Owed to Solitude

[amd1953]

I owe a lot to my current situation in life.   In fact, it's probably as close to heaven on earth that I will ever get.   I've served my apprenticeship in the School of Hