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PTSD, Anxiety, Racial Profiling, Born in to poverty and all it brings, Family abuse ETC
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Being born into an enviroment where success is almost untouchable, and like a bucket of crabs your always being pulled down. I was always the black sheep it was set that way being the youngest of 15 but the only child to both parents and being made to feel like my exsistence is the reasons both families on each side broke down, in the end 33 years later i learned it wasn't my fault. I was also born with a hearing disabilty/deficiency, I was born with only 1 ear properly developed, so I've recieved alot of bullying and shame through out life, being brown skinned only made it worse back in those times alot of racisim and made to feel like I wouldn't amount to anything. I was always a child that lived in fear for different reasons and I still have that fear in life. Growing up with parents who had alcahol abuse issues and physically abused each other which trickled down to my siblings and I watched them live a hard life too. As an adult I take the lessons from all that was and happened. I've somewhat accepted what happened but I have a harder time forgiving and letting go, which now effects and triggers me in my adult life. I now have 2 kids of my own and grateful I've been able to relocate countries and give my kids a better upbringing but I cant get past anxiety, fears and triggers, I realize it when I'm in a public setting and how uncomfortable I am, and my inability to socialize and the envasive thoughts and feeling judged. Or in my relationship no matter how much my partner ensures I'm loved I have a hard time believing it I've always felt used in life for money, to do things and I still carry that mindset. I've been considering a life coach to reset the way I think and maybe implement a healthier functional positive mindset and structure, I'm not really sure where to start. Maybe just someone who can relate.
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Hi, welcome
Relate- oh yes, many people here can. Thankyou for posting.
It's so hard rising above adversity. To see your brown skin as beautiful - a permanent sun tan we white crave for and a deeper more interesting past perhaps? My wife has traced my heritage down to King Richard the 3rd and other royals but I'm sure your line is more interesting.
Forgiveness? Sometimes its ok to not endure that. It's healthy to move on and friends can become family in some ways. I've got a mother now that I adore, my birth mother is 93yo and estranged for 14 years. I'm happier for it. Guilt about moving on from people is the enemy you have to face.
https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/staying-well/guilt-the-tormentor/td-p/321604
Abuse within families is common even more so with higher stressful events and mayhem.
Triggers is interesting to me. They still catch me out occasionally. Combatting them is difficult but doable.
Re: "Or in my relationship no matter how much my partner ensures I'm loved I have a hard time believing it I've always felt used in life for money, to do things and I still carry that mindset." Perhaps if you loved yuorself you wouldnt have such a hard time believing? You are wonderful, you are unique in the world, your are sensitive and that makes you "feel" more and leads to empathy a dying quality. These are the words you can say to yourself because not many out there will say them to you.
https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/staying-well/the-best-praise-you-ll-ever-get/td-p/134999
Therapy would do wonders for you IMO, it did with me. This last thread is special to me because at 26yo (I'm 68 now) it changed my life forever.
https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/staying-well/30-minutes-can-change-your-life/td-p/154525
So, I think attending lectures, motivations speeches will help you more than anything. I'm alive today because I had to love myself. It all starts from there and trusting your judgement of other people, whether they are a good thing for you or they are a heavy weight.
Replay anytime.
TonyWK
