Hi all,
Last year I reconnected with someone I had an undefined relationship with. I ended it and did not speak to him for a year, because he lied to me. After a year, I chose to reconnect. Because for the first time in my life, I was not able to forget about it and move on. What followed was a terribly tumultuous time of me trying to "fix it'. By the end of the year, I was extremely vulnerable, weak, broken, hurt. I finally tried to put an end to it and sent him a message beginning the "end" of it. The following day, he ignored my message and was completely silent. I was so riddled with anxiety that I did not eat at all. He sent me single words when I called him. We had a short phone call, and he was adamant that we speak the next day. He has a habit of making me wait so I asked him when. He did not tell me a fixed time and after a few words hung up. I texted him three times and all were ignored. There was still no response at the end of the night and I still had not slept at 1am, feeling distressed. At 1:40am, he texted me that we should not talk anymore. I calmly responded agreeing, and that was ignored. I called and that was ignored. I texted again, if he did not want to call could he at least text me back, that was ignored. He has a history of ignoring me face to face, and over technology that I began to panic. I immediately couldn't breathe. At 2am, I sent a final message. I had a bath and threw up a little afterwards and went to bed, I never slept and arose at 10am. Still no response, and I blocked him.
I feel incredibly traumatised that he sent me a text message and "ghosted" (he practice of ending a personal relationship with someone by suddenly and without explanation withdrawing from all communication) me. He just disappeared and refused to respond. I am in disbelief that I wanted to end the connection, he prevented it and was adamant to speak more about it, then a few hours later can completely change his mind and disappear from my life.
Ever since then, I have been a shell of the happy girl I was. I am always low energy these days, have trust issues, have random anxiety attacks remembering, cannot enjoy activities or with friends. I feel so endlessly heartbroken. I want to move past it, but it has been 6 months and I still feel very sick.
I just wanted to put this out there, hoping it will make a difference in myself to express it. Any words would be appreciated. Let me know if you relate, or how you moved forward.
With love,
Miraa
