Post your story - we're here to listen

[white knight]

I've been there many times, as you have. Depressed, dejected, a lowered head, sad thoughts. You dont think you are going to recover. There's no thought or sign of recovery from a down period.

Yet an hour or a day later we rise to continue on and slowly we get better, feel our senses come back...until next time.

In reality we cannot stop that cycle. We can seek help in the traditional forms like GP, psych consultations, medications and research and non traditional means like spiritual comfort...whatever your desire.

But I'd suggest that to maximumise your chances of success, your reactions, your inner mental strength has to be tapped.

Picture you are in a well. You are looking down, hands in pockets. Others around you, your carer, spouse, professional medical persons, beyondblue community champions and members, good friends, are reaching down to you. Yet you are not seeing us.

Those without mental illness are frustrated as they dont understand why you dont take our hands automatically, but you are dwelling, suppressed and idle. You are just existing.

We have been there. We know. You dont want sympathy but we sympathise. We care.

Take your hand out of your pocket, slowly reach up and allow us to pull you out of that well.

When you reach the top, everyone will do their thing. GP's will listen, if they dont find another, psych's will analyse.. lifeline and beyondblue call line 1300 22 4636 will help and us community champions here will answer your words...just write, anonymously, without fear.

All that is needed is for your idle hand to reach up to be pulled up. Its one action that leads you to assistance, to force yourself mentally to allow...allow us in.

There is no shame in needing assistance to get through a tough time. Idle hands are not your friends. By reaching up you are putting into action a process of recovery.

Let us lift you up, post your story. We will listen. Its what we do.

Tony WK

[Pinappled]

HI Tony

Newbie and wondering HOW I POST - I cant see a link anywhere that lets me get a post underway - am I just nt seeing it? Assistance appreciated

[justskips]

My story – Am I Normal or Abnormal.

I was diagnosed with HER-2 positive breast cancer when in 2013 … I had 2 years of intensive chemotherapy. and I elected to have a double mastectomy and reconstruction, given the severity and grade of cancer. I also had 7 years of total hormone blocking treatment.
It was a hard slog.
I lost my job and moved in with my mother, as I had recently broken up with my life long partner and had nowhere else to go. She cleaned up my vomit and lifted me up to take sips of water etc.
I then decided to be my mums full time carer until she died, for 7 years. I did for her what she did for me. and what no one else would do.
After all that I had to find my way again in a hard and unforgiving world. I had been out of the workforce for between 5 – 7 years.
I have been trying to get back into the workforce. Pre-cancer I was a very successful Software Engineer and IT manager, who had never been short of work in my life.
After knock back after knock back and a million reasons why I was unemployable, I went back to university to update my skills. I’m halfway through a Post Graduate degree in Cyber Security and getting distinctions. However, I have had to do it part-time because of the unrecognised and unspoken about side effects and long-lasting effects of cancer and cancer treatment.

I still suffer extreme fatigue, illness due to a compromised immune system and grief for the loss of my old superwoman self. This is compounded by the expectations of the society around me, who do not understand and who refuse to acknowledge that side effects exist. There is an overwhelming societal voice that says to you after you’ve survived cancer, which says ‘well what’s the problem, you’ve beaten cancer. Your one of the luck ones ..get on with it..!!’
Whereas cancer specialists say ‘ you have to slow down, stop being a perfectionist and smell the roses….. REDUCE STRESS’.
Why is reducing stress SO IMPORTANT to a cancer survivor …. STRESS changes the cell structures creating an environment for cancer to thrive.
I am on Newstart allowance. I was never granted a disability allowance, because cancer is not recognised as a disability. I apply for approximate 40 jobs per month on top of my university degree, just trying to get a job and satisfy the Centrelink requirements.
I want a job, but I don’t know if I can handle a job. My fragile physical strength and susceptibility to Stress create a pressure capsule which I get trapped in.
I can’t explain this to my Centrelink provider – they have limited knowledge of cancer and the same with the average GP. Once you have exited the Cancer Specialists realm – you are tossed back into the ignorant mainstream.
I suffer from anxiety – sometimes extreme anxiety and stress, because I can’t do what people want and expect me to do. I can’t fit back into the square anymore. I get called ‘lazy’ and a ‘slob’ because I don’t and can’t do what a ‘normal’ person can do.
I am now vomiting the weekend before every Centrelink appointments because I haven’t found a job. I have had some interviews which appear to me to go well, but I am always overlooked.

