So exhausted.

[Yesitsme]

I have struggled with depression/anxiety throughout my life. After having my son i experienced severe pnd and stayed in a mother baby unit for a month. My husband works 7 days a week. I have a daughter, after her birth I was anxious but not as bad as first time. My husband works constantly, i work full time and pretty much look after kids on my own and run the house. The past 4 years have been awful in my marriage. I have left once but came back as i was on maternity leave and no money. My husband is not a bad person, he just doesnt love or care for me in a way that I need. He does not support me as a husband or my kids as a father. This year my sister passed away, ive lost two cousins just recently. Ive also found out that my heart is not working as it should be. Im 40 and i am just so sad all the time. It takes every ounce of energy i have to go to work, look after my kids and keep up with everything, the last 6 months i am getting worse and worse. I feel as though everything is hard. This weekend i have basically lay around all weekend and my kids are stuck here with me. To top this all off i am constantly eating and putting in weight. I broke down to my mum a few weeks ago and no help from her. My husband just wont stop working and i dont know what to do anymore. My house is so messy and untidy because ive given up and i dont know what to do. I cant make anyone understand the extent of this and how debilitating it is. I once used to be fit and motivated, i used to be optimistic but ive lost everything, my soul feels gone, lost. And noone helps me so i can get better.

This poem i wrote a month ago.

Sadness lives inside me.
Wrapped around my heart, my lungs, my muscles.
It slows me. I cant move.
There is no forward, only standing still.
Watching things arrive and then watching them go.
Trying. Reaching. Struggling against it.
Too strong for me now.
Im empty. The void widens.
My light is dimming. I want to run.
Anywhere anywhere.
But i cant move.
Emptiness beckons me.
This is where you end.
This is the last stop,
the last thought,
the last.
Empty.

I dont know what to do anymore. Why cant I get myself better anymore. I have no motivation anymore.

Thanks for reading.

[BballJ]

Hi Yesitsme,

Firstly, welcome to the forums. I am sorry to read what you are going through. It doesn't sound easy at all. Well done for posting your story and reaching out for help.

After reading the whole post the one thing you said resonated with me the most "Why can't I get myself better anymore"... this is a strong statement and many people feel like can work themselves out of feeling down and what not but in reality we need so much help. One thing I recommend to you after reading your story is that have you ever spoken to your GP about how you are feeling? They can possibly refer you to a psychologist which from what I read may really help you a lot. You have a lot of feelings going through your mind and they will help put them in order and bring you out from under them. You don't have to fight this battle alone, you are found a great forum and pretty much all of us here sufferer from or have suffered from a variety of mental health issues. We can help you get through this. I think also after speaking to a psychologist, maybe there may be an option of marriage counselling for you and your husband?

Please, post back as much as you like, we are always happy to talk.

My best for you,

Jay

[eeejaybee]

Hi Yesitsme

I am not surprised you feel exhausted all the time.

I think what BballJ Jay recommended is a good start.

See your GP and don’t be afraid to tell them how you feel. It is not weakness or failure to be so overwhelmed by so much.

Your kids and loved ones will only benefit from you not being so exhausted and struggling so hard.

We are all behind you. 😊

e