Owed to Solitude

[amd1953]

I owe a lot to my current situation in life.   In fact, it's probably as close to heaven on earth that I will ever get.   I've served my apprenticeship in the School of Hard Knocks.   It was actually a life sentence with no time off for good behaviour.   I think it was Mr. W. Shakespeare who said "All the world's a stage".   And that is precisely what we are - actors on a stage.   Some of us play our parts really well and fool the audience into actually believing what we say we are.   Then there are those who find it impossible to be anything other than what they are.   Not good actors at all.   That's where I make my entrance.   But I don't play to the audience any more because it is a complete and utter waste of time and effort.   Now that I have settled into retirement, I can stop the acting and the pretence and be whatever I choose to be.   It's a great pity that we have to spend the greater part of our lives playing to an audience.   Some people get away with turning their backs on the bright lights and sink into blissful anonymity.   This is what I am trying to do now so that I can gather a little happiness around me before I drop off the perch.   When I think back, I seem to have spent so much time trying to keep everyone else happy and giving in to do things when I don't want to.   I never had the nerve to say no so I guess I was a real pushover.   I think it's time to turn the page on the script and write my own dialogue for a change.   Or is that asking too much?   I'm not really sure myself.   Maybe I am expecting too much.   Shame on me eh?   But there will come a time when I run out of choices and that will be the end of it.   The curtain comes down on another production.   I only hope it doesn't come too soon.   If we do what we want to when we want to do it, we are called selfish.   I have nothing left to give.   It's all gone.   The audience have gone home and the stage is a dusty platform waiting for the next deception.   Sorry, production.

[therising]

Hi amd1953

I can relate to the autobiography factor. Mine would be nothing more than a dust collector on shelves 😁. Mind you, many an autobiography is a compilation of the most outstanding moments in a person's life. We still have them, filed in our mind, not within the front and back covers of a book.

There is definitely something magical or transformative about solitude. While it can (under certain circumstances) become depressing, it can also offer so many truly positive and liberating revelations. Such revelations help eliminate depressing factors. I've found it all takes time, coming to gradually know ourself in liberating ways. While I've spent the last 2 months at my mother's house, with the 1st half caring for her and the 2nd half house sitting while she's in hospital, in solitude the revelations have come thick and fast

• 'Oh, my gosh, this is what an ongoing sense of peace feels like' (outside of occasional moments of inner turmoil)
• 'This is what being largely self serving feels like. I deserve to be served and who better to do it than she/he who is in the process of coming to truly love themself?'. While serving others offers others relief, joy and a sense of stability or direction (amongst other things), always serving others can come to generate a sense of stress, instability and it can leave us feeling so lost as we lose our own sense of direction
• 'Oh, wow, this is what a lack of dread feels like. There is no one to call my name before challenging me in one way or another'
• 'This is what being my most authentic self feels like. While not in the presence of others, I get to be 100% me, while not having to live up to other people's expectations'

and the list continues.

When last I was so self serving, way back in my younger years, I largely served the ego. With a lack of wisdom and experience in life, such a thing is understandable. This time it's different. This time it feels like I'm serving my soul and it is thriving, beyond all expectation. So, I get where you're coming from. It's a matter of 'I did not know myself terribly well, until now'. Perhaps the greatest revelation of all, 'I accept who I naturally am'. Two of the greatest gifts solitude can offer are a soulful level of self acceptance and self love.

[amd1953]

Hello therising,

If personal happiness is behind the true meaning of life, then I have succeeded beyond my wildest dreams.   If life is about something else, then I would like to hear the argument that there is nothing better than promoting your own well-being.   It is obviously very wise to take care of yourself if you have a family or a loved-one who depends on you to support them in some way.   However, after a lifetime of making sure that everyone else was OK, I found that there was nothing left in the pantry for me.   The shelves were bare, not even a crumb remained.

Since 2018, I have been in the retirement phase of my life.   All of my immediate family have gone, and my two matrimonial encounters are just dust in the wind.   So, all I have to do now is take care of number one.   I have to take responsibility for my own physical and mental well-being.   So far, I have done just fine.   Of course, in the past, there have been periods of time that I have been alone.   When I was a child, I thrived on my own company.

