Some Days are Diamonds and Some Days are Stones

[SurvivingStill]

Hi Everyone,

I am 36 years in to my struggle with depression. As a 15 year old over achiever, I had no idea of the molehills that would become mountains for me. Now I am 51 years young and today is a good day. I haven't achieved a lot today, but I am not crying, I have left my bedroom, the cat has been fed. I have reached out to a new community of like minded people to perhaps help and be helped. Today is not a Diamond Day, but it is better than a Stone Day.

Yesterday was woeful and more 'stone' like. Lots of tears, phoning my husband at work and crying at him, hiding in my room, and wanting out. I get so tired of the stuggle. Feeling the dark clouds circling, then they are above me and enveloping me. As a fairly logical and analytical person most days, my bad days can be really taxing on me. The disconnect of my normal thought processes and coping techniques is considerable. Then, the clouds move on, disperse and I am left with a weird sense of deja vu. Haven't I been here before? Haven't I learned from previous episodes? That is me trying to analyse what cannot be analysed.

For the young people out there beginning your struggle, I can say this much. It is worth the struggle! I have achieved in my lifetime as a sufferer of depression. I have had a short but successful career, I have 2 wonderful sons who are great young men, and I have a rather special husband. I am a good person with an illness. My friends and family understand that and are supportive. Any friends or family who do not understand, are not welcome in my life.

Some days are diamonds and some days are stones. Like a rollercoaster, life has its ups and downs. Thanks for letting me introduce myself to your community. My thread would have been more negative if I had been able to post yesterday. What a difference a day makes.

Mary

[blondguy]

Hello Mary

Welcome to the forums and thankyou for your heartfelt & inspirational post!

I understand every word you wrote Mary and for having the inner strength to post such a great thread. I am 58 and this is my 22nd year with depression (under management and meds) just for your info

May I ask why you had a stone day? I know sometimes there is no common denominator as depression can be like a roller coaster ride without a reason....not to mention a dark place to be. I am sorry for your pain

The forums are a Safe and Judgement free place for you to post Mary. You are wonderful for helping out the young readers/members when you mentioned "For the young people out there beginning your struggle, I can say this much. It is worth the struggle! I have achieved in my lifetime as a sufferer of depression"

I really hope you can stick around the forums Mary....if you wish of course 🙂

My kind thoughts

Paul

[SurvivingStill]

Hello Paul,

Thank you for your kind welcome.

I am never sure why I have had a bad day. My main feeling was that I was terribly isolated. We live outside a tiny country town, and close to a couple of small towns. When I am clinically depressed, I do not drive my car, so I am basically stuck within my home.

Isolation is a huge problem for those of us continuing the struggle with mental health issues. For me, it is perhaps the biggest problem.

My husband and I have also heard of the passing of a dear friend from our earlier years. This was unexpected and our friend passed away in Zurich in February. This loss is definitely weighing on both of us. Perhaps I am questioning a lot of my life after our friends passing.

I am still working my way back from Tuesdays blues. Today, I am already doing better than yesterday and much better than Tuesday. The climb back from the brink is happening and each step is a bonus.

Hope you are well, Paul. I fought medication for many years, but have been medicated for approximately 20 years. I dip into medical assistance as needed. Often seeing a Psychologist once every 4-5 years for a 'tune-up' helps me get back on track. I have a very supportive GP and this assists me greatly. That being said, I have not worked in full time employment since my 20's. Instead I have provided years of volunteer work and find it is much less stressful for me. Recently, I have reduced my volunteer commitment and traded it for being my mothers main carer (she lives nearby in a nursing home), a support person for two close friends in their 70's and a supportive friend to others as well. Like many who suffer from depression, I often put others health higher in line than my own. Haven't worked out how to change that yet.

Thank you again for your response to my thread.

Mary

[blondguy]

Hello Mary

Thankyou so much for posting back.

To have someone (You) say that they are feeling a bit better is a huge bonus to read. Your mum is fortunate to have a daughter like you Mary. The care you are providing not only to your mum but to friends in their '70's as well is wonderful. I think you are amazing...seriously

You had the courage to post here with us....and that takes courage. I have been on the forums since Jan 2016 after being made redundant and was also isolated....even though I live in semi suburbia in southern vic

You are also very honest when you mentioned that you place other people first before yourself. That is very noble and common...yet it does take time to realize that our own health is paramount

You have done well with so many years of volunteer work Mary.

I hope you have a good weekend 🙂

My Kindest

Paul