Unattractive and unlovable

[Plain_Jaine]

I know it's late, but I couldn't sit alone awake any longer. I'm a 50+ year old plain Jane who wants to be a 30 year old thin Lizzie. I don't hate myself or anything like that. I want to look younger and leaner with lots more energy.

I've done it hard the past 10 years and it's showing in my face and on my hips. I used to be a hot size 6, now I'm barely a smouldering spark at size 12. Anyway, 3 sizes bigger in skinny blue jeans just isn't the same.

Boy, it looks like I'm writing on a dating site. ha ha No I'm here because my friend told me it's a good place to come when I'm down. I used to have anxiety and panic. I still have it, but not as bad. I can't seem to walk out my front door with much confidence though. It's a bugger trying to get the guts to even have my hair done. It's a mess.

What I'm trying to say, is that I don't feel like I used to - all done up for a night on the town with the girls or a beau on a date. I never married or had kids, instead moved up the corporate ladder until I got what I wanted.

I moved to Melbourne a few months back to try and overcome situations I left behind in that 'other' city. To be honest, I talk the talk, but walking it is really hard. Don't get out of the house as I'm new here and don't know anyone. I'm retired now and want to work, but I just can't. Let's leave it at that.

Anyone out there??? Yooo Hoooo

[blondguy]

Hi Jaine

Welcome to the forums and good on you posting too!

There is nothing plain about you. You are amazing for having reached out to us and thankyou 🙂

Even though you used to have anxiety you are not on your own here at all. I used to have chronic anxiety which has morphed into a generalised depression...under management

Feeling isolated is a crappy place to be in Jaine. I often feel the same way too.

There are many kind people that can be here for you.....I am also 50+ and understand where you are coming from about work as well

Even though the forums arent a immediate chat platform I hope you can stick around....The forums are a national site but welcome to Melbourne!

My Best

Paul

[Plain_Jaine]

Hi there Paul

I had nothing better to do and thought I might indulge myself with some chit chat with the locals. Care to pull up a chair and share a story of complete woe?

No, that sounds like a bad idea. Want to find people I can gel with who maybe know what high flying type A personalities do when they can't hack it anymore. Leaves a gaping hole.

I don't really like talking about my anxiety stuff. It's embarrassing. Thanks for being the first person to talk to me. I try to deflect from the hard stuff with humour, but deep down, I'm a softie. I just don't let people see it so much. my workplace made sure of that.

So what do you do Paul? Banking? Lifesaver? Chicken farmer? Oh that's bad. Women shouldn't ask men what they do. It's ok though, I don't struggle financially. Not looking for a sugar daddy.

Anyway, nice to meet you Paul. I'm off to bed now; alone. What a travesty!

[blondguy]

Thanks for posting back Jaine....the forums are 24/7 and if we didnt have new posters there would be no forums

You dont have to talk about anything here at all. I just thought I'd let you know that you are not alone in any way

I have been working on reducing my type 'A' personality for years as its the worst mindset on earth! I guess its we set our expectations so high we have so much further to fall....I have been on the Beyond Blue forums since January last year after I was made redundant from a senior corporate role......just for your info

I hope you have a good sleep Jaine and thanks for being a part of the forum family too 🙂

Paul

[Plain_Jaine]

Is my face red?

Being serious makes me scared. It looks like you know what I mean by not being able to hack corporate life anymore. I didn't think I'd find anyone who did.

They broke me, finally after all these years. Anyway, not ready to go there yet. Still a bit teary when mentioning it.

Thanks for being here and welcoming me as you have. We may see each other around here and there. I hope so. It's nice to feel accepted.

Jaine

[blondguy]

Hey Jaine

The forums are a rock solid secure & safe place to post (otherwise I know I wouldnt be here)

Have a sticky around the various headers and thread titles when you can. We even have the Beyond Blue Cafe where you can say hello and kick back and have a cuppa too 🙂

If you wish you can also jump in and answer any posts that you can help with your life experience too! Your posts/input are just as important as mine or anyone elses on the forums.

Ive been on here since January 2016 and am usually on every day or couple of days Jaine.

You dont have thank me or anyone....The thanks go to you for posting in the first place....I really do hope you can have a look and stick around the forums 🙂

My kind thoughts

Paul

[White_Rose]

Dear Jaine

Hello and welcome. I' glad your friend pointed you in this direction. Corporate life , especially at the top, is not a place many want to go. You need a hide like a rhinoceros to survive I have found and it's really sad. For your own health it is often better to leave such a toxic workplace.

