What if I say the wrong thing to someone who needs support on the forums?

[Moonstruck]

I sometimes see new threads from regulars.....or first-time newbies with a problem I'd like to give support about....or I feel I can identify with..... but not being trained, or a professional, or expert in any way - just struggling myself....I am a bit hesitant in case I say the wrong thing, make the person feel worse, or totally going down the wrong track to help or support them.

Any tips?......thanks...Moon S

[Starwolf]

Hi Moonstruck,

How kind of you to be willing to offer support to those in need...

No one on these forums is a professional or has been trained. The only requirements are compassion, discretion and empathy. See...you qualify !

We all make mistakes at times as relating to total strangers doesn't always come easy. That's why these forums are moderated. Anything deemed inappropriate is edited out. I suggest you visit ChrisB's new thread, in Community Board. It explains how this works and gives excellent advice re responding to posts. A terrific place to start.

So all is safe...and the odd misunderstanding can always be ironed out by posting again to explain exactly what was meant in the first place.

So if you feel inclined to respond, there's no reason to hesitate. Your personal experience and support will always be appreciated.

Wishing you a peaceful day.

[Guest_5218]

Hi Moon. I agree with Star here, you do qualify!

If you ever see a thread or post that you can relate to or feel you can offer something, then by all means - dive in. Thats what these forums are all about. Connection on a personal level with others who are going through similar issues to ourselves. You're right, we are all struggling with our own demons. And thats what makes you qualified to respond. You have the experience, the compassion, the empathy.

And something else you have in spades Moon is a wonderful wit and sense of humour. I love that about you! And sometimes thats very important to us fellow strugglers out here, to actually see the funny side to things.

You should never have any concerns about how you express yourself Moon, you do it very well. Much of the time you have replied to any of my posts I usually get a bit of a smile from them, even if I'm feeling down, afraid or exhausted at the time. So I thankyou for that .........

Sherie xx

[Chris_B]

Hi Moonstruck, Starwolf and Sherie have nailed it really, but you might want to also look at this thread for some ideas:

Forums etiquette: give support to receive support

Sometimes, just a quick note to let someone know that you've heard them and are listening can be enough.

[Kazzl]

Moonstruck my friend have no fear. As the others here have said, you have empathy and compassion in spades.

The main thing about peer support in my view is that the person receiving it knows it comes from the heart of someone who has 'been there'. We are not professionals no, but nor are we text-book theorists or well-meaning do-gooders (with due respect to them, they most certainly have their place). We live this.

We can't possibly understand the situations of everyone who posts here. But we all know what it's like to suffer, struggle, hurt, be confused, angry, scared because of what happens in our minds. Look for the feelings behind the circumstances and you will connect them with times you have felt like that.

People need to know they are not alone, that others have got through what they are experiencing, and that someone genuinely cares about them as individuals. And they need hope.

You have always given that to me.

Kaz

xx

[Moonstruck]

Oh Kaz...thank you. Your words made me cry - tears not far from the surface just lately.

I have never felt so loved or accepted since joining here - with people so full of understanding and human warmth.

Saw a beautiful Facebook post from "Goalcast" I think it was..with Robin Williams. It is well worth looking for.....

let us all have a blessed day......Moon x

[blondguy]

Hey Moon

You have the background of experience to provide the help you have kindly given to others and well done to you:-)

We are all equals here. I will only answer posts that I am comfortable doing so. I have read many of your posts and you have always been really helpful to others. You have a big heart moon. Just be the understanding person you have always been...Paulx

[pipsy]

Hi Moonstruck. Just another way of looking at how you answer. When I answer, I read the post two or three times, to 'click' into the mind of the person posting. Once I've read it, I reply, then read the reply as if I'm receiving it. If I'm not happy with what I'm reading, there's pretty good chance the person receiving won't be impressed. It can take me quite a while to answer some posts, because again, you can't tell anyone what to do, they have to make the final choice. You can offer alternatives, suggestions, advise, but always remember, it's their choice, they have to live with what they decide. You can be honest, but temper that with kindness so the person will realise you are trying your best to offer some guidance.

Lynda