Strategies to help me cope emotionally with my adult daughter with mental health and suicidal ideation.

[ladybird22]

Hi there

Not sure if I'm in the right place, but maybe someone can refer me to some help please.

For the past 10 years I've been in a type of "grieving" state of living. My daughter in her 40's is at rock bottom. She had a good husband, child, home and much to look forward to, then she went off the rails.

She was always a sensitive loving child and I've noticed over the years she has struggled to fit into the world, first I noticed she became addicted to "OTC medications:..

Her life spiralled downwards quickly and over 10 years later she has lost basically everything including her child. She is being evicted from her rental & so will be homeless. She doesn't have a car and unfortunately has addictions.. She has had suicide attempts a few years ago and is struggling with that again. 

I've tried everything over the years to help her, but have had to stop as I can't do any more as I was just enabling her.

She has a number of mental illnesses but for some reason unknown to me hasn't been able to access the help she badly needs.

The reason I'm writing here is I'm deteriorating as its breaking my heart as I'm now totally helpless and have to watch her become homeless in winter..

Not sure how I can get through this myself, any ideas?

[ladybird22]

Thank you so much Mrs Bean for your post, as just reading it cheered me up a little and lifted my mood.

I tend to be an optimistic person most of the time & do have a couple of friends, who aren't nearby to me who I know I can meet up with them from time to time, (have coffee n donuts 😁) & after the occasional wine I can find something to laugh about with. I also take myself to the cinemas and try to spoil myself, have a mini adventure somewhere, even if it's something simple like a VLine train trip to "somewhere" different.

My partner, although a kind generous person tries to help but he's an introvert & lacks confidence in many things. He's unwell at the moment which isn't helping, but as we all know life wasn't meant to be easy was it?

It's not what goes wrong in life, it's how resilient we are to get through the rough patches. I don't feel too resilient at present, but ive been through an awful lot of sad times in my life and I keep telling myself I can get through this too.

The past 2 years have worsened everything for most people, some more than others like my daughter.

when covid struck people were saying "we are all in the same boat!"...We'll I disagreed with that...

Some people were in ocean liners and others like my girl were in a sinking canoe...

I'll keep in touch with my daughter, will always be her mum & never give up on her, but ill let her make contact with me now, it's really her decision to reach rock bottom and get help, I can't do that for her..

[ladybird22]

Yes Petal22, you are correct that the addiction isn't mine and I need to be reminded of that sometimes..

As you said she will do what SHE decides to do anyway regardless of how much of my energy I give to her.

We are coming into winter here, grey gloomy weather, but today the sun is sneaking through and I'm sitting out getting the sin on the back of my neck fir some Vit D..

My partner although kind and helpful seems to be depressed himself and is unwell at the moment, so I have to make an extra effort to stay on top of my moods.

Yes I do try meditation from time to time in different ways, always out in nature somewhere, can't do it inside..

thank you and bless you 🙏

[Petal22]

Hi ladybird22,

I understand that you really love your daughter …… we will always love our children no matter what, that is a given.

Sometimes they will make poor choices but this is the path they on in the present, at any given time they can choose to change that path and come back the other way for the positive.

Believe me they really can choose to change and live a more positive life but it has to come from deep inside themselves to want to change.

Im sure you would love your daughter to choose change and to fight her addiction never loose hope because it is quite possible for her to do this…. Many have gone before her and are now living a more positive life.

Im sorry your partner is unwell, maybe he could feel also the strains of your daughters addiction?

Does he try to support you? I understand that some Dads or partners can get angry at what the addict is doing and then not know how to support their loved one in a positive way.

We are here for you on this forum please reach out to us anytime….

Walking in nature is amazing…. Try to practice mindfulness while you are walking.

Ive written a thread in staying well on this forum

Its called “how to find your inner calm “

you may find some information helpful.

Please let me know if you are having trouble finding this thread.

Enjoy the remainder of your beautiful day I hope the sun stays out 😊

[Petal22]

Sorry ladybird22

The thread is in Staying Well - Finding your inner calm 😊

[smallwolf]

hi.

sometimes decisions can be hard to make. Or we can make the wrong decision. I know I have. In the end we are all responsible for what we do.

Mum looks after dad - he has some medical related issues as well. And has to remind him when to take medications even though they are listed on the fridge. Being in contact with sometime 24 x 7, and where you cannot escape (I hope you know what I mean) it can seem harder still.

there is only so much you, I or anyone can do and can only do the best we can with the time available. Please be kind to yourself and know you are do the best you can.

[Mrs Bean]

Hi ladybird22,

Thank you so much for your message, and I can nearly smell the cinnamon on those doughnuts! Yum, can’t wait and I think I will be having a donut soon 👍👍

The Coronavirus has definitely effected people in completely different ways, and has emotionally left some people quite distraught and in shock with the ability to quickly see loved ones face to face taken away, let alone contracting the virus, or, facing an expensive and very stressful period of isolation with the possibility of it pushing you beyond what you can handle fearful front and centre.

Thank goodness those days of hard border closures and poor approaches to isolation are now a thing of the past, for now anyway.

I think wearing a mask and staying away from a lot of people within a short period of time is still a good idea.

Regarding resilience, we’ve all come through tough times with Covid-19 and your situation is much more challenging and difficult than the majority of people. I think the thing about resilience is ‘what’s the recipe’ as it’s hard to just make it happen.

I came across this article a little while ago about resilience, and it is definitely the best I have seen on this topic. It’s at

https://www.helpguide.org/articles/stress/surviving-tough-times.htm

If you can have a look it might jump out at you 🌟

I hope you are going a bit better at your end and stay strong! You are very inspiring with your experience to everyone I think.

Kind regards,

Mrs Bean