Work burnout & anxiety

[Edna Average]

Hi all, I’m new here so please bear with me. The situation is that I’ve experienced extended trauma and moral injury at work. It started with a colleague making false allegations and the company being too scared to protect me. I was investigated and cleared through two mechanisms over a nine month period. Unfortunately this happened during COVID and I live alone and have felt isolated and lonely. I also work in a very hard, high pressure environment. On top of this, I had an unfortunate health diagnosis that can luckily now be managed but fell out with a close friend and a few other unfortunate events during the same period.

I ended up on SSRIs and have been seeing a counsellor but my mental health plan has expired. I can get this extended but my GP has left and I’m so exhausted and don’t want to retraumatise myself explaining again. I’m off the SSRIs because they made me feel unwell and tired. For a while I was great but my work stress has flared up again. My boss is unsympathetic and previously told me in my PDR that he would like me to work on my resilience. I’m a very resilient person and found this offensive but it confirmed that I have zero support.

Recently a colleague passed away suddenly and there are rumours about the cause, another colleague has confided in me that they’re struggling to cope and took some leave. I’m desperately looking for a job but am not having much luck. Unfortunately I’m feeling incredibly burnt out and have short fuse, which isn’t helping me with writing applications and presenting. Tonight I burst into tears after a bad haircut and flew into a rage. I screamed and smashed a hairbrush. This is not my usual behaviour and I feel at my wit’s end. Any suggestions for where to start? I can’t quit my job, but know it’s 99% of the problem. I’ve started feeling hopeless, sad, tired and alone.

[That Other Guy]

I am always aware that, whatever challenges i face, patriarchy is in my corner, if i want it or not.

Getting another job offer is exciting!!! If you pursue it or not, it's validation that other people see your worth. I hope you find it in yourself to pursue it, because it sounds like you don't have a lot of ties where you are, and it sounds like it might be a path to solving the biggest issue you're facing

It's also sad you're facing all of this alone. Meeting people is tough, the dating scene is awful on women. I was out there for six months and i found simply not being a pushy jerk gave me a real edge, the bar for how men typically behave is THAT low. For that reason I'd imagine unless you meet someone organically, you probably want to deal with this work stuff before trying to deal with that. But you have some meds to help you now, and people are chasing you to work for them, so i reckon grab onto that and see a path forward to happier times.

[Edna Average]

Argh, so since this thread began my situation hasn’t improved…

My father has now been diagnosed with cancer (we’re waiting to see if it has spread) and I’m still not sleeping after the sleeping pills didn’t work. My psychologist has now put me on a sleep prescription that consists of building sleep pressure by staying awake until midnight and getting up at 6am. That hasn’t really been working either but I did manage to sleep through last night. I’m hoping it’s a sign that it’s starting to work, as I’m so tired and getting teary again.

With regard to the interstate job, I put in an application but am waiting to hear back. There were red flags in my discussion with the recruiter (admitted they underpay, very political and a bit of pressure - made me wonder if she wanted me to apply at all). I applied to keep my options open. However, it would mean being much further away from my parents and what little support network I have here. I also want to be close to Dad (they’re about 2.5 hours away).

Everything is basically turning to shit and I’m wondering if I can recover when more stuff keeps being thrown at me. Can anyone share a story of recovery after a cluster of events that has caused your mental health to spiral. I want to recover but am stuck in the work environment for a few months before I can resign with no job to go to… I feel that leaving is the only way I can begin to heal but am a bit petrified of not having something to go to.

[Edna Average]

Hi, not sure if anyone will see this. My work saga continues. Three weeks after I returned from sick leave I was contacted by a ‘Health and Well-being’ person in the company who suggested I get a medical form filled in by my GP to identify work adjustments and triggers. It even asks about my ability to concentrate and whether I’m on medication that could affect my work. I’ve not put in a WorkCover claim and now having seen a form, it looks as they’re treating me like someone who has. It has added more stress and set me back, which is a shame because I felt better after time off. I’m finding this very intrusive and am sceptical because her title has WorkCover in it but she denies working in the space (says she used to but they just haven’t changed her title…). Has anyone had this, or know what it means? I was quite blunt with her and told her it feels like an invasion of privacy. I’m trying to find another job, as it’s clear I will not be able to recover in this environment. Just want to protect myself while I’m there.

[rhombusslope]

Hi Edna Average

ive read all your posts and want to share a personal opinion - I am very frustrated to hear of the culture in your workplace. You and others do not deserve to work somewhere that is so stressful and political. Please remember you are extremely valuable - unhealthy workplaces can make you feel less valuable than you actually are. It’s great you are applying elsewhere and I’m glad you are aware of any red flags in the new position. If you are making the move, it would be the best if it was to the right place. 
I’ve taken 3 months off work due to burnout. I had a highly emotional and aggressive boss who would be your best friend and suddenly turn one day and make you her target. It happened to all of us that worked for her. I was forced to change jobs and landed in a more corporate job which lead to lots of unpaid overtime and constant criticism for a year. It all came to a head and my mental and physical health deteriorated. What I found the most shocking is how much damage it did to my intelligence (? If that’s the right word). Even 4 years on, I don’t feel as smart or confident as I used to be. Your work sounds quite senior / high pressure, whereas I experienced burnout earlier in my career. you must be very resilient to have made it this far 🙂 I suppose I just want to say - we support you, and please put yourself first. Remember your well-being is more important than anything. Good luck!

[rhombusslope]

just saw this one - I did take 3 months off work and my employer at the time was kind enough to hold my position for me. I stayed there another 3 years on my return but the same issues remained, so I regret going back to them. I did have to completely stop working for those 3 months so I survived on savings. Not ideal but it was the best choice I ever made. I took the time to travel as I hadn’t done so before and it was the happiest time of my life. I appreciate the feelings of uncertainty when leaving a job, but keep hunting. You sound highly experienced and I’m sure a decent employer will jump to have you on board (and, again, there’s nothing wrong with a short break if you are able to budget for it :)!)

[Edna Average]

Thanks rhombusslope, I haven’t  logged in for a while and it was nice to see your messages. I have a positive update. During the three weeks I took off I applied for a few jobs. One was what I thought was a long shot in a different industry. I unexpectedly got an interview and then won the job. I’m in my second week and I can’t even explain how differently I’m being treated by my new employer. I’ve gone from feeling under siege and at my wit’s end to being completely supported to the point where I’ve nearly burst into tears when someone is nice. Agree about the effects that workplace trauma causes to the brain. I have moments where I feel dumb and beat myself up for small things. Hard to tell whether it’s loss of brain capacity or just extremely low confidence. Unfortunately I only managed one week off between jobs and am trying to heal while learning the new role. This is yet another learning process, but I’m on the path. One thing is for sure, I’ll be putting together an emergency fund so I never get stuck in a toxic workplace again! Thanks everyone for your support here. Hopefully it’s inwards and upwards…

[rhombusslope]

Congratulations! I actually got a bit teary reading your post - I’m so glad you’ve found people who are being healthy and normal! Good luck with it all 🙂

[Edna Average]

Thanks so much for your kind words. I guess I wanted to share how quickly and dramatically things can turn around. There is always hope! You just need to put your well-being first. 

[Guest_1584]

That's great op and congratulations . l started reading the thread and was just about to reply when l noticed the date. But here you are now again and with a nice update anyway, fantastic. What l was going to reply was that sure gp's and counselors and stuff, even a holiday if you could've,  might've be able to help on the surface but what you really need is a new job. So this is great news.

lt is incredible how things can change isn't it .

Good luck.

rx