Although, I did not make any lasting friends at school, I did learn the important lessons of amusing myself.   I just accepted that this was how it was supposed to be for me.   I was hopeful that when I became an adult, everything would be different.   It was not.   I found adult life just as meaningless and confusing as childhood.   Now, I am 72 years of age in 2025, and I can look back and see where I went wrong.   The first mistake was believing all of the nonsense that was pumped into me during the first decade and a half of my life.   I blindly accepted everything, and I diligently obeyed everyone else.   I was convinced that I was good for nothing and not worthy of anyone.   The bullying only cemented that in place.   The second mistake was not knowing how to effectively defend myself from anyone who wanted to take a potshot at me.   I have read that if you don't deal with bullying at the time it is happening, you are more likely to suffer similar treatment as an adult.   There is no one waiting in the wings to jump to your defence at any time of the day or night ready to save you from the baddies.   The answer lies in your own mind.

People have to be trained how to protect themselves as soon as possible because life is not that forgiving in reality.

amd1953

[therising]

Hi amd1953

Beliefs are definitely strange things. We can be completely convinced they're real, until we find out otherwise. And, yes, it all begins the second we are capable of believing. We believe this is our name because that's what everyone calls us. This is our religion (with many of its belief systems) because this is the community we're a part of. This is our age because another year marks it on the calendar. The list goes on, the list of all the things that make up our identity or how we identify ourself. The truth is strange. The truth is without a name we are simply us, without a religion we are perhaps simply a soulful being in a sense searching for deeper meaning, without an age (with time being a human construct) we are simply here in some unmeasured sense. We are not judged, graded or degraded through our name, spiritual belief system or age etc. Without such ingrained and solidified such imaginings, who are we really?

I once heard it said 'The greatest gift you are given is the gift of imagination, so use it wisely'. What if we imagined (not believed, just imagined) sensitivity is a superpower. Imagine the power of being able to sense who is depressing and who is inspiring, who is enraging and who offers a sense of peace, who or what is empowering and who or what is degrading and the list goes on. Imagine being taught to wield a sword of wit and being able to sense exactly when to use that sword against those who mentally and emotionally destructive and need cutting down to size, so as not to overwhelm us. Imagine being able to sense and work a volume dial, when it comes to how much emotion we need to feel or not feel at times. Imagine sensitivity or the ability to sense is not about 'toughening up' but about an incredible level of mastery instead, where being able to sense the guiding voice of reason and intuition comes to serve. One of the worst belief systems, in my opinion, involves sensitivity being our 'fault', as opposed to relating to our ability. With us being led to believe it's a fault, we can be filled with self doubt, self resentment, a sense of weakness and so much more of the things that can come to destroy us. Some beliefs or imagined things (put into our head by others) can be seriously messed up, that's for sure.

[amd1953]

Hello therising,

The power of the imagination gives us the motivation to elevate ourselves beyond the routine, the mundane and the ordinary.   It is almost like going to the cinema and watching a movie unfold before your eyes.   You emerge from the darkened theatre into the cold of the winter's night and are so uplifted that you feel as though you could achieve anything you put your mind to.   The whole world seems friendlier and a better place to live in than before.

Inspiration such as this is probably quite rare but I have experienced it many times when I was a child.   You feel as though you have wings on your feet.   What a pity that it doesn't last!   Reality has a habit of bursting our bubble and dragging us back to earth.   Sometimes, I like to pretend that I am an eagle in one of the South American mountain ranges.   I am high up on some remote ledge and as I spread my wings, I can feel the thermals lift me off the ground and allow me to glide effortlessly around the deep blue sky.   I don't even have to flap my wings.   Awesome!   How we tease ourselves with such flights of fancy.   Only gravity defies our aerobatics.

As it is we find ourselves tethered, physically and emotionally, to life itself.   But at least we know that there is always something better to aspire to than human frailty.   To dream of such an escape is to place yourself in the hands of the divine.   I believe that it falls under the "metaphysical speculation" category.   Even dreams, which are purely subconscious, can provide flashes of brilliance.   Just enough to recharge the batteries and convince that there is something else to believe in and live for.

amd1953

[therising]

Hi amd1953

How I wish we knew exactly how the imagination worked. How incredible it would be to be a master of it, instead of us letting it carry us away at times (into drama, fear, a sense of hopelessness etc). And how I wish our parents and those before them knew how it worked, so that they could pass on such incredible knowledge. Instead of being told, as a young kid 'You need to stop daydreaming so much', we could have perhaps been instructed 'There is a time and place for such meditation. Now is the time to exercise focus, with reality requiring your attention'. When to meditate/daydream/imagine and when not to creates a healthy balance.

Two of the greatest meditators/daydreamers/imagineers/seers, in my opinion, would have to be Albert Einstein and Nikola Tesla. The things they could see through their imagination were incredible. Bringing what they saw back into reality and putting those visions and theories to the test required a great sense of balance. Vision and action. Without action, there is only vision and little to no work achieved as a result. I admit to lacking such balance (a lack of commitment to the action/work needed in order to bring what I imagine into reality). 

A flying meditation, I love that idea. I've never considered it before and must try it. While I do like to occasionally develop a bird's eye view of my life, picturing myself above the landscape that is my life, all I really try to do with that meditation is gain a sense of where I am in that landscape. Can I see myself stuck in some kind of valley? Am I in the midst of a forest, with little sense of direction or light/much needed enlightenment? Where am I? I should simply go for a glide on occasion, feeling myself soaring. What a brilliant and liberating meditation. Thank you for opening my mind to consider what I have never considered before.🦅🙂

Metaphysical study is fuel for a wonderful or wonder filled person. With so much to imagine and wonder about as a possibility, again I find it's about balance. What things to imagine are worth imagining and which will I put down to 'Letting others imagine, if that's what works for them'. If there is no harm done through what we imagine, then technically it's all harmless and sometimes just downright inspiring.

[amd1953]

Hello therising,

Please be careful what you wish for.   Pandora's Box lies waiting with its little surprises.   Although I have an enquiring mind, some things are better left untouched and therein allowed to retain their primal magic. 🙂

Dreams on the other hand deserve much more attention.   I have them all the time and I am sure they mean something beyond the realm of reality.   

Everyone who knows how to read has it in their power to magnify themselves, to multiply the ways in which they exist, to make their life full, significant, and interesting. (Aldous Huxley).

What more can I say?   There is the Holy Grail of literary device.   We all have it within us to become the Phoenix rising from the ashes of our own demise.   No one is coming to our rescue.   We have to do it alone and it is all done through the purity of the alchemical flame.   I like it!   As Jung said, individuation is achieved through a series of interconnected processes of transformation.   From the base metal, the gold is formed.   Not suddenly or immediately but through consistency and concentration of thought and desire.   So, look to the seven stages of spiritual alchemy.   From calcination to coagulation.   Even Sir Isaac Newton kept a fire burning in his laboratory at all times of the day and night.   Beyond physics and beyond the physical world of reality.   Anything is possible and we fill in the gaps of reality with a good dose of imagination.

amd1953

[therising]

Hi amd1953

There is definitely a dark side to curiosity. 'Do I really want to open that box?' or 'Do I really want to explore that section of the rabbit hole?' are good questions to ask at times. I am also fascinated by dreams. While some feel like nonsense, scraps of useless information being sorted into the 'recycle bin' overnight (by that computer up there in our head), others definitely feel telling. There can be an element of amusement when trying to interpret what can seem rather cryptic, a dream that holds a revelation.

I am a passionate lover of books. What began as a desperate search for a sense of ease, while purchasing one self help book after another when I was younger, has become a whole different experience. I see just about every book as a self help or 'Help yourself to something you never knew before' book. Between the covers is a feast of information. For me, a book store is an exciting buffet. I am terrible though, in a sense. I can start feasting on one book when another catches my eye. I have a library of books at home where there are scraps from many books that I'm yet to devour. I smile when I consider how in the world of readers I can be looked at as being somewhat of a sinner by some 😁. I've come across readers of novels who are shocked or horrified that I don't read novels. The compulsion to know how things work (including we humans) is more so what fascinates me. From the sciences through to non scientific views, it's all very exciting. I also find some of it rather amusing on occasion. It's like how you could read a book relating to quantum physics, which can go into great detail regarding energetic expression or signatures of all living creatures (including humans). The same book can reveal incredible breakthroughs offered by the latest state of the art technology. Such technology can offer actual imagery of energy fields around living creatures. It's kinda like scientists saying 'Yay, we can now actually see energy fields. It's no longer a theory, they actually exist!'. Pick up a different book, one of the 'woo woo' books 😊 and it can speak of the brain's ability to naturally perceive energy fields (aka 'auras'). The human brain is a truly fascinating thing, filled with more abilities than we can possibly imagine.

'The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift' - Albert Einstein

[amd1953]

Hello therising,

Imagine, if you can, having everything you ever dreamed of and then standing back to watch it all evaporate before your eyes as though it meant absolutely nothing and the world was watching your every move and laughing in your face.   Not a very pleasant picture but it probably happens every day, all over the world.   Life is played out in ridiculous and absurd scenarios.   Fragments of people's lives dismissed in the blink of an eye and the truth of it all, is swept under the carpet and forgotten in time.   It still exists, for sure, but for an unmeasured time, the truth is successfully hidden from view and forgotten like an unwanted birthday or Christmas present.

The shame of it all is that you will never be able to have that truth aired in public because nobody else in the world cares one fig for what you had and what you lost.   It is like someone going on a world cruise and then trying to show someone their holiday snaps when they don't give a royal razoo.   It means nothing to anyone what each and every one of us suffers during our lifetime.   Nobody cares unless it directly affects their life and who would want to put people through that?   So we shrink away to our favourite little retreat and suffer in silence, lick our wounds and pray that none of it ever happens again.   In the meantime, the world has shrugged off our little diversions and is now chasing after some other entertainment to feast on like a banquet at MacDonalds.   No one rushes to our rescue.   No one shares our tears or shame.   Nobody cares at all because we are all wound up with our daily battles.   Life is a slippery slide for the unwary or unprepared.   Nobody warns us of the traps and pitfalls of life.   They excuse themselves by telling us that we have to learn our lessons the hardest way possible and carry on their own way.   What exactly does it all mean?   Absolutely nothing at all.

amd1953

[therising]

Hi amd1953

I like how different philosophies can offer a variety of views on how and why things play out in the ways they do, such as why our suffering can be felt by many or not felt at all by those around us. 

As I've mentioned to a few people recently, I cannot help but return occasionally to Buddhist philosophy and teachings. Of course, it is just one view or way of seeing things but an interesting way nonetheless. With the idea being that everything in the cosmos is one body experiencing itself in different ways, the most sensitive of people will feel the impact of what they are a part of. I suppose this would be the equivalent of being able to sense or feel the dis-ease or ease of a single cell in the whole of our human body. So if you (as one cell amongst billions) experience great unease or great ease, if I am sensitive enough the I should be able to feel that. We are a part of the same body, the cosmos as a whole. In Buddhist teachings, to do no harm to anything or anyone means doing no harm to our self. To be made conscious of a single cell and help that cell or person heal means we are helping a part of our cosmic body or ourself heal. It is a beautiful way of seeing things. The greatest problem is perhaps a lack of consciousness.

[amd1953]

Hello therising,

Certainly, having an open and inquiring mind are the tools of discovery.   Not everyone has a deep-rooted passion for learning and knowledge and one of the major roadblocks in making progress in this world is dealing with those with an equally vigorous penchant for the wrecking-ball approach.   If it is something new or different, people either ignore or destroy it.   Deep thinkers have always been ripe targets for mocking and humiliation.   If I had known sooner, what I have learned over the last few years, I could have solved all of my own problems with time to spare.   Some of us have been indoctrinated with the idea of the herd mentality rather than the imagination of the individual.   If we do, say or think something that deviates from the norm, we are quickly hauled back into line unless we dig our heels in and continue tilting at windmills like Don Quixote.   It doesn't take a genius to understand the logic or the intent in being master of your own destiny.   It is far too late for me but for younger minds the true calling is to fight for what we believe in.   Philosophers such as Schopenhauer and Nietzsche pursued their own line of thought and paid the price in their own way for being who they were.   Schopenhauer understood the value of solitude and the purity of thought while Nietzsche championed the cause of striving to be better than we are.   Even in these so-called modern times, there is a tendency to reduce everything to basics.   Deconstruction though, has its limits and its detractors.   If we have a guiding star, then there is no reason to ignore it and even if we have nothing like that, we owe it to ourselves to complete the circle.   As it is above, so it is below.   The Chinese philosophy of Yin and Yang promotes the universal tension of opposites.   For every positive there is a corresponding negative and everything that exists has an independence and interdependence on maintaing dual harmonies and balances.   Without life there can be no death.   Our own demise is merely the completion of the cycle of life.

amd1953