This is all new to me, let me introduce myself

[Sj93]

Hi, my name is Sarah, recently i have visited my local GP, where he informed me i have severe anxiety and depression something i knew was coming, but didn't want to hear. Hearing it being told me, was heart breaking to know it was true and that i had a mental illness, made it feel more real. Off lately its been overcoming me, I constantly have breakdowns, crying on my break at work for little to no reason at all, just feeling overwhelmed. Crying to my partner all the time, makes me feel guilty, I'm not that happy fun person he feel in love with. Over the past year my anxiety and depression have gotten a lot a stronger through certain circumstances in life throwing me curve balls. I constantly feel alone, like i have lost all my friends. I use to be so social, something on every weekend, birthday parties, bbqs, pool parties my life was fun, how it should be in your 20's. Then as i'm learning friends come and go and we take different paths, but its something that is chewing me up, i cant get over it and therefore its leaving me constantly down, wondering if i did enough, should i have done this, should i have gone to that party. I have lost my two closest best friends, and although i have an amazing boyfriend you need that balance in your life. I recently reached out to these best friends to be blanked - No response. This was my worst fear in the beginning but i bought up the courage to do so only to get nothing in return. I constantly feel lonely, like i'm looking for something else, i have a great life a great home, a great partner, a good job, a cute puppy but i keep overthinking and dwelling on the past, i cant move forward. I will constantly check their Facebook and snap chats to see all my friends hanging out without me like i don't even exist anymore, it really hurts. Some days i will want to make more effort say yes to every invite i get, make plans with the friends i do have, but when the moment comes to commit, i bail, i'm nervous, i'm less fun now (I think) I'm just not my happy self i was a year ago and i'm really struggling.

This is the first time i have ever posted on this and i hope it has a positive affect, i want to be the person i know i'am deep down.

[Kazzl]

Hi Sarah, welcome to the forum. It must have been hard for you to post that, so well done for reaching out. I'm sorry to hear things aren't good for you at the moment, but it's good you have seen your doctor and are getting some help.

Accepting that we have a mental health problem is hard, but try not to dwell on that too much. I know it's difficult because of the stigma that sadly still exists, sometimes in ourselves, but try to think of it as just an illness, no worse than a physical complaint. And, like many physical illnesses, with the right treatment and good self-care, it can and will pass. This is not necessarily forever hun, but it does need treatment now so it doesn't get worse.

You're at an age where a lot of things change in life. People change, circumstances change with the passing of teenagehood. And that is hard to accept too when you don't want change. But it's also a time for you - finding out who you are and what you want from life. Sometimes this means letting go of old friendships that are no longer right for you. It sounds to me like maybe some of your old friends are not what they used to be.

I hope you don't mind this observation, but do you think perhaps you are looking for 'solutions' outside yourself, kind of seeking validation that life will always be the same? That's very understandable because we all fear change. But perhaps try looking more inwardly to what you want in life and from people around you. Try to find some new interests? Perhaps open up to new experieinces and new people, but from a position of seeking your own satisfaction, not trying to satisfy others or be what you think will please them.

A strategy I have learned over the years (and it took me a long time!) is to minimise contact with what I've come to call 'trigger people'. People who leave me worse off emotionally when I am involved with them. And that's not selfish hun, it's self-protection. There will be many others who leave you better off emotionally, relationships that will enrich you and help you grow as a woman.

I don't know if this helps you Sarah, I hope so. But know that we care about you here and you will always find a willing ear to listen and kind person to talk to. Have a good look around the forum - we have a section for young people that might interest you. There are some wonderful people around your age there who are great to talk to.

Best wishes hun

Kaz

[Zeal]

Hi Sarah,

Welcome to the forum!

I am a 23 year old female, and I've had anxiety (OCD) since I was 13, and I experienced depression in my teens. I had an eating disorder at 19, which I have recovered from. The OCD remains, unfortunately. It is hard to keep life in balance when mental illness is involved. I am sorry to hear that you have recently been diagnosed.

It sounds as though you were (and still are, under the mental illness) a naturally social and outgoing person. With professional help and time, you'll be able to get back to that! 🙂 I was shy and had low self-esteem until I was about 20 actually. I am not exactly outgoing now, but I am talkative and open with good friends and with my boyfriend of 1 year. It's great that you have an amazing boyfriend! It's a great feeling, knowing that they will be there to support you no matter what. Though losing contact with friends or losing that closeness/bond is hard, there is a silver lining. You will find out who your genuine friends are; that is, who will stick by you and keep in contact even when you are struggling and unable to interact the way you would without the mental illness.

Social media can be incredibly unhelpful for those with mental illness. Seeing all the happy photos of friends "living it up" can make you feel worse about yourself. People's facebook profiles rarely tell the whole picture. It's like a person's highlight reel - it shows the best parts of their life. If possible, ask your boyfriend (it sounds like you completely trust him) to change your face book password. He can log in for you once every day or two. This way, you can't check facebook constantly and fuel your anxiety.

You are right in saying that you need life balance. I am in a similar situation to you at the moment, in that I have an amazingly supportive boyfriend, but not as many female friends. My two closest female friends moved interstate this year for work. My boyfriend and I are actually in the same friendship group. My best friend (now lives interstate) introduced me to this group early last year (her now ex-boyfriend's friends). She left the group when she split with him. I started a relationship with a guy in the group, who is now my boyfriend! It's strange how things work out!

I will stop rambling now, just to give you a break!

Feel free to reply, and keep seeing your GP!

Best wishes,

SM

[James75]

Hi Sarah i can't believe you have describe me in your description down to a T And im a middle age male im going through the same experience as we speak, it's not an easy road but you are not alone.. If that helps just a little cheers James

[White_Rose]

Dear Sarah and James

Hello and welcome to Beyond Blue. I have read about myself in other posts and find it quite disconcerting. The reality is, when we have the same illness we tend to get the same symptoms. And in many ways that's a good thing. We know how others feel, we know what helps us and may help someone else. And it makes us more likely to try those things that have helped others.

We push away our friends and family because it is exhausting to talk at times. Plus we often believe we are not good enough for others, that we need to 'get over it' by ourselves instead of looking for help and accepting it. Friends move away for various reasons. SM's friends moved away, your friends are growing in different directions to you and it makes us feel unsure of ourselves and our place in the world. And that's without depression joining in.

Instead of trying to force yourself to go places and be with people, take a step back and consider what you want. You are also changing, so when you, Sarah, say you should join in the parties and bright lights it may be you are starting to look for something else in life. James, are you a party animal? Or has your path led elsewhere?

While depression can make you feel unhappy, and I know all about that, it can also be part of life changes. Not many of us look on change as being fantastic. Usually we go kicking and screaming to the next phase and then what all the fuss was about.

I look forward to reading your posts.

Mary

[Sj93]

I'm terribly sorry for the late reply, still figuring out how this all works, but what i can say is hearing other similar stories really helps, to know that im not the only one. I'm starting psychology in the next few weeks and as much as i'am scared i know that it will help. The Facebook tip sounds really helpful and like a good detox from social media and i will aim to work towards this thanks again!!

I'm slowly realizing you are in control of your own happiness and i cant put my happiness on people. I just need to open up and already talking about this is helping.

I appreciate your reply very much and thankyou!

[Sj93]

Hi James, sorry again for the reply, but this does help, its a common thing and i just have to learn how to adapt and make my mind think differently!

I hope you a going well 🙂

[Sj93]

Hi Kaz, thankyou for taking the time to reply i really appreciate all your advice. Your observation is correct I'm always looking for solutions and recently my partner lost his contract and stress is beginning to build up and not being able to adjust to this change, but i need to realize you cant fix things straight away, there isn't always a solution. Some things are out of my control and should be looking at what is going good in my life. The trigger people tip is useful and i have started to think like that, what you dont see wont hurt you, out of sight out of mind and it is helping, but sometimes my curiosity gets the better of me but im still learning.

Thankyou so much!

[Kazzl]

Hi Sarah! It's so lovely to see you. You sound a bit more positive hun, and that's really good progress. Sorry to hear about your partner's job - hope he finds something else soon.

That's very exciting about starting psychology! I can understand it's a bit scary but don't forget that all the other students will be scared too.

How are you getting on about treatment? Did your doc prescribe anything?

Stay with us hun - I'd love to hear how the studies go.

Kaz

[Zeal]

Hey Sarah,

It's great to hear from you, and don't worry about the delayed reply 🙂 Some people reply soon, others take a while, and others don't end up responding. It's the nature of the forums, and some people don't reply because they don't know what to say or are in a tough place psychologically.

It's exciting that you're starting psychology study soon! Changing my degree (which I'd hardly started due to illness) to Psych Science was the best decision I ever made! Psychology is so interesting, especially when you can relate what you're studying back to your own life or things you observe.

I'm glad you found my reply helpful! It's lovely when people like you are so grateful and can find comfort in learning about the experiences of others.

If you don't mind me asking, have you been seeing your doctor or a psychologist about the anxiety and depression? I hope you have been feeling better in regards to your past friendships.

All the best,

SM