Trying to grow

[Annewithan-e]

Hello people. A bit about me.

...I’m in a tough place.

I’m trying to learn how to face my past. I’m not very good at it. It goes against everything I’ve promised myself for my whole life, the way I’ve learned to live.

I have some really bad days, but no one around me would really know, because I work so hard to make sure I don’t impact anyone negatively. I am the ‘fixer’, the one who people confide in. But I don’t share any of my struggles or vulnerability with anyone.

I am trying to learn to talk, I have a great psychologist, but I am finding this incredibly difficult and destabilizing. Sometimes I just don’t quite know what to do with the feelings.

I am trying to find ways to release some of the hurt and anxiety, and I find myself here.

Thanks for being here x

[Quercus]

Hi Anne,

Yep I can understand being reluctant about meds. They scare the heck out of me still. Really it is trial and error, they can't know how you'll react and that alone is scary. Having a bad reaction as a first try makes it even harder to try again.

Reading your post I thought if your doc keeps returning to meds have you asked her why she feels you need them? Is it realistic for you to manage without or does that put you at higher risk?

Would it help you if you asked her to explain what medicine she plans to try, how it is different to the last and how it works? I find that when I ask my doctor he is trying different groups of medicines not just randomly picking one. It helps me feel less like a guinea pig and feels more controlled.

You mentioned worring about anonymity and that makes sense too. Everyone does. I do all the time. But it's something BB and all of us here take a lot of care to protect. We all need space to speak openly without fear of being judged.

If you post something anyone feels identifies you we hit report and it is removed. You can report your own posts too if you become too anxious.

Another option I use is to search the forums for terms. Often someone has already started a conversation on a topic you want to discuss. Sometimes I read only, other times I join in. But it helps knowing it isn't MY thread and easily linked to my username. Hmmm... I sound paranoid. Ah well. Own it hey.

I'm glad you're finding some comfort here.