Hey gang,
Welcome to my first post.
Since the pandemic started it has just heightened everything that I was brushing under the rug in my life. I completed my University degree last year and completed my placements in big Melbourne hospitals and then I would return back to my essential job to be abused by the public. I hate my job and the degree I studied but I am just so burnt out that I have no ambition to do anything with my life. I struggle to just do basic things like eating, showering and brushing my hair.
Growing up I was really creative, bubbly, out going and ambitious, which I still have those qualities, but for years I have just felt this dullness over me. It doesn't matter how good of a day I am having or how much I am enjoying the company around me, I still have this dullness. I honestly thought those feelings were just a sense that I was growing up and that it was normal or maybe it is because of the pandemic.
Growing up I always felt off with my mental health and though it was depression. I would reach out but I was always put down and told I was "asking for attention" or "doctor shopping". So I have always found it difficult to ask for help. I struggled in school so I thought maybe I could have a learning disability and it wasn't until a couple of years ago (when I was nineteen) that my parents thought the same thing but "couldn't be bothered" getting my tested.
All I know is that the only thing that brings me joy and certainty in my life is my boyfriend and my dog, but sometimes I don't know if that is enough.