Now you have had a bit of a chat with Paul, how do you feel about posting here? Some people find it very hard to start and often write a very short post, but you have told us a great deal about yourself. Thank you. We understand there are topics you don't want to talk about at the moment and possibly never. That's OK we all have skeletons firmly locked up. When the time is right that door gates unlocked a little.

Until you are ready to talk about hurtful matters, we can chat about other things in your life. I was in the public service until I retired. I enjoyed myself no end and learned a lot. I separated from my husband 17 years ago. Best thing I did. Sadly I became depressed a year after we parted and have been depressed, on and off, ever since. I manage heaps better than I did to start with.

I have a similar story about weight gain. I was a size 12 but no longer fit that description. I understand that you feel bad about putting on weight and how your image of yourself is at odds with reality. I have to say I would love to be size 12.

Moving to a new city is hard if you do not have friends or family there. I live in Qld and quite enjoy it. Been to Melbourne many times as my sister-in-law lives there and my eldest son. A friend of mine moved there some time ago and worked hard to make friends and indulge in the activities she enjoys. Like me she is retired. This is what makes have a circle of friends so difficult as our work colleagues are often the starting point with friendship.

What do you enjoy doing? Would this be a way of meeting people? I appreciate your anxiety makes this harder but it is an option to explore.

Paul has suggested exploring the forum and I agree. I think you will be surprised at the number of people who post here and their assorted difficulties. I find keeping others company helps me as well. There is nothing like having a common background to relax and chat.

I hope you will continue to write in here. To top up your joke list, have a look at Worst Joke Wednesday in the BB Social Zone. All sorts of jokes, mostly bad but some are even worse. 😊

Mary

[Quercus]

Hi Jaine 😊

I met you in the body image thread (good for you jumping in and spreading the support!) and wanted to come and say thank you.

Paul is spot on... There is nothing plain about you. I think you're great. Your reply to me gave me my first laugh of the day and a boost to try again. So thank you I really do appreciate it.

A new city and a fresh start... Kind of exciting. You get to just be yourself. New friends will come (no doubt in the world in my mind... What a shame you didn't move to Perth). You've just got to take Mary's advice and ease yourself out there however feels comfortable to meet them 😊.

50 is wonderful. You've got some life experience to back you and to know what really matters to you. Two of my friends are in their fifties and how I admire them. They expect courtesy and respect. One always says "my time is important... Why would I waste it listening to people who's opinion is as useful as an ashtray on a surfboard? Or spending my time with (insert insult here)".

Time to meet some genuine people Jane. We're out there... The forums prove it.

I look forward to seeing you about the forums more 😊

Nat 🌸

[quirkywords]

Jaine

welcome.

It is funny that as soon as another woman mentions her clothes size I react and think well I would love to be size 12 , well at least a size 12 where I can breathe easily and I am not bursting at the seams!! That is my problem.

I can relate to you and I am nearly 60. A few years ago when I was walking through a shopping mall, I saw this frumpy older woman looking at me and realised that was me!!

Funnily enough I feel ok and more accepting as my body ages. I have never been skinny or that gym fit.

For men and women as we age we are bombarded with images of young people. People often apologise for aging and looking how they have aged.

Our society praises people who don't look their ages and that is one of the best compliments you can get as you age. Wow you don't look 50. 60 , 70 , I thought you were much younger!!

Mind you I have never had that said to me. That is fine, I am proud to have reached this age.

Moving is a big upheaval in all senses of the word.

As Rose, Paul, and Quercus have said this a safe place to explore and you get to meet kind and compassionate people.

There are lots of different threads here and I am sure you will find ones that help you. I have a thread on here about be yourself.

Quirky

[meercat]

Hi Jaine. Welcome from meercat.

Been popping into BB for a few weeks now. I have bp, so life, 64yrs has been like an rollercoaster.

You may like to join us in "BB cafe"..very friendly and lots of yummy food and smoothies!

i tinted my hair the other day.. i cd not see the box..it turned out *pink. Ah! Is this The new me?

Yes, people can be nasty. I was a large, 15yo girl with long flowing brown hair walking down the street..children chanting "hairy mary". Iv never liked my hair.

I have an idea what ur saying about work. Il join you in the cafe for that one, we'll need a few cups of coffee!

Ps. I spell meercat with a "c" not "k" to remind me to accept myself.. im not purrfect just "me".

Looking forward to meet you in the cafe..its good to know someone is listening.

meercat xx