Returning to Beyond Blue

[MrGeorge]

hi all, just thought i'd post one of these up, last time i was on the forums was probably 2020-ish!

so glad these forums exist, they helped me a lot in the past and i hope they will help me again, as well i hope to help others in the process!

Recent Depression and Anxiety flare-ups have bought me back here seeking advice and kind words, my whole life i try to think of myself as a kind person and try to be a good person, but unfortunately its something i have to actively supress as the saying goes others mistake my kindness for weakness and  pretty much almost always try to take advantage, its just so unfortunate.

Combination of moving house and trying to find a new job has been a killer as well, however i guess most of my anxiety and depression comes from work related issues, mainly dealing with nasty people with big egos who are always looking for ways to cut you down or make you feel small, again its so disapointing as theres no need for it, people can be kind, but they just choose not to it seems

Anyway thats it from me for now, somebody please tell me i'm not alone here! 😅

looking forward to chatting with you all sometime 😊

-G

[Sophie_M]

Hi Guest_51715632,

This is Sophie from the Beyond Blue moderation team. We wanted to reach out to say welcome back and thank you for sharing on the forums today!
We can hear from your post that you've been going through a hard time lately with work stress. If you want to talk it through with our lovely counsellors, please call 1300 22 4636 or head to our webchat https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support

Thank you again for posting, it’s a great step to have taken. There’s lots of lovely people on the forums who may be able to relate and will offer support and kind words to you.
Kind regards,
Sophie M 
 

[Croix]

Dear G~

Welcome back, yes, we are still very much here. I'm very pleased the Forum helped in the  past.

I believe kindness is one of the most important tihngs there is, and to aspire to be kind praiseworthy, the only sad part is that being human we can't always be what we aspire to:)

I'm sorry to hear your depression and anxiety have flared up again, dealing with toxic people can easily make those conditions worse. May I ask if you have any medical assistance for these? The reason I ask is I have a similar set of conditions and found I could never make myself improve, however clinical help did.

I hope you have found a house you can move into, costs are very high and feel for you if you are in the job seeking merry-go-round. It is a most soul-destroying expereince. Writing  out CVs to suit particular jobs, sending  them off only to get a letter of rejection -or worse still permanent silence.

Can I suggest you do not allow this to take over your life. One technique thay may work is to only spend part of each day dealing on jobs. Maybe the mornings, but have a rigid rule that at noon you stop and do other things for the rest of the day, ones you may enjoy or distract you.

Trying ot do all this alone is hard, do you have anyone in your life to support you, someone you can talk with and who may not fix anything but does show they care?

Croix

[MrGeorge]

Hi Sophie, thank you for the warm welcome, i think i even remember you a bit from last time! i really appreciate the support number and website, i will definitely keep these in mind

Thank you so much for the work you do here, these forums are a great place and i do recall many lovely people here including yourself who i still remember their kindness and support to this day 😊

[MrGeorge]

Hi Croix!

It certainly did thanks to great people like yourself i really appreciate it 😊

a quick side note, i tried replying to sophie's message but it doesn't seem to show up? we can reply to moderators right? or is the reply itself awaiting moderation? im still rusty as ever with these forums 😅

You're absolutely right there, one huge thing i only learned a few months ago actually, that had me saying "where was this wisdom my whole life?" is that "good people can sometimes do/say bad things, and likewise bad people can do/say good things" it sounds like a really simple thing, but its so easy to write off a good person if you catch them at a single bad moment, and likewise its easy to put your trust in a bad person who is just acting  nice..ive made that mistake many times before unfortunately 

medical assistantance for me is a no, do you mean like medication? what has been your experience  with it? i'm very wary of taking anything (never taken medication before) just from hearing potential negative side effects, its just something id rather not try at all unless i really need to, most of my issues are directly caused by just never ending crappy circumstances i guess

thats great advice for the job searching thank you! im sort of trying something like that but will definitely have to be a bit more rigid about it, its too easy to comb over the same jobs all day long and scrutinize what i would realistically want to work in, my industry is kind of high demand which is good at least, but the problem is finding a Good job, not a bad one that'll pay low, have too much hard physical  labour, or have weird hours e.g. night shift

my partner is great and she is the one i usually talk to, but there is a limit i suppose, which is why im seeking additional advice here too haha...wish i had more friends in real life sometimes but to be honest it always seems like most people don't give a stuff these days, its just so tricky to make friends as an adult lol

[Croix]

Dear Mr George~

Your post to Sophie_M is in place, it may simply have taken longer to come through, sometimes that happens. I'm also glad that way of dealing with job applications sounds useful, it is so easy for them to take over your life.

I'm not a doctor, so could not say if finding a good job and associating with kind people will make everything feel right -it may well do. I'm very glad you have a great partner, mine was and is a real treasure and support in my life. Please bear in mind that you partner too may require some support -family member or friend perhaps - as it is a very stressful time.

With medical assistance I mean I have always had GP's and a few times psychologists but mainly psychiatrists, but then again I have PTSD to deal with along with the other issues. Medication has been a constant, though it has taken a fair while to find a combination that actually works and does not have much in the way of side effects. When found that made a huge difference (I'm still on meds now and expect to remain on them). Some people find what they need straight away, and many recover to the extent they are longer needed.

The only real drag is trying a medication, giving it enough tine to stabilize, and then judging if it is of help. If not tailing off and starting another.  It takes a certain amount of determination, plus a clinician who is prepared to be flexible.

It is easy to believe people are all self centered and hostile, not caring about others. Hover you have only to look around this place  to see  people who do give a stuff and see how many are here assisting others despite their own problems, this place attracts good people.

Good luck with a job

Croix

[MrGeorge]

Hi Croix, ahhh i see, right after i posted the reply to your kind message the other day it showed up, so there is a delay it seems 😅 exactly right about job searching, far too easy for it to become almost obsessive 

To be honest i have no idea..finding the right job in the industries I'm in has proven to be as rare as gold, probably only once or twice in my career thus far ive had a job where the job and people i worked with were genuinely great to work for, i went for a career change to a different industry ( but only part time hours) which was amazing and fulfilling, yet didnt make nearly enough money to pay the bills, so after giving it a go for 2 years returned to full time work, and pretty much the first day on the job, in the morning drive to work it was literally "like someone flipped a switch" and all these intense feelings of depression, sadness, and despair returned to me after 2 relatively stable years, was a huge shock to the system to say the least

Partner is well supported by myself and many of her family and friends which as always great to see, she is generally very happy and understanding which is great 😀

on the medical side of things, could you clarify for me what the difference between a counsellor, therapist, psychologist and psychiatrist was? been a while, i used to get therapy but i do remember it being quite expensive even with a mental health care plan, plus it didn't help me that much unfortunately, but open to possibly trying again

I see, maybe medication just isnt my thing, hearing about side effects and knowing that a certain medication is going to change my emotions, moods, and the way my brain functions, in possibly unpredictable ways - all of that just really freaks me out, its great it works for many people though, absolutely no judgement at all from me, but for me i think its not my thing

This place attracts many good people for sure, but out in the world i always find it different, id love to be proven wrong but unfortunately I've been proven right and burned way too many times...but ah well i keep trying usually lol 

thanks heaps 😀

[Croix]

Dear MrGeorge~

It looks like you really need a job that fits - full time. If I understand you right you went to a part time job in another industry, and the people were good and you found it made a huge positive difference to you. Sadly part-time did not pay enough.

Was it the fact you returned to full time, or going back to the original industry that 'flipped the switch'? Then again might it have been the toxic environment you went back to rather than the hours?

While I can see part time in a pleasant environment may not pay enough is there any possibility of finding full time in that industry, maybe that might be just enough to pay the bills?

I stayed far too long in an occupation that was highly damaging, and when I did get assistance I was in a poor condition and that much harder to treat.

So I guess keeping on looking for a compatible job may still be the only long term answer. No job is worth your mental or physical health

Therapist is a general term, my experiences is with GPs who can prescribe, create Medicare Mental Health Plans and refer (mainly to psychologists some of whom can prescribe) and psychiatrists (who are not part of the MMHPlan).

Psychiatrists tend to be the most able, and most expensive, they as well as some psychologists do tend to specialise. No hard and fast rules. Some GPS bulk bill, fewer psychologists do (so you pay a gap fee) and psychiatrists are mostly just plain expensive

There are two Medicare safety nets, one for medications (if listed) and one for medical expenses with recognized doctors, psychologists, psychiatrists and others. Each is for the current calendar year. I do not know the thresholds which vary according to various rules.

I'm sorry your expereince with therapy was unhelpful. It can take a number of tries to find one that clicks wiht you and is effective. The first psychologist I went to made matters significantly worse and I stopped after a few visits. It is basically the same as trialing medications as I described in my last post. Even with a MMHPlan you are right, it is an expensive exercise.

Croix

[MrGeorge]

thanks Croix, apologies for the delay, moving house has been kicking my butt lately, though i can finally see the end as theres only a few more boxes left 😀

Getting a good full time job is my plan hopefully, but so hard these days with the sheer amount of agency positions, almost every company seems to want to go the easy route and hire someone via a recruitment agency, obligation free, no benefits, terminate anytime. But anyway Yes, youre exactly right, it made gradually made a huge, huge difference over the course of 2 years where one day i stopped what i was doing and thought "wait a minute, am i better now???" but then that switch flipped, no idea how or why, i hadn't even stepped foot in the place or met any staff yet

Unfortunately as far as i know the nature of the work means pretty much every job is part time, some do offer "permanent part time" which could be worth looking into, though again itd be only a short term solution unfortunately 

I can certainly relate to staying in a job that was detrimental to physical and mental health for far too long, I'm sorry to hear you went through it as well

Thank you for the clarifications with the terminology! its been a while since i could remember them, i wonder if the "increased number of therapy sessions" is still at the same number as they had increased it due to the mental impacts of lockdowns were having on people...no idea what the number of sessions were

I see i see...i have definitely heard this before, (and experienced it myself) but after trying the one i was almost feeling too mentally worn out/ weary of trying another therapist...like the one i had was nice, a decent person who i think tried to help, but it just didn't help..and of course the costs were adding up, plus the hassle of having to revisit the gp to get a referral for a new therapist to get partially reimbursed for the mental health care plan

[Croix]

Dear MrGeorge~

Easy answer first: a Medicare Mental Health plan has 6 visits per calendar year (now back to how it was pre-Covid) with a further 4 if your doctor and clinician agree, totaling 10 per year.

Yes, it can be expensive, some people have to pay up to $200 gap fee per visit to a psychologist, though many pay less. Perhaps once you have the job and financial situation sorted out you will be in a better position to see if you need to go down this  path.

Now, employment: you seem to be looking for full time permanent in the sort of job that caused you distress at the start. True it may simply have been the environment and people were toxic in that particular organisation, however I'm wondering if your aim needs to be so fixed. As finances dictate what you do and a part time job in the good environment does not pay enough would it be possible to consider having two part time jobs? This can be awkward to set up but does have advantages.

I am with more than one organization and the change going from one to the other the next day allows me to cool down and see the problems in the first job in perspective, with the addition of distraction, so you forget more easily and do not have to brood as long.

Stuck just in the one environment -and any company will have faults - the ability to cope gets less and less.

Do you think this might be possible?

Croix