I don’t have the answers to everyone questions ….????
Am I ‘Normal’ or am I ‘abnormal’…??? Do I have a mental condition.?? Or am I just a ‘victim’, like everyone says I am.
I can’t do what everyone wants me to be able to do. I’m 56 years old and a cancer survivor, but I feel like society wants me to be 25 and a super athlete.

[quirkywords]

Pineappled

welcome to the forum.

Just go to the welcome and orientation section, this thread is part of it, then on the top right hand side you will see a tab saying new thread.

I am hope that is clear , let me know if you can’t find it . this thread is part of the welcome and orientation section so if you go there you will find it. You can click on all posts and then welcome and orientation will come up, choose that and then the new thread will be o. Top right hand side.

Quirky

[Pinappled]

Thanks Quirky - Have submitted my post - APPRECIATE

[Pinappled]

Thanks so much Quirky - Have submitted my post - your assistance GENUINELY appreciated.

Cheers

[PamelaR]

Hello Justskips and welcome to the forums

Oh my, you are such a survivor Justskips. My heart goes out to you. I'm so sorry to hear what you have been living through over the past 7 years.

Finding your way to the community of caring, friendly, supportive and non judgemental people and sharing your story is good. Thank you.

You ask some very hard questions that answers are always difficult to give.

I don’t have the answers to everyone questions ….????

Am I ‘Normal’ or am I ‘abnormal’…??? Do I have a mental condition.?? Or am I just a ‘victim’, like everyone says I am.

You are very normal Justskips. The ordeal you have been through over the years is tremendous. I would say you are not a victim. To have come through - the chemotherapy, double mastectomy and reconstruction, hormone blockage, tending your mother, losing your high status job is no easy feat. I'm not a health professional but am very aware of the impact of trauma on the body. The auto immune system has taken a beating and needs time, lots of time to recover. I suspect it will never be quite what it used to be. And that's okay. The cancer is not your fault. Stress and anxiety from my experience go hand in hand. What sorts of things do you do to help reduce your stress and anxiety?

I can’t do what everyone wants me to be able to do. What is it people are wanting you to do Justskips?

Keep reaching out Justskips, if and when you want to. You're not alone.

Can I also suggest to you to start your own thread? This will help get you more support out there. I think your story will get missed in here. So if you go towards the top of the page - click on Forums It's just above the topic title of this thread. When you get to the forums page select a section that you think would best suit your needs.

Kind regards

PamelaR

[Miss_Suzi]

Deep breath,

Ok so firstly hi... And is everyone as nervous as I to post their story,

Anyway a breif chapter in my story is this:

I've suffered depression for what feels like the most part of my life with many reasons contributing, was diagnosed 10 years back with borderline personality disorder to be honest I feel like their should be sociopath added to it simply because at times I lack caring towards others and for most I don't understand 'normal human behaviour' but that's another story for another day,

For now my struggle is trying to be a new parent I have a four month old and most days I have enough trouble dealing with the outside of my bedroom walls before I panic and retreat,

So far I've put my trust into doctors and developed a mental health plan stuck to it now I've come to the end of help that I could receive and have found nothing is any better,

I'm still left feeling the same way before any of the help and don't know what else to do.

As a parent I feel incapable

I don't seem to have what others do when they see babies, to me people turn into mush brain idiots, and it makes me feel stupid trying to copy them trying to interact with my child. Some days I don't interact with them at all.

Most days I'm better off closing myself off from the word and I believe my child would be better off without me.

This of course is the depression talking I've done enough self help groups to notice this, I'm finding the big problem is their is so much information on recognising the signs and problematic behaviours but not enough of what's really needed help for those suffering,

Everything I've been through their has been no solutions or tips to gain controll over my life to overcome the depression and negative thoughs, and to think I went strait to my gp when I noticed the first signs because I wanted better for myself and my child.

Instead I've received no help from a few different "help places" four months latter and I'm considering so many ideas none of them good,

So if anyone can provide any help on what I can do please do because I'm out of ideas.