STRUGGLING & NO IDEA WHERE TO START

[Strugglingtocope81]

Hi all,

I am scared, I have a wife and a 6yr old and I have been struggling with happiness and love for a while now and all I have tried to do is what's best for them. I have forgotten about me clearly.

Have I failed them??

My wife wants to leave and take the little one with her as she believes I need help and she is not happy as my attitude, snipy comments and frustration has taken its toll.

Never been violent but clearly I've messed up along the way and about to lose it all.

Struggling to sleep, anxious and past week even thought about the worst.... how can I expect them to be happy with me when I can't see the light.

Tooday I reached out to GPnas I know I need help and a plan but cant see me Saturday!! I feel the constant pain and sadness over me 24/7.

I even looked today for support groups or meet ups for males in Perth but I can't even find that!

It's just this overwhelming feeling of uselessness and even self petty right now and I have NO idea how to even start to understand or start this process of loss!

The family are still here but different rooms and all I want is to show my family how good a dad and husband I can be...

Or am I just destined to fail like everything else I do!

[Sophie_M]

Hey Strugglingtocope81,

This sounds like a really difficult and isolating time. We can hear you have a lot of love and care for your family and just want to do the best by them, but to support others we need to make sure we're ok ourselves. We’re glad you could share this here, as our lovely community will have kindness, advice and understanding for you.

We are concerned about you, so we're reaching out to you privately to offer some support. 

Do you have any friends that you feel able to talk to about this? It sounds like you could really do with talking things through, so please don’t hesitate to give the lovely Beyond Blue counsellors a call on 1300 22 4636 or speak to them on webchat here (11am-midnight AEDT). There’s also some really good pointers here for staying connected, and finding support through a trying time.

You mentioned you'd love to find a support group but don't know where to start. This is an anonymous forum, so we can't provide recommendations for services in specific areas, but our friends over at Black Dog have a directory of support groups for mental health by state, here.

It is wonderful that you have been able to reach out for support here on the forums, it must have been difficult to write this post but you never know who might read it and feel less alone in their own experience. Please keep sharing whenever you feel comfortable to do so. We hope our warm and kind community will spot your post and offer their support soon.

Kind regards,

Sophie M

[Strugglingtocope81]

Thanks Sophie,

It means alot to at least feel someone is there to help.

Right now it's like a lost feeling and not one I'm enjoying.

Im sure there are many more people out there with worse than me and they need the help more as they are all so very important too.

I'll keep plodding along and get there I know that I'm sure.

Tim

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

In addition to what Sophie has mentioned ther eis the organisation DADS dads in distress on HELPLINE - 1300 853 437.

It was in Perth in 2002 that I met a DIDS representative in a park sitting handing out leaflets.

I've been where you are at and eventually I left my very narcissistic wife and she kept our 2 daughters. That was in 1996. One week prior there was my attempt, I wont mention more.

I survived and now my girls are 33 and 29yo. They needed me and they needed me to remain mentally ok and provide for them. My eldest daughter 4 years ago, prior to walking her down the aisle to marriage said "Thanks for making it dad". I knew it meant more than being present.

So I left one night after smoke rings were blown in my face. Kissed my girls on the forehead as they slept and drove off with few possessions. It took a few weeks in a 11ft caravan in a caravan park to gather myself. I had the usual fortnightly weekend visits of my kids. Then I spotted a block of land. This was significant because I had a new direction. I also get a second job. Now I planned my new kit home and my inspiration was to one day tuck my girls in their beds in their new bedroom. That came 11 months later.

I eventually found love again from someone that accepted me for who I am and has never abused me.

You can make it a good life story Strugglingtocope. We are here for you.

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/staying-well/the-best-praise-you'll-ever-get

TonyWK

[Petal22]

Hi Strugglingtocope81,

Wellcome to our forums.

Im sorry you are feeling this way.

Have you made an appointment with your gp?

I understand that feeling this way is difficult but with the correct help you can get better.

Im glad you have reached out to us on the forums we are a very caring community and we are here for you.

[Banksy92]

Hi Strugglingtocope81,

I'm so sorry to hear everything you're dealing with right now.

It's great to hear that you have showed interest in getting some professional support, I think that is an important step for you while you get through this. Have you heard anything back yet about an appointment?

In the short term, you may also want to utilize MensLine? It's a free counselling line for men available 24/7. The number is 1300 78 99 78.

Let us know how you're getting on.

[Banksy92]

Hi strugglingtocope81,

I'm so sorry to hear you're dealing with this right now, separation or relationship issues are such a difficult journey.

I think it's positive that you recognised that getting some professional support would help - I agree this is an important step to help you through this. Have you had an appointment yet?

In the mean time, you may also want to consider using MensLine. It's a free phone counselling service for men which you can access 24/7 in Australia - 1300 78 99 78.

Let us know how you're getting on.

[Strugglingtocope81]

Hi Banksy92

I can only get into my doctor to see them for a Mental Health Plan (which scares the day lights outnof me) to be part of. They can't see me till Saturday AM.

At the moment I'm just taking it hour by hour as im battling these thoughts and feelings and trying to hide it from the little one and still show strongness to my wife

[Petal22]

Hi strugglingtocope81,

Please don’t fear the mental health plan it’s the start of your recovery by doing this.

I have a lived experience of severe anxiety OCD I have now recovered from this condition after the professional help I received.

I understand it’s really hard when the thoughts are thick and fast ……… it’s hard…..

Maybe try some meditation and some deep breathing.

You could try to put one hand across your forehead and one hand across your lower abdomen………at the same time…. Just breathe

(This is very grounding)..

Please don’t feel you have to do this alone we are here…….

I understand your trying to be strong for your wife and son but have you been able to express to your wife how you are feeling inside?

[geoff]

Hello Tim, it's great you have reached out because many of us have been in exactly the same position as you and actually know how difficult this can be.

Being in this situation, we know that we love our wife and children but to say this and behave like we do, is not easy to display, let alone say it, like we did when there was nothing wrong.

At the moment and until Saturday, if possible, you have some homework to do, all in your time and without pushing yourself, try to write down on some paper, point form, how you are feeling, possible reasons and what triggers any of these emotions.

This will give them an indication straight away and it's much easier than trying to talk to them because normally we leave out a point we needed to say.

You can try and show your strength to your wife but it's not all there, you make statements to her but she knows that it's not the real Tim she has been used to and may wonder whether or not you mean what you are saying, this is by no means your fault, so don't blame yourself, you certainly didn't ask to be like this.

On this site you are talking to many people who have struggled themselves and totally understand everything you're saying, so talk with us, and have no fear, this happened to me when I had two sons and my wife was sleeping in another room.

I felt the same as you, and unfortunately, this site hadn't been created back then, now it's available to correspond with other like people.

Please take care.

Geoff.