Owed to Solitude

[amd1953]

I owe a lot to my current situation in life.   In fact, it's probably as close to heaven on earth that I will ever get.   I've served my apprenticeship in the School of Hard Knocks.   It was actually a life sentence with no time off for good behaviour.   I think it was Mr. W. Shakespeare who said "All the world's a stage".   And that is precisely what we are - actors on a stage.   Some of us play our parts really well and fool the audience into actually believing what we say we are.   Then there are those who find it impossible to be anything other than what they are.   Not good actors at all.   That's where I make my entrance.   But I don't play to the audience any more because it is a complete and utter waste of time and effort.   Now that I have settled into retirement, I can stop the acting and the pretence and be whatever I choose to be.   It's a great pity that we have to spend the greater part of our lives playing to an audience.   Some people get away with turning their backs on the bright lights and sink into blissful anonymity.   This is what I am trying to do now so that I can gather a little happiness around me before I drop off the perch.   When I think back, I seem to have spent so much time trying to keep everyone else happy and giving in to do things when I don't want to.   I never had the nerve to say no so I guess I was a real pushover.   I think it's time to turn the page on the script and write my own dialogue for a change.   Or is that asking too much?   I'm not really sure myself.   Maybe I am expecting too much.   Shame on me eh?   But there will come a time when I run out of choices and that will be the end of it.   The curtain comes down on another production.   I only hope it doesn't come too soon.   If we do what we want to when we want to do it, we are called selfish.   I have nothing left to give.   It's all gone.   The audience have gone home and the stage is a dusty platform waiting for the next deception.   Sorry, production.

[therising]

Hi amd1953

Ahh, the people who test us. Aren't they a fascinating and triggering bunch. I believe they test our commitment to what we imagine, what we come to believe in and so much more. It's kind of like them coming along and saying in one way or another 

• Either you simply imagine what you do or you are committed to what you imagine
• Either you simply believe in what you do or you are committed to your beliefs
• Either you have a simple sense of faith or you are fully committed to what you have developed or are developing faith in

While I find myself greatly tested by some of those around me at the moment, I've been surprised by how easily I can feel a sense of self doubt. So, back to the drawing board when it comes to ways of developing greater commitment. We can either back down from such a test in self development and commitment or we can rise up to meet the challenge. Down or up, the choice is ultimately ours. I should add that I've definitely made progress over the years and are far less full of self doubt, yet ounces of it still remain at times. The complete elimination of self doubt can be a deeply soulful test at times, not just a mental test.

When self doubt is eliminated, the most amazing thing happens. We come to proclaim 'So, this is who I really am and I know it to be so, based on my love and commitment toward what I imagine, what I believe in and what I have faith in'.

[amd1953]

Hello therising,

I have more to be happy about now than I have ever experienced before.   I call it a complete surrender to ignoring responsibility and obligation.   After all of these years of experience and sacrifice, there really was nothing to worry about after all.   Even when I broke every rule in the book and committed every heinous mistake that social commentators and observers could home in on for condemnation.   I have emerged from it all smelling of roses and honeysuckle.   There is absolutely nothing left to apologise for because there is nothing that important that still requires me to bow down to anyone at all.   During the first two thirds of my life, I was surrounded by people planning my eventual downfall and inevitable demise.   And, if not that, control and subjugation into a meaningless, mindless robotic servant programmed to obey every command.   No more, I am happy to say.   This is my time now I fully intend to capitalise on my escape from the human race.   The lifelong race to be human and to become an achiever in every way possible.   I have never wanted to be anything other than what I am and now I know exactly what that is.   Knowledge is power, especially when it comes to the self.

The soul of the individual is indivisible within the individuation process.   A play on words, certainly, but made all the more potent and important by appreciating the limits and boundaries of what I am.   I am not an infinite source of anything except my own consciousness.   Nothing else matters except realising that I should have been alone, acted alone and remained alone for my natural lifetime.   The only regret I have is not discovering the key to the door sooner.   Shame on me for being neglectful!   I enacted the worst thing that I could have done and that was to attempt to be something that I was not, simply to feel a part of a disparate selfless self.   Arcadia never felt as close until now.   A paradise within a garden of Eden.   The Lost City of Atlantis.   The ultimate sacrifice of abandoning this process of illusion and wiping away any semblance of loss or defeat.   In the end of everything, we can be triumphant winners as well as gracious losers.   Even if I departed this life tomorrow, I would consider myself lucky enough to realise that it is all an illusion, and the fact that I have had a few years of peace and quiet would be finding a crock of gold at the end of the rainbow.   Gold in the sense of the transformation of the base metal into the most precious element on the planet!

amd1953

[Emotions26]

I now believe that there are no boundaries and limits of who we are other than the ones that we place upon ourselves. Society teaches us to be that way. Add the dark people who cross our paths and take from us what is not theirs. 

It has taken me a lifetime to come to terms with the fact that I am me and not one single being on this earth can or has the right to judge me.   I am me.  Those who do not like that and there are many who are in shock!  can just move aside and live their own lives.  I do not need them in mine.

You are you amd1953. You are my friend with whom I have shared my truths and you yours. That is something special. That is true friendship. We do not judge each other.  You are so courageous the way that you write about your true feelings even though you are not feeling that way at the moment.  I have been here many a time.  Conditioned by those who have not accepted us for who we are and tried to bend us to how they want us to be.  We are strong to be where we are now as we have survived their controlling needs and whatever other darkness that they possess.  We can set our own boundaries within our minds and no longer let them in.  Keep on moving the boundary each time a thought might slip through.  Takes time but does bring so much relief and strong sense of self arises within.

Now is the time for you to accept that you are a person within your own right and no longer need to look behind you. Moving forwards only will help you find the strengths and beauty you have within your soul. They are there. Just read back over the last 43 pages of your words and those who have responded.

This is not about gold or anything material within this world. This, I know that deep down you already know.

Believe in you. 

Practise.  I do. You will find that you breathe differently. You sense a different self.

No text books just trust in you.

Incredible I have been at a loss for words to write to you as I have been dealing with so much that life is consistently throwing up at me and now I just write. I land on here today!

There is no further loss for you only gain. You have support here.

So you have found the most precious element on the planet!  Hold onto that and move forward as amd.

Everyone else and everything else before has happened.

Write about what you feel when you start a new piece of writing that inspires you. I know that is not just a figment of imagination.

A jay taps on your window a lost friend will soon return. Seek some berries in your garden as jays love them. 

I have also sent you a kingfisher representing promise.

You have much yet to come.   Trust me.

Ems    elevating meaningful senses

[therising]

Hi amd and Ems

When consciousness expands, it is a beautiful and magical thing. With each revelation that comes to us, we expand a little more as we break through the boundaries that once limited us. Why wait an entire year for a cake and candle, to make our wish. Make a wish every day, 'I wish to become more conscious of ______'. And there we are, thanks to either intuitive answers that naturally come to us (through that wish/invite) or a bit of online research, we are born again and again through greater consciousness. I have to say, greater consciousness becomes addictive. Of course while the highly emotional and tough times that can lead us to greater consciousness can feel torturous, the gift at the end can far outweigh the suffering.

Two or more people sharing greater consciousness is definitely a fast tracker. While my sister and I were discussing just yesterday how certain people we know can lead us to to mental and emotional turmoil, she was struck by greater consciousness. Like a bolt of lightening, it suddenly charged her with enlightenment. She shared 'What all these people have in common is...they do not know us on any deep level. If they did, they would not treat us the way they do'. So true. We have no issues with all those around us who know us well. In fact we thrive on the relationships we have with those who know us well or seek to know us well.

To those who refuse to come to know us on any deep level, we could say them 'Don't make your refusal to truly know me my problem. Don't make your ignorance (completely ignoring who I truly am) my problem. Don't make your lack of consciousness my problem'. When the choice is between refusing, ignoring and remaining asleep vs accepting, acknowledging and waking up, I would much rather wake up. In waking up, there is a sense of liberation. I prefer to live outside the square, a prison of limitation, than inside of it. Outside of it, we can meet the most amazing and inspiring people, including those who sharing a longing for and a love of greater consciousness. ❤️

[amd1953]

Saluti Ems,

Wonderful to hear from you again.   Absolutely, I would encourage anyone and everyone to keep an open mind on anything and everything.   With every open mind there is the chance that we might see the world in a different light.   I have always tried to keep life as simple as possible and that has proven to be my undoing.   The less complicated something is, the easier it is to make it better than it is.   How we perceive the world is purely through the chemistry of the mind.   We search for patterns in life everywhere because it makes it easier to cope with reality.   If we already have the essence of something, then that truth becomes part of the mind.   As Chrsitopher Hitchens once said, it's not what we think but how we think that matters.   Consciousness is everything for the human psyche.   I should have asked more questions when I was a child instead of accepting and accommodating what was being carefully spoon-fed to me.   It is one of the greatest regrets of my life and I have many of those.   Dare to open the mind to the universe without and within.   Rewire the mind to not only what is but also could be!   It is never too late to escape the maze of mundanity and routine.   Liberate the mind and the soul will follow.   I never judge a book by its cover and that applies to people as well.   Is it the mystery in the novel or the novel in the mystery?   Who can tell?   The human condition can be said to include everything from birth to death.   Anything that can be experienced and believed is a universal truth.   What might have been acceptable yesterday may not always be fit for purpose tomorrow.   Today is a fine blend of what has been and what could be.   Not many people are willing to discuss such matters in the normal course of events because I think that we are not willing to share our innermost thoughts in public.   Reading back over what I have just written should be taken with a pinch of salt and attributed to a sleepy enquiring mind.

Another Moral Dimension 1953

[amd1953]

Hello therising,

I think we should all be trying to expand our own universal consciousness.   An open and critical mind allows us to process reality across a broader spectrum.   I believe that we are all blinded by traditional values of judgemental regret.   Once a word is uttered, it is like throwing a pebble into a lake.   The ripples spread outwards through a pattern of intent and the meaning either loses or gains intensity as it travels in a wider pattern.   I have never been able to understand anyone who expresses boredom with whatever it is they have or do not have.   To practice a kind of minimalism of the mind is to clear out that which is not wanted or has outlived its usefulness.   Old beliefs and modern understanding collide when consciousness assumes its rightful place.   As I said to Ems, never judge a book by its cover because it denies us the opportunity to embrace what we do not know or understand.  Consciousness certainly involves a true awakening of the mind but with a critical and focused state of awareness.   A blinkered horse can only see ahead and thus its peripheral vision is denied.   Dreams are fantasies of the mind and reality is a jealous mistress of consciousness.   When we awake from a dream, we may remember it vividly or not at all.   How can we tell when we are awake or dreaming?   Jung said that our dreams are a manifestation of the subconscious mind.   I sometimes know that I have experienced a dream, but I do not understand its context.   I see people and places that are a rich combination of truth and fiction.   The people exist but the places and events may be fictitious.   How does it all fit into the realm of being human?   What does it tell us about ourselves?   So many questions, so little time to resolve their mysteries.

amd1953

[therising]

Hi amd

You are such a wonderful person, so jam packed with a sense of wonder. So inspirational, inspiring others to wonder.

Sometimes I wish there was a different word for 'spiritual' or 'spirituality', for the second we use such words we can be condemned for not being logical or 'normal' or for being too 'woo woo'. I don't have a problem with the 'S' word myself, what I do find disappointing though is how it can tend to instantly close an open mind. For example (as I may have mentioned in the past), you could say to someone 'Science and technology can point to an energetic field around living things. The energy emitted from a person, animal or other living thing can actually be observed and measured through certain scans'. To this, they may say 'That's amazing. It's a miracle. Technology these days is incredible'. The second you say 'Some people have the the gift or ability to naturally see the auric field', BAMM, their mind shuts like a steel trap. An open minded person would be inclined to ask 'How is it possible for us to see this energetic field naturally? What part of the brain needs to be switched on in order for us to observe energy in such a way?'. I praise certain scientists who are open minded enough to explore the possibility. As we speak, there'll be some scientist/s out there trying to discover how it's scientifically possible. 

I suppose we could say that science deals with the science of nature and spirituality deals with the nature of nature. Sometimes the 2 overlap. While there are many benefits to science defining so much, sometimes it can take away from the simplicity of life. While I credit blood tests and chemistry getting to the bottom of one of my periods in depression (a depressing lack of B12), it has failed to measure other reasons for my periods in depression in the past, more soulful or natural reasons. While science may say 'You have a depressing lack of dopamine', why could it not simply be a soul destroying lack of inspiration that causes a drop in dopamine levels? Science has made everything so technical. I love Einstein's take on science and nature, 'The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift'. We have the gift of being intuitive, curious, open minded and imaginative. We began life with these gifts. They are still there, yet lie quietly waiting to be fueled by inspiration🔥

One of the greatest forms of inspiration is a sense of wonder.

[TrueSeeker]

Hello

I find your discussion very interesting. I once came across Ten Bulls or Oxhearding. It describes how we cycle through our learning stages from confusion to realisation and then back to confusion. It seems that there is
no end to it but I think that with each cycle we understand more and more. I believe that there's always something new to learn, it never ends.

[amd1953]

Hello therising,

Now you have me blushing!   I would like to think that we are all full of wonder, if we take the time to meditate on the finer things of life.   Keeping an open mind is the key to discovery.   Refusing to succumb to the banalities of the daily grind allows us to investigate the fantastic.   I would much rather stroll down a deserted country lane than a dirty, crowded city street.   When I think of all the time I have wasted in the past, chasing all of the wrong things in the hope of my life working out for me.   I thought that everything would fall into place as I progressed along the road to wherever it is that we are all going.   All I can do now is look back on my own mistakes as lessons learned.   I cannot blame anyone else because it was all my own doing.   However, it is never too late to become versed in the right things.   I have read that there are many people who dread the retirement phase of life because they have no idea what to do with all their spare time.   I regard this time as a gift from heaven because we have been relieved of the demand by society to prove our worth or live under a bridge.   I am finding that I could not have hoped for a better, more productive and peaceful time of life than I experience now.   Time to read and write to my heart's content.   This is as good as it gets for me, anyway.   Time to catch up on those mind-expanding subjects that I never had time to follow up before.   Questions that now get answered and mysteries revealed.   What an exciting and wonderful time of life this is for those of us who choose to rise above everything else and enjoy the time that we have left on this earth.   Of course, there will be roadblocks and obstacles in our path.   There always is.   But if we go softly, softly, catchy monkey, we stand a better chance of achieving our goals.   Consult the seven stages of alchemical transformation.   It is full of eastern promise.   For inspiration, I have changed my profile picture to one of Pessoa.   An imaginative soul by divine intervention.

amd1953

[amd1953]

Hello TrueSeeker,

Now that is a name that I would like to have myself.   Welcome to our little circle.   I agree with you that knowledge lies at the heart of everything and that there are continuous cycles of perception.   In the beginning is the confusion but hopefully, it will lead to the realisation of all that we need to know and a clearer vision of those learning stages.

amd1953