Worried about the future

[Sharra]

My partner says I am foolish to worry about things I have no control over but they are the things I worry about the most because I cannot plan for them, deal with them. I am getting older, nearly 63 and I know my brain is no longer reliable. I used to have a plan that when my partner and my dog were gone and I was alone I would just check myself into an aged care home and muddle away until the end but now I realise that ending up in such a place would probably be an nightmare so I am left with the worry that I will end up alone. I am not scared of being lonely but of being in trouble with no one knowing I need help. I cannot make plans because I am too young it seems. You must be 65+ to make aged care plans. I am ill and I care for my partner and my dog. While they are alive I have a focus and I struggle to make sure everything is fine for them but I have this nameless dread hanging over my head about what happens when there is just me and I am not sure how well my brain will cope. I am already vague and I often say that the two of us make a great person but I have no idea what to do if it is just me. I have searched a lot but I can find no advice about coping with old age on your own in the country.

I have chronic fatigue syndrome and the biggest problem I have faced is the loss of memory and brain function. I was once a logical intelligent person with great research skills and now I have a brain that is extremely erratic. I have no wish to end up in care because I have seen what these places are like but trying to manage on my own is rather scary. I have worked hard to regain independence but the other day I stepped out in front of a car I did not see and it frightened me that I missed this. I am not sure there is a safe place. Growing old is hard.

Sharra

[jwhite]

I find journalling and making "imaginary" plans helpful. Although most of my ideas are written down in a journal, they release my anxiety. With a background in research and science, keeping a journal and even reworking the days events such as stepping out in front of a car (happens at any age) helps me to remain less anxious.

"I am ill and I care for my partner and my dog". I think you may need to contact centrelink and establish a connection, I found no financial benefit, but at least I have put my hand up, established a relationship and said I need help with my mental illness. All the best.

[Sharra]

Thanks for your thoughts. I do journal my thoughts to release the anxiety and I am in contact with centrelink. I think part of my problem is that the plan I had worked out is now in tatters due to what I have heard about aged care homes and while I have made a real effort to be independent I am only too aware of how much my brain has deteriorated. I am aware that my illness left my brain seriously fuzzy and vague and all the effort I put into trying to fix it has failed and now I must learn to work around the problem. Part of that is writing everything down so I have a reference when I forget. Even writing here helped. I know I just have to wait another 2 years and I will be eligible for aged care packages and then maybe I can set up a connection so that if I was alone and anything happened and I could not call then someone would investigate. None of my anxiety may come true either.