Sinking under the pressure

[nuckey]

Hi, I'm new and am just about at the end of my tether My darling husband of 36 yrs suffers from depression This was not always the case in 2000 he was medically retired (airline pilot) for a DVT and in the same year we nursed his farther with terminal cancer. From there our life has been senseless we have seen 4 psychiatrist and he had been on many many many drugs and hospital stints I have coped BUT last year I injured my shoulder which has stopped me doing my job and things around the house it's on the mend now but I have found my tolerance is zero I guess I'm just worn out and feel bad that I'm not supporting him better He has no interest in trying to find a purpose and I'm getting to the stage where I just don't want to go home Feeling very disappointed in the medical world as its like "try this drug and come back next month" the problem here is I have to deal with the day yo day which can be heartbreaking Any thoughts would be much appreciated Cheers

[james1]

Hey there

Welcome to the forums.

It sounds like you've been trying really hard and are just feeling a bit stuck.

it can be very hard caring for someone with depression because it can often feel like a losing battle. But often, it's because the gains are actually very small and not things that, when we're not depressed, we'd consider as achievements.

That is often a good place to start for your husband. Recognising that his mental situation has changed and recognising the effort it can take to even get out of bed, let alone get changed and out the door. When we or others give us encouragement about the small things, we can draw energy from that.

You mentioned medication and hospital stints but I wonder if he has also seen a counsellor or psychologist? Medications are often only suggested as a temporary fix while psychotherapy is used to address any other issues. So the GP will often work with a psychologist and sometimes a psychiatrist. Perhaps they can also help address his motivation to get better.

Otherwise, I'm also concerned about your well-being. It's important that you stay healthy too and the support lines like beyond blue (1300 22 4636) are also for carers too. There are some links below under the heading supporting someone which you can use for information.

I hope you feel safe replying here. It sounds like you're feeling mentally worn out.

James

[Guest_128]

Hi,sending a big hug to you.

sounds like you are doing a fantastic job.

thankyou hang in there.

[geoff]

hello Nuckey, I'm not sure whether you are still checking your post for replies, I really hope so, however your situation only needs for something to happen to you where you fall into a heap, only because you have been doing your upmost to help your husband, and under extreme pressure to get him back onto his feet, and it's never easy to help someone suffering from depression, because you aren't able to get an answer from him that is a stable answer, he keeps changing his mind, so where a decision has been made for doing something is most likely to be changed the next time it's raised.
This will frustrate you but you still persevere, because you feel that's what you should do, but when you yourself sustains an injury, then everything changes and will make you stop trying to help him, simply because it was hard work and with no possibility of success, so you now concentrate on your own injury that you're suffering from.
Nothing will happen with your husband unless he can find a psych who he can talk to, open up to and feel comfortable with, otherwise it's seeing one psych after another with no positive outcome.
At the moment you need to get better, because at the moment your injury is only adding to all your pressure. Geoff.