Terrified of returning to work

[Sally65]

Hi there, I have Bipolar II and am currently recovering from a severe depressive episode that was triggered by work stress and an unreasonable workload. I have been on sick leave since the end of August and spent almost 2 months in hospital. Theoretically, I should be returning to work at the end of January, but at the moment this thought really terrifies me and causes a lot of anxiety.

I have worked as a teacher in an elite independent school for eleven years, but feel really traumatized by my recent experience with total overload, pressure from so many angles and a workload that could only be met if I didn’t sleep much for periods of up to a week. I find I am mostly able to manage my medical conditions (bipolar and type 1 diabetes) under reasonable working conditions and can usually function with some level of work stress. However, this recent experience has totally floored me.

It's unlikely the workplace expectations will change. My care team is quite adamant I only return three days, but then how do I respond to peoples' questions and how will I cope with the social anxiety I now seem to have????

[Vitsyra]

Sounds like you've had a tough time ;-; but things can and will get better.

I would recommend you take deep breaths (mental ones) and try not to worry about things that haven't happened yet. This is something I do to myself, and its exhausting!! .. I read a good quote today about it, 'Worry is like paying a debt you don't owe'.

Try to work with your care team, if they say three days, take three days. Don't worry about people's question and how you will cope so much. You'll probably surprise yourself. And you don't have to tell them the truth, its none of their business. I also like the quote 'You wouldn't worry what people thought you so much, if you knew how little they really did'..kind of mean, but I found it comforting dealing with social anxiety as a teenager.

Social anxiety can be tricky, just take it one step at a time.

I feel like you need to find someone or someway to change your circumstances, you said they are unlikely to change which must be stressful for you. ;-; I don't really have good advice, but just hold in there. Plenty of people want to help you and I'm sure you will be okay!!

[Mathy]

Hi Sally65,

There’s no doubt that you’ve had a tough time. I don’t know a lot about BiPolar (apart from it’s tough), I do know Type 1 diabetes is difficult as well, from people I know who have that condition.

I have to say I’m in admiration of you, that you managed to work in a pretty stressful job (I know quite.a few teachers), whilst managing those 2 health conditions is pretty awesome, and you must be very determined, I’m guessing 🙂

I would say, you must heed the advice of your medical team and only return for 3 days. This is reasonable, as long as it is ONLY 3 days and you’re not sucked into working extra time, because I suspect that you will. There’s no shame in putting boundaries into place for anything in life, if it benefits your health. Think of this as baby steps, and you may have to take baby steps for a while. You wouldn’t go and run a marathon without actually preparing yourself for it - very similar situation.

Sometimes, anxiety can come from self doubt - perhaps you’re wondering if you’re going to cope, what happens if you “crack” again etc. What I will say, if anxiety is a new experience for you, is that ignoring it and not dealing with it, makes it grow stronger. You have a Care team, best talk to them about how you’re feeling. You do have enough time to practise some anxiety management techniques.

I have been in a similar situation to you (for different MH reasons). I’m happy to chat about strategies, if this will help 🙂

You’re a very strong person, bestest, cheers M 🙂