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Taxi owner/driver
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(57M 167cm 107kg) taxi driver, headbanger, into team sports. I have been struggling with my gender association all my life. I've tried the straight way, and the gay way but each way I felt I forced myself and felt uncomfortable. From a young age through adulthood, I tried both, it felt like something was off. I feel groused out with kissing and feeling romantic, I think I may have a past trauma or something unbalanced in my head. Deep down I felt torn between male and female thoughts, someone suggested I may be trans, not long ago. I have no attraction to either sex, but admiration towards women, not in a stalker way but fantasizing I was them, as for guys I think differently, either as friends with sexual desires or them having their way with me.
I'm a mixture of madness.
Some days that dreaded black dog makes me think crazy things, but that's when my mind imagines ideas and I write stories about them. There are other things about me I choose not to print, it might be creepy to some.
Now I have found a new sexuality and it fits most boxes of my make-up but not all. Autosexuality.
I have lived more for a sexual imagination and fantasy rather than human contact, throughout my life. I've even written sexual stories in some forums in the past, and I imagine I am what I'm writing about.
One thing Autosexual people do that I don't is, I'm not in love with myself.
I'm not suicidal anymore but still confused.
Where the hell do I fit in this world, and will I find out before my time comes to an end?
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The Autoeroticism and the Autosexual universe are where I slot in. It still not easy telling people.
