Silent

[Mumma07]

Hi, I’m very new to this, talking out on a prublic forum about my problems.

Anxiety and depression are such a silent illness and aren’t addressed properly and are labelled a weakness. They are both the hardest things I have ever had to hurdle. And I continue to hurdle them every day.

Its hard talking about how you’re feeling when really, I don’t even know how to describe it. The things that are going around in my head are hard enough for me to understand let alone trying to explain it to someone else.

Life is throwing so many curveballs at me at the moment, I’m doing okay but I’m having more bad days than good. My family knows about my depression and anxiety but not the extent of them. My husband tried to be there and understand the best he can but it’s hard for him not having been through either of them. It’s hard to open up to my family I guess? I want to. But I can’t. Some of my family have had depression, experienced anxiety but they have trouble as they compare. No one. And I mean no one, has the same problems with both of these illnesses. No one is the same. No one should be compared. And that’s what stops me. I feel silly. They’ve been through they’re anxieties and depression but mine is completely different and they don’t understand why is so hard. They never will. You can’t make people understand. It’s not easy. Every day is a battle. It’s just easier to stay silent.

[kanga_brumby]

Mumma Welcome to Beyond Blue Forums a safe place to open up and share. You say you have depression and anxiety. As well as your family but they don't understand your depression and anxiety at all. Because we are all different. We all experience anxiety differently because we are different people.

Yet you want help and guidance from us who are also different. Most of us in here have tried different avenues to live a "normal" life with depression and anxiety. Most of us have found common things that help us get through the day. Valuations on a common theme that is possibility where your family are guiding you. I hope you find something to help you through the day then apply it to the point you make it through the month.

Peter

[Mumma07]

Hi Peter. I have been diagnosed with anxiety and depression. Yes it has and continues to be hard for me because my family don’t understand as I said, yes I understand that I have reached out to people on here and I know everyone on here has it different too but you all seem to understand that. The reason it’s hard with my family is because they don’t understand that everyone gets it differently.

i will continue to try and find my way.

thank you.

[Croix]

Dear Mumma07~

I'd like to join Peter in welcoming you here and quite agree that depression and anxiety takes people in different ways. Also that for most people these things are not part of their experience, they have nothing to help guide them and as a result they can be very unfeeling, or at least appear that way.

Yes I guess we are a bit different here as there are so many it's quite likely there will be several who have similar experiences, and even if not a lot of us have faced uncomprehending family and friends -not to mention workplaces.

I felt I was alone in having noone htat understood, even tohhgt

[Croix]

Sorry my message posted incomplete -sigh. It happens sometimes, anyway I'll continue on:

I felt I was alone in having no one that understood what I was going though, even though I was lucky enough to have a loving partner who tried her hardest to support me. It was not easy for her, in part because she blamed herself - at least to start with.

I guess the first thing to say is that you are very welcome to say how you feel here, it will be fine.

The second is that while the personal support of family and friends is most important, so too is treating the condition itself. You mentioned you had been diagnosed. Has this followed though into medical support, with maybe therapy and possibly medication too? In my own case until this happened things simply deteriorated.

Having a husband who tries is a great thing. I found with my partner for her to gain a measure of understanding she had to accompany me to my doctor who was able to explain basically what was happening. Do you think this is an option?

Croix

[Mumma07]

Thank you for your reply.

I have sat down with my husband and we have spoken about the things that I feel and I’ve tried to explain everything and what can help me. We are both going to a psychologist so he can understand a little more.

I have been told multiple times that I need to be on medication but I can’t because I have a really dodgy liver and it’s not worth putting my body through it so I have to take any other option there is.

i have seen multiple psychologists in the past, it’s very hard to create a relationship that makes it easy for me to talk, it’s on of those things that I just need to get over. I need to break down my own walls and just open up. They don’t know me. I should have nothing to be scared of. But it does. It’s scares me. Opening up. In person. Face to face. Being able to see facial expressions while I’m telling my life story? While I’m telling them why I feel the way I do. I have a hard time dealing with that. I will get there.

thank you though. And yes. I am a very lucky woman having the husband I do. He is absolutely amazing and it’s going to take a while for us both to understand what’s going on.

[PamelaR]

Hi Mumma07

I'd also like to welcome you Mumma07. It is pleasing to see you've found your way here, especially since you find it so difficult to open you, face to face with a psychologist.

I'm not a health professional, so my responses to you are based around my own experiences.

Both Peter and Croix have give you some fine words of wisdom. Lovely to see.

Yes, we are all different here. Our anxiety and depression affects us in different ways. We also respond to people in ways that are not similar at all. In part I believe this is because our experiences weren't the same, our backgrounds, family life are also different. The friendships we've made, the interests, hobbies and sport again change between each of us.

All these differences make each of us unique, so our anxiety and depression is going to be unique to each of us.

If you find face to face talking with a psychologist a little confronting / difficult, have you thought about being referred to an online psychologist? I'm sure there is such a thing. You may find you will open up a little more. Gaining your self confidence is a really important step. Once you've done that you able also be able to discuss things more openly with your family.

Please write to us some more.

Kind regards

PamelaR

[Croix]

Dear Mumma07~

It's a real pity about meds, most unfortunate. Does your liver preclude al types, or some specific ones?.

Now, as for talking face to face. Yes a most difficult thing to do. I've found not only do I get muddled and leave things out I've wanted to say, but I've also chickened out on some important things that were embarrassing or simply frightening or too personal. Plus the fear of consequences does take hold.

My answer was to set it all out on paper then hand the paper over and go though it bit by bit. It ends up being a sort of shopping list, except it is feelings, thoughts and symptoms, plus descriptions of the past. It's worked well, and even the doctor or psych has been pleased.

It has the net effect of being treated for what is actually wrong, not what is visible outside the mask.

Once things are actually out in the open it does get easier.

Croix

[Mumma07]

Thank you Pamela! I will definitely look into online psychology. Fingers crossed there is such a thing.

Croix, yes all meds. I have to even be careful taking panadol. 😔 it is what it is I guess and I will find a way to work through it.

Thank you all so much for your response. Xx