Person in Progress 🚧

[DifferentMe]

👋🏼 Forumites - Shoutout those that recreated themselves.

Identity Loss and Self-Differentiation is what brings me to the forum.  As a result of 13 years of Narcissistic Abuse, I have lost my sense of self and self-worth. But I get to recreate myself.

I’m looking forward to reading your journey of self discovery.

All advice gratefully appreciated ♻️

[therising]

Hi DifferentMe

First, I must say I love the title of your thread. That's definitely what we are, a person in progress. Whether it's progress at a snail's pace or there's a sudden high speed graduation to a higher level of self understanding (through some mind altering revelation), we're always in a state of progress unless we're standing still or twisting in the wind with no sense of direction, which can become depressing.

I think it's a shame at times that we can't see progress or a massive achievement through anything other than hindsight. I hope you can see all the paperwork you've been doing as a massive achievement. What makes it even more significant is if you're doing most or all of it yourself. If no one's in that tunnel with you, shedding light on a lot of that paperwork, making it easier, and if no one's shedding light on all the feelings you're experiencing while making your way through it then that is a great achievement in a place where no one's shedding a lot of light. If you can imagine turning that long dark tunnel on its side, now it looks like a well. So, you could say you've been raising yourself, graduating bit by bit up through that well or depression. When I hear people say 'There's light at the end of the tunnel', I tend to see the light at the top, even if it only appears as a pin prick of light at times. Btw, rock bottom is a brutal place to be, when not even a pin prick of light is visible.

As a sensitive 53yo gal, I tend to seriously scratch my head at times when it comes to dealing with insensitive people. Kinda like 'Can you not feel what you just said to me?' or 'Can you not feel yourself leaving me alone to work out what's depressing me?'. Just a couple of many examples. With that deep well or depression, don't you just love it when people shout down to you helpful advice like 'YOU JUST NEED TO TOUGHEN UP AND STOP BEING SO SENSITIVE!!!' 🤔😡 What the?! My theory is if I come to my senses more, as a sensitive person or someone who can sense, I should technically become a master at sensing. 'Toughening up' is not going to help me, it's just going to desensitise me. If I wasn't so sensitive, I wouldn't be able to feel who's depressing and who's not, who's inspiring and who's not, what is truly soulful and what is not. It's not our fault we can feel. Our ability to feel is something to be proud of. Why would we not feel proud of something that so super natural or perfectly natural?

[DifferentMe]

Hello 👋🏼 therising. I am very pleased to meet you.

You describe the tunnel incredibly well.

Rising at a snail’s pace is ok because it was 13 years of narcissistic abuse that got me to this point.

He literally abandoned me on the opposite side of the country and disposed of all my belongings except for my car. 
He needed my car until he started his new job. Because the idiot didn’t think he would in trouble when he told management that he and the woman he was having a workplace affair with were moving in together a month after he ended his relationship with me.

Sorry that all just rushed out.

My point is it took years of abuse. Wouldn’t a fast recovery ❤️‍🩹 🧠 be suspicious?

I was completely empty for 15 months. Didn’t trust my own judgement. Couldn’t tell you what my skills were. I couldn’t tell you what I was good at.

Didn’t sleep for days at a time.

I sleep now. Almost every night.

therising, your name the rising - it’s very cool 😎 

I live in Perth. I’m a 60 woman with a Humanities degree. I don’t fit into my demographic.

What sort of rising is your rising in reference too. 
I don’t mind the occasional proletariat up-rising 🚩😊

I really appreciate your insight, support and time.

I hope you respond to my post.

with gratitude DM

[therising]

Hi DifferentMe

I have visions of you climbing a mountain and planting your flag with a roar of achievement. I imagine there were times along the way where you may have stopped and thought 'I'm not sure how to keep going. This is just too challenging'. Some challenges can be exhausting and overwhelming. It's amazing how some of our greatest achievements can feel so depressing along the way. Such achievements are something to be proud of.

My chosen name refers to the rising process up, through and out of depression. With that well I mention, everyone's well is different when it comes to what led them into it, what it looks like and what keeps them there. It's also different in regard to whether someone's gone in gradually, without realising or whether they've suddenly gone in at breakneck speed, due to sudden trauma for example. Typically, there is only one way to get out alive and that is to be raised out. Whether we do it our self or we find the people who can help bring us out, the fact is we can't stay in there without it eventually destroying us.

In the case of seriously depressing chemical deficiencies, a doctor or specialist can help us out with the chemistry we need. In the case of the belief systems we take on, we can be gradually raised through eliminating certain depressing beliefs while finding new ones to rise through. Through bringing to life new facets of our self (that have perhaps lay dormant our whole life), we can be raised with the help of those facets. We can be raised through the education that can come with greater understanding in regard to how we naturally work. What raises us can entail a long list, just as what depresses us can involve a long list.

My brother actually encouraged me to study humanities, a challenge I never took on (not yet anyway). I know I would find it fascinating, as I tend to find human nature incredibly fascinating. With many facets to us, the wonderer in me often leads me to wonder about the behaviour and nature of people. I can't help but wonder, sometimes to the point of distraction. Occasionally, it can be dinner time when I suddenly announce to my family 'Microwave meals tonight' because I've been wondering through my laptop so much to the point where I haven't cooked a single thing. I imagine you to be a wonderful person, full of a sense of wonder.

[DifferentMe]

Therising you really know your stuff.

Reading what you have to say is a welcome relief.

The amount of people that give unsolicited advice and cannot understand why I can’t do a quick fix is astounding.

A person who fancied themselves as a life coach targeted me on a Facebook Local Jobs page. Bullied me until I blocked them. Left that page and left FB.

I hate social media. I don’t even watch the news. It all just perpetuates human misery.

You said that you have a family and clearly you enjoy research.

Curiosity. I have an over active curiosity gland.

Book you will enjoy:

Guns, Germs and Steel by Jarred Diamond.

I’m going to reread your post a few times. I want to sit with what you said for a while.

I really like the way you describe things and you are logical.

People that are too woowoo put me off.

DM