That night my world changed forever...

[STILLEAR]

...the night my wife called my Doc who told her to call the police which she did. She took this difficult decision to save my life.

It was the middle of the night when I was woken by two police one each side of the bed...After a brief discussion I was arrested under some Mental Health Act...placed in a Paddy Wagon and carted off to the Mental Ward of a major city hospital where I was locked up...

I had a few weeks earlier made the disastrous decision to stop my anti depressant meds cold turkey as they worked briefly then didn't after a few weeks...and after about four different types I fell victim to what I have always described as a black hole...There were those extraordinary brief periods when I thought, " Is this what life is like without the pain?", I was euphoric then is passed...and back to the previous misery...

In this state of mind I discontinued the meds...wished I'd researched that earlier...

From millions to a bankrupt Centrelink survivor with my third marriage in tatters, in just 6 years...

Every day is a challenge to survive...

Today I made the decision to join this forum...maybe today I saved my life yet again...

Cheers,

[Doolhof]

Hi Stillear,

Wow! What a powerful story! Thank you so very much for sharing it with us all.

You wrote that maybe joining the forum has helped to save your life again. I do so hope that you do find help, care, understanding and a sense of acceptance here.

The forums are amazing, there is wonderful advice and resources to access, and people you can contact 24 hours a day on the phone help line.

I'm sure so many of us can relate to your experience, maybe not having millions though...that is a long way from my own situation.

A bit about me briefly, I have experienced depression and suicidal thoughts for decades, have been hospitalised twice and placed in a mental health ward for a couple of weeks.

I too have experienced the medication merry go round, the highs and the lows.

There are still days where I really struggle with life, I understand how tough it can be.

Can you let us know what you are hoping to gain my being here on the forum? Can you let us know how we can best help you?

Maybe right now you don't know the answer to those questions and that is okay. Sometimes I don't know how to answer them myself.

Sounds like you want to survive, that is a huge step in the right direction.

Hope others drop by to introduce themselves and to have a chat with you.

Cheers for now from Mrs. Dools

[james1]

Hi Stillear,

Welcome and congratulations on making it so far and taking the next step to post here. It sounds like you've been through so much and it takes tremendous courage to decide to save yourself. I hope you can continue to post.

I'm going through a rough patch at the moment too with depression and constant suicidal thoughts. But like you, I know there's something on the other end of this depression and I just want to be here for that.

Please feel free to tell us more about yourself and how you're feeling now. I've found this to be a great and very safe place for people to share their experiences and support each other.

James

[Carmela]

Hi Stillear and thanks for sharing your story. We are always here ready to support anyone whether they be the carers or the cared for. These forums are a place to share that are safe.

I hope the 28th July is the start of your healing journey. Only you can take responsibility for your life, and it starts with understanding about mental illness, medications, etc. The more knowledge we have, the better decisions we can make about our mental, physical and emotion health. There is lots of information available at your fingertips here on Beyondblue and the internet. Obviously, the best place to start is with your Dr by asking questions so you can make informed decisions in the future.

We are here for you and ready to support you as much as we can.

Carmela

[Starwolf]

Hi Stillear,

Welcome to the forums and thank you for sharing your thoughts. You have been through hell but the fact that you are here now is a blessing, even if it doesn't always feel this way.

I was once involved in a platonic relationship and shared house with a schizophrenic man who made the decision to stop taking his medication. A short euphoric period turned into a terrifying experience, for himself as well as those around him. It gave me an unwelcome insight into the consequences of interrupted treatment.

The trouble with hindsight is that it comes too late. On the bright side, it avoids repeating mistakes.

Your safety is a priority. If the urge to self harm becomes too intrusive, please do not hesitate to call the 24/7 helpline : 1300 22 4636. It is there to help those who need assistance over a rough patch. Talking with a caring, understanding outsider will help clarify a difficult situation -and your feelings- to yourself.

Taking on this challenge one day at a time is a wise and courageous decision. Hats off and a standing ovation to you.

It's great to have you on board.

[Grunt]

Hi STILLEAR,

first of all, nice choice of name! Because YES! You are still here!

I've been in what sounds like a very familiar situation to your own. University Graduate ... second relationship with a newborn baby ... everything I thought I wanted, life was sorted. Little did I know that the life that I had, the one that I thought was sorted?! It was so far from where I would end up.

The life that I craved so desperately for, the one that I finally had ... came crashing down around me in an unspectacular fashion. I went from having what I thought was my "all" to suddenly having only my clothes, in the back of my car.

I too was carted off to a Mental Health ward, the Emergency Ward and Hospital had become an all too familiar sight by this time. However, at the hospital it was discovered that my medication dosage was all wrong. This was rectified on the spot and 12 months later I personally and professionally have never been in a better position in my life. I'm in a profession I never imagined myself being in, earning money I've never earnt before and having relationships with family members I never thought imaginable!

If ever you get to a point that you think I don't need the medication anymore, I'm fine now ... question whether you're fine BECAUSE of the medication! I meet with my Doctor quarterly and she allows me to decide, of course in consultation with her whether I'm needing more or less of my current dosage. And believe me when I tell you, when I go and see her and we're downing my dosage ... I skip out of that office thinking I'm gonna beat this, I'll be med free in no time .. but then on my next visit I'll be back increasing my meds. I've come to the realisation that I don't think I'll ever be med free. As my psychologist once explained to me - some brains just do not produce enough of the right chemicals and medicinal intervention is necessary.

Do not be ashamed to take a tablet a day to keep you on your course! You're obviously a smart man if you managed to build a wealth worth of millions. You've done it before and with the right medical help, you'll be able to do it again!

[Guest_322]

A very warm welcome. Wow, what a powerful, moving post. I have to admit that I was rather speechless after reading it.

I don't know your full story but you come across as someone who has experienced many extremes in life. Extreme high points and (sadly) extreme low moments too.

I want to thank you for your courage in writing that post. I hope you continue sticking around. You're quite the fighter.

- Dottie

[Cantthinkofadisplayname1]

Powerful story mate. Can only imagine what it was like for you. However I'm glad your still here to tell your story....however painful.

Guess we're in the same boat....or the same ocean atleast. You and I are both rebuilding tattered pasts. Failed marriages...lost possessions...know how that feels. Hard at times ain't it.

I almost lost hope to tell you the truth. But as time goes by I'm starting to realise that needn't be the case. Do you remember that movie "The Crow"? There's a line in it - "It can't rain all the time". Not really words of wisdom I know but I get the overall message. To be sure it's hard to comprehend at times that there could be an end to the pain and suffering...but somewhere...sometime....somethings gotta give right? Stick with it pal...see those happier times. It will be worth the wait. Until that day comes just know that we're here and if we can we'll support you as much as possible.

CT