where do I start?

[Ranger1]

I have no idea what I'm doing so here goes. I have anxiety... I think. I know why, I just don't know how to deal with it. Up until 2 years ago I would have considered myself a very grounded person. Everyone else was the weirdo - not me. First my dog of 16 years had to be put down which was difficult..but a part of life, then my Grandma dies a few months short of her 100th birthday...also another part of normal life. Then my mother is diagnosed with Alzheimer's and is rapidly declining. My Dad who is looking after her gets diagnosed with terminal cancer. So I stop work to look after Dad, take him to his chemo and to spend some quality time with him which was priceless. ( I can't thank work enough for allowing me that time). That was over a year ago. There was a lot of financial stress with finding somewhere for mum, trying to sell their house to pay for it all and to keep working full time. Its all sorted now and life is back to normal and things are looking more positive. BUT.....when I was looking after Dad he was often awake during the night in immense pain, so I was getting up a lot in his final weeks to give him meds etc. I still can't sleep properly, everything makes me anxious, like everything...I freaked out just getting in my car yesterday. The heart rate goes up, I get sweaty and just can't deal with it. Normally I would talk to my Dad about such issues, but he's gone. I can't talk to my mum about this kind of thing due to her condition. I feel like my whole family left in one hit and its just me versus the world now. It was such a shock to the system. I also have this immense feeling of guilt. I live in Australia, my life is great compared to what other people in the world are going thru..yet I'm so depressed. I know I shouldn't be this way, but I'am. Its exhausting !

[Croix]

Dear Ranger1~

Life has dealt you some incredibly hard blows in quick succession. Just the death of a dog can really affect people (including me), you have your Gran passing way, a person who has been a constant all your life. Your mother is no longer the person you are used to, that you loved and relied upon, but a lesser person. This can be heartbreaking. Your dad had cancer, and you spent all your efforts in every way helping him and easing his life.

People talk about these things being blows, and they are right Each blow injures you. Just one thing can take a lone time for the damage to heal, you have all all four to recover from. As a result I would think if you are anything like me you would need help. Grief might be a natural part of life, but so much so quickly is more than most can bear.

It is not the world versus you, it is a question of recovering to the extent you can cope, and get the more obvious physical and mental symptoms of this grief are under control.

May I suggest you see your GP in a long consultation and say what has happened and how you feel? It may be you need counseling or some other form of temporary treatment. how do you feel about that?

Facing all this alone is incredibly hard, is there anyone - a friend perhaps - you can lean on and talk with at the moment?

The terrible things you have faced are nothing to do with living in Australia, or having a so called 'great life'. They are the everyday tragedies all people everywhere are confronted with , and most, like you, need help to get to a better place in peace.

I do hope you come back and talk some more

Croix

[quirkywords]

Ranger,

welcome to the forum.

You have gone through so much loss and grief recently and I can feel your pain and exhaustion hrough your words. It is difficult to express what you are feeling .

Croix has written a supportive reply and I agree with his helpful suggestions.

As well as seeing your GP would you think about seeing a counsellor who specialises in grief and loss.?

You have been through so much in a short space of time . You have suffered a lot .

Of course you are exhausted and any one who has been through what you have been through would be feeling the same way.

I am glad you have reached out here. Keep posting here if you want to .

Quirky