Postnatal Depression: 2 under 2

[Mirawith2]

Hey, I have just had baby number two a few weeks ago and am feeling like an absolute failure.

My 22 month old is acting up (biting, emptying cupboards, getting into things and breaking dvds etc) and my two week old is obviously dependent on me as a mother.

I wake up feeling stressed and I feel at my lowest at night.

I do not know how to cope with this... Just need to talk it out and hear others stories.

[Quercus]

Hi Mirawith2 and thank you for reaching out on these forums.

As a fellow Mum I relate to what you write. Nighttime is a vulnerable time because you're awake (and exhausted) and it feels like you are utterly alone. Please remember most helplines and the forums operate at all hours so if you need distraction please write.

May I ask what help you have offline? It would be a good idea to check in with your community midwife or GP to check in. Also who can you ask for practical support?

I had a newborn and a 15month old and my goodness it was absolutely horrible. I spent so long feeling useless and guilty because as one person there is only so much we can do and I felt I was failing everyone. But this was me needing help! Is there anyone you can ask to help with bub so you can spend time alone with your 22mth old? I found my son acted out wanting my attention.

Above all... How can you make sure you are cared for too? It is pretty normal to put yourself last but everyone I know who has done that (me included) burns out. A very smart woman reminds me often that if you neglect yourself how can you be able to care for others?

I'll stop there for now. I hope you feel able to keep writing and reaching out. What you are experiencing is so relatable and you are doing the best you can. Sometimes we need support and it is ok to ask for help.

Nat

[White_Rose]

Dear Mirawith2

Hello and welcome. Good to see you are looking for help and support. My first two babies were born one year apart. To be precise, one year and one week apart. It was horrendous trying to care for the baby and keep the toddler out of mischief but spending time with her. I am so pleased I am past this stage. Fortunately my second baby ate and slept well which gave me breathing space but I lost count of the times I took her to bed with me in the night and fell asleep while she fed. So tired.

Good rest and sleep is of course the answer but when do you get the chance. Baby one is probably a bit jealous having had all your attention since birth. Can you involve him/her in caring for the baby. I used to get my daughter to get a clean nappy and hold the (closed) nappy pins for me. Going back a bit in time there. No disposable nappies. I talked about how the baby was more comfortable in a clean nappy. Daughter one 'helped' me bath the baby and do these sorts of tasks. It encouraged her to be the older sister and as the girls got older than got on well together.

My mom visited me from the UK about this time so I had someone to take charge of one baby while being with the other at times. Can your husband help in this respect? Perhaps play with the older child when you feed the baby and care for both when you need a nap. I found it didn't take much to feel better but neither did it take much to be exhausted. You are doing the best you can. If you were a bad mom you would not be writing in here and worrying. I think the biggest lesson I learned was that I am not perfect and it's unrealistic to expect that.

Children are resilient and given the love and care you obviously have for them means they will grow up to be great people. Please make sure you look after yourself.

Mary