Struggling....

[HJNJ]

Hi Guys,

Thanks for reading!

I've struggled with anxiety and panic attacks for what feels like a million years. I got it hugely under control 3 years ago with the help of a CBT therapist and acupuncture. Was pretty much panic attack free until a month or so ago 😞

There's been a lot going on for me personally so I'm not surprised, I am aware that my natural response to certain stimuli is to panic. I am now reliving the debilitating, all consuming, hideous things again.... and I'm over it 😞

it's my birthday today and I had my daughters daycare Christmas party and as I entered the room filled with all things festive and surrounded by happy parents loving joining in with their kids, I felt that all to familiar rise in my gut, the hotness under my collar and my legs feeling like they were going to disappear beneath me. I want to be involved I want to do these things for my daughter and enjoy them but instead, I was holed up in the toilet rocking backwards and forwards searching for my sanity.

I made a quick exit and am now home feeling like a failure and without any knowledge of how to gain my control.

Im heartbroken.

im exhausted by the effort it takes to deal with this hideous affliction day in and day out. I just want to enjoy my life and instead I can't even stand the most simple of tasks.

Love to all those out there coping (ish) and are somewhere today feeling the way I am.

[Quiettall]

Hello

First of all, Happy Birthday. I understand your feelings. I have had times like you described. Anxiety has a way of creeping up on you and controlling or spoiling your good times. I hate crowds, so things like markets, big parties etc are things I try to avoid, not because I am a party pooper, but I like to feel safe, secure and at peace. When I get these feelings like you describe, I have to adopt some really strong self-talk to take control of my thinking and reactions. It is tiring but after a while, practise helps.

It sounds funny, but even as I child I did not speak until I was 19 for fear of being ridiculed or making a fool of myself. I often regress particularly when I am in front of a crowd or have an audience where I have to make a presentation. Self belief is so important and I envy those who have it by the bucket loads.

Keep posting as there are some wonderful peoplke here who will support you in your journey.

Have a nice day and spoil the child within you, on your special day

Peter