Reflection in Anticipation to Birthday

[Miraa]

Hi friends,

In a few days, It's my birthday. I'm turning twenty three. I never could have imagined that this is where I would be in life, but that's ok. I particularly had a bad week, and have been crying anticipating it. I try keep my expectations low, but the child in me deeply longs to feel special and cared for. I don't have any thoughtful friends, or friends at all at the moment. My parents put grand effort for my siblings but not for me. I feel very sad and worthless thinking about why I am not worth it for anyone.

This is not meant to be a sad ramble though. I wanted to lead up to say, last night, after crying I logged in again. I read many people's posts. We all feel alone, but I realised, in the grand scale we are all together. Often times, we think, we are the only ones suffering. But there's millions of us. I read so many extremely painful stories, that I remembered to feel grateful for the things I do have. And that I am sad, and have been through a lot but there is also worse.

This was not very eloquently worded, I have lost a lot of my words, and you will probably relate. But I hope you understood.

With love, Mira

[Croix]

Dear Miraa~

You have fortitude, a loving nature and the ability to appraise situations. Not bad attributes to have at all.

To see one's parents favor another does make one fell of less worth -it is only natural. Sometimes one has to go beyond parents and find the love and being valued in the world without them, or with less importance attached to their actions.

My parents formally disinherited me without due cause around 20. Up until then I'd though I was loved, and having no other standards, that my life was pretty unremarkable.

Then I found there could have never been any love, it was all a sham, after all who could willingly divorce themselves from their children.

Since then I've been blessed by finding two people who lavished me in love and care, and allowed me to do the same to them. When the first past way I found another -or she found be. I know my worth and it is good.

That is just three people's lives. There are so many possibilities in front of you.

Yes, I know, not much comfort at the moment, but perhaps sometimes you might reflect how a great deal can come from waht seems like nothing. and how a total stranger (or walrus) can see the value in you.

A practical tip if you don't mind. Each day find an activity you enjoy, and in the evening or at night do that. Give yourself something to look forward to and at the same time get to feel you are being rewarded which leads to feeling worthy of being rewarded (or that is what I found ).

For me it is books and movies (old ones) and pets, I don't know what it is for you - could you say?

May I wish you a very fulfilling and valued 23rd birthday

Croix

[JustAPerson2]

Happy birthday

[quirkywords]

Mira

Welcome to the forum and thanks for your comment.

I too, wish you a happy 23rd birthday. You explained yourself clearly.

I have hag a few more birthdays and I find the expectation I need to be happy and the centre of attention to be a lot of pressure.

You have far more insight into your feelings that I did at 23 . It has hard not to compare our problems to others but by acknowledging your sadness and that your issues are valid you have an understanding that will help.