Sad mum

[Thismum]

Hi all, I'm new here, I have been struggling really bad this past few weeks with everything that has been going on, I thought I would go onto the website to find some help and thought starting with writing my problem down might even help a little.

I'm a mum of 2 young boys, 3 and 5 years old. My 5 year old has severe autism and ADHD. He started school this year but now with all the lock downs he is home from school and I am also out of work.
Since being home with him I have just hated being with him, he has full on meltdown and tantrums every day, breaks things ruins things, screams in his younger brother's face and hits and punches me. I am just resenting him and can't even look at him with love unless he has fallen asleep for the night.
I really hate being a mum to him and am crying as I write these words because it's so horrible to feel this way. My younger son has no mental issues and is a good little boy and acts the way I have wanted Him to be raised, he also deals with his brother being mean and disrupting our whole family, he just makes being in our home so unpleaseurable. I am getting severely depressed over this situation sometimes if I lie down to have a cry about it I feel numb and can't even get back up for a while.
Also with lock downs it's hard to get my 5yr old help and support that he needs, even before this it is such a draining effort to deal with it all.
I sometimes just think I should get up and leave my family and run away, but that wouldn't be fair to my husband and 3yr old. But me dealing with all this is not fair to me and I don't know how much longer I can do it.

❤️

[jess334]

Hi Sad Mum,

Welcome to the Beyond Blue forums.

Honestly, I've been trying to write a positive post to you for 5 minutes, but I cannot think of a single thing to say.

It is a horrible situation that probably won't get better anytime soon. I hope you get some relief from knowing that you are not alone in struggling atm.

The beyond blue forum community is amazing and we are here to listen.

With hope, Jess.

[Nurse_Jenn]

Hi ThisMum,

I am so sorry to hear that you are feeling so low today. Looking at your son with love, even if it only while he is sleeping, is still love. The fact that your routine, your work life and all the things that help kids with autism thrive has been turned upside down right now is so incredibly tough. As Jess has mentioned, the community here is supportive and if writing has helped, I encourage you to continue to do this. You are not alone.

There are some links to resources I have found on both Autism Awareness Australia and Autism Spectrum Australia. These are links for both parents and some for kids themselves. If you are feeling up to it, you might have a look to see if there are any strategies that other people are revealing during this time. Many families who have a child with Autism will be feeling the pressures and disruption and I wonder if there are any support groups that you might be able to tap into on social media or locally? Or perhaps you have supports already set up that you could reach out to?

www.autismawareness.com.au/news-events/aupdate/autism-and-coronavirus-covid-19-the-essentials/

www.autismspectrum.org.au/how-can-we-help/helping-you-to-navigate-covid-19

It also sounds like getting some support for just you is also a priority with all this increase in your stress. I wonder if you have talked to your GP or a health professional about this lately? Having all these new factors to incorporate due to COVID19, on top of other ones, must be so very heavy. GPs are doing telehealth services now and it might be an idea to talk with some about the pressure that you are under.

You could even try reaching out to a support number such as Lifeline on 131114 or the Beyond Blue support line 1300 22 46 36. Sometimes a simple phone call when you are really struggling can make a big difference.

Sending you strength,

Nurse Jenn

[Scoade]

Hi Thismum

I wanted to reach out to offer you some reassurance that you are not alone right now.

I work in a high position within the NDIS world and a challenge we are facing everyday due to Covid is how to maintain routine for people with Autsim.

I know this is so hard right now, and potentially all of your supports seem to be fading due to the overall restrictions being put in place by organisations.

I do wonder if you are linked with NDIA providers? If not, it might be worth jumping onto the NDIA website to search providers in your local area and give them a call to see what they are currently offering.

your young man is at a tender age, it is so important to know that these behaviours are not because he resents you, or is misbehaving. It sounds like you already understand the frustration he must be feeling.

Whilst every situation is different, I do suggest normalising all normal routines (EG his morning routine right up until he leaves for school) and then using his communication method to manage the significant change.

also, being in this situation makes everyone anxious. Your love for your son will never go away, it is trying time for you both but one thing I have noticed in my line of work is that parents like yourself are some of the most resilient, understanding, compassionate and courageous women.

Good luck, and remember you are not alone.