nothing to stop you from getting your mum or your sister to show you how to work it, so you can possibly do a load or two of washing – and then hang it out on the line.  

 Perhaps vacuuming – I used to do that “way back in the day” – every Saturday morning.  

Stacking the dishwasher or even putting the clean plates and cutlery away after the dishwasher’s done its thing.

Notolli, I could ramble on with a whole stack more – but there are plenty of things that you can do around home – and believe me, it would help out big time.

Neil

[CrashCoyote]

Hi Notolli,

My name is John. I am a father of five, including a twelve year old boy and fourteen year old girl. The other are older. I was a policeman in NSW for about thirty years until retiring recently.

First things first. You are important to many people. Your parents love you, even if they are incapable of focusing on you or supporting you right now. Mrs Cam, Neil, Geoff and I already care about you, as would others on here as they read your story. We are adults and we protect children and young people when we can.

Please try to find an adult for close support. On here or through school counsellors. If you have a coach for sport or a mate whose dad you get on with, please approach them. You will need support.

Finally, you are not going to juvie for getting a girl pregnant. I know the law in NSW but it is pretty much the same Australia wide, just different Act names and Section numbers. It is against the law to have sex with a fifteen year old, GENERALLY. The defence to it is that the sex was consensual AND that the couple were so close in age that it would be "normal" to be in some sort of romantic relationship. For example, a twenty two year old man cannot have sex with a fifteen year old girl legally, even if she consents.

Keep posting. I'll watch out for you.

Kind regards, John.

[MrsCam]

thats a shame your mum has reacted in this way. maybe it is just a shock to her and once she processes it all  she will be able to be more supportive...

has Emma said what she plans to do re the pregnancy?? how far along is she?? do you know if she has told her parents at all?? and if so what was their reaction?? I hope Emma is not being too hard on you, you didnt put her in this position all by yourself, likewise neither did she. It would be easy for a boy in your position to just say "its nothing to do with me" or deny having slept with her at all so I think its worth saying that the fact that you have admitted your responsibility is to be commended.

Emma obviously needs medical care and i think some counselling for you both would also be a great step, to help you both figure out what it is you want to do. The decisions you & Emma make now re this pregnancy are going to have an impact on both of you well into the future so you want all the support you can get and as much info as possible to help you to make those choices.

Is there a family planning clinic in your area?? they would be able to assist with this... just do a google search for "Family Planning Australia" and see what comes up...

good luck

[Avalon1]

Dear Notolli

You are not alone.  I am a teacher and I am so sorry that you were ever bullied - wish you'd been in my class!  Get you and your girlfriend to a counsellor ( school) or go to a GP and say "HELP NOW!"  You are still only a kid really, and let me assure you it's OK to make mistakes, we all make them or we wouldn't be HUMAN. 

 Whatever you decide, take it easy on yourself OK?  You guys are still young, don't be afraid, put your hand up and ask for help - you will be amazed at what's available.  Also, if anyone is negative or abusive - it says more about them than you ( their actions and words define THEM, not you). I hope this helps out.  If you don't get a sympathetic counsellor or GP - keep trying until you do.   Good on you for being brave enough to post this.  🙂  Best Wishes

[vip]

Hi Notolli you know what we have something in common here I think I was about 7 too when teachers started telling my mum your daughter is different, quiet, shy just a strangeness about me. I had friends at could keep them but as I got older found it harder to keep them and yes started making the wrong decisions. I was until about 4 yrs ago diagnosed with a personality disorder anxiety and acute depression well this all explains my weidness now haha . No out of all seriousness my advice to you seek help from a gp pscych, professional people here this could be the start of the depression really coming out now . It always takes  a tragedy in a family for this depression to start. My dad had a huge work accident when I was 7 so I saw my mum constantly crying and our family life was messy so see we are similar in many ways . Please reach out and get the help love take care