Stole and feel like the scum of the Earth

possumsdraw · ‎20-10-2023

I feel like a terrible person. I know I should have thoughts like “no I’m not, I’m just someone who did a bad thing.” And I know there are people who would disagree and say, yes, this does make me a bad person. I don’t know what to think anymore. I work for someone’s small business and I took money on three shifts out of desperation. There is no excuse for this. I didn’t have enough for rent, my phone, water, medication, car, and groceries. I am stressed out of my mind from uni and I have been unsuccessful in my job interviews as I have been looking for a second job because of money stress. I know this isn’t an excuse and it doesn’t make it okay. It was a terrible thing to do, taking from a small business because I know my employer trusted me enough to leave me alone with the cash box while they went to the bathroom. They have things they need to pay for as well, and I realise that now. I don’t know what came over me. I plan on giving this money back and a little more for damage because I feel horrible but this is my only job and I’m terrified of losing it without a backup. I know I should have thought of this before I stole but I didn’t. I thought I needed to do this. My employer sent me a message telling me they noticed money was missing from those shifts and if I had just been counting my change wrong. I know this wasn’t the case. But I’m terrified. I know I need to do what’s right and give it back but I’m so scared. I meant no harm but I know this must have had consequences for them. I guess I’m just asking for advice on what to do from here. I know I have to face the harsh consequences, whatever it might be. I know if I give it back, they might rightfully not want to work with me anymore. Do I wait until I have another job to fall back on? Do I just do it at my next shift? Do I tell them I was just counting change very wrong and just never do this again? The fact I am considering this makes me feel horrible. I think I know people are going to say “just give it back with a sincere apology asap” and I really do want to. I am scared. I can’t help but feel like a terrible person and I’m questioning why I even did this. I know why but it doesn’t make it right. It shouldn’t matter what I feel because I’ve done somebody wrong. I really am sorry.

indigo22 · ‎20-10-2023

Hi possumsdraw,

Welcome to the forum, thank you for your honesty and reaching out to us.

I guess the first thing I would like to say is that we all makes mistakes at some point in our life, some we regret more than others. You are facing a dilemma where you know you did the wrong thing but you are unsure how to fix it. The fact that you know it was the wrong thing to do shows that you learn from your mistakes, which is a good thing. I can't tell you what to do, I can only tell you what I would do in this situation, the rest is up to you.

The first thing I would do is ask for a private meeting, that I have something to discuss with them. I would begin by saying that I have made a mistake that I deeply regret and want to be open about fixing it. I would then explain the reason it happened (just the truth, no excuses), that I want to pay the money back to them and I understand that this was a betrayal of their trust which I also deeply regret. I would then ask if there is anything I can do to earn their trust again going forward. The rest is up to them.

Unfortunately, when we make mistakes there are consequences, some have more impact than others.

I hope this helps you,

indigo22

tranzcrybe · ‎20-10-2023

An odd decision to 'leave the till' for a trip to the bathroom. It would take a few seconds to lock, so I wonder if this was a small test for you.
Either way, your employer seems to be throwing you a lifeline, if not supporting your lapse of rational thought, then perhaps understanding that temptation can lead to poor decisions.
If not so, they probably would have called the police.
Plus the fact that most businesses have cameras everywhere, they may be hoping you do the right thing and come forward to save the humiliation.
The hardest bit for you is that you are tormented with the guilt, so facing up will at least get that monkey off your back and restore faith in yourself once more.

You're a good person because you have empathy for those you let down.

possumsdraw · ‎23-10-2023

Update: Thanks for the advice everyone. I had given the money back and they were very understanding. Though I had to be let go, they offered to give me some money for the road because times are hard. I refused the money but I really appreciated the sentiment. They offered their contact for me to put in my resume for job applications as well. I knew they were an amazing person and I am so grateful I was shown compassion. Just like any other mistake I make, I have grown with this one. I hope I show myself some compassion as well because I know I made a mistake and sincerely wanted to make it right.

indigo22 · ‎23-10-2023

Hi possumsdraw,

Thank you for updating us, I am very proud of you for doing what you did.

Mistakes happen, it is how we deal with them that matters most. You dealt with this mistake with honesty and integrity, that is why you were treated with compassion.

You need to be compassionate with yourself so it becomes a lesson for your life and not a mistake to beat yourself up over, it is all part of the growth process.

Take care,

indigo