When You Don't Want to Admit It

[Guest_686]

Hello kindest of strangers,

I haven't been on a forum for a very long time. I spent a lot of my teens and early twenties on forums, trying to find friends or a place to belong. I never really felt like I had a place. I am bad at communicating, I don't trust myself to be 'normal'. I don't keep a journal because I hate all the sentences that start with I. I this. I that. I struggle with self worth. I struggle to say there is anything wrong. I feel like a meandering mess and running out of time.

I don't mean to talk to negatively. I know that that doesn't contribute to a healthy heart and mind. I guess that's why I am here. I know but I can't stop, I don't know how to be better. I get lost along the way.

I have been blessed and lucky enough to share the last four years of my life with someone. I know that she loves me, but I also know that she hates me--or rather has come to be angry and fed up with me. I think that I am a burden, but in so thinking then become one. I don't blame her. I struggle with self-fulfilling prophecies. I struggle with a lot of things.

I want to be better. I want to stop living in my head. I want to feel like I belong to this planet. I know those things are within my power, I just have to get there and not act as my own enemy.

[Summer Rose]

Hi Bko

Welcome to the bb forum and thanks for telling us a bit about yourself.

This is the first and only forum I have ever participated in. Over time, I have come to feel that I do belong.

I guess this is because of the culture here: kind, caring and non-judgemental. I also love the opportunity to brainstorm ways to improve our collevtive mental health and engage in a meaningful way with all kinds of people.

I'm sorry you're struggling but I really liked your observation that it's within your power to change things. With the right treatment, most people do recover from depression, anxiety and other conditions and go on to live their best life.

That's what I want for you. The best place to start is with an appointment to see your GP. Have you tried this yet? Have you received any professional advice over the years?

It will be easier to provide advice to help you move forward if you're willing to share, but there's no pressure.

I hope you choose to stick around. Kind thoughts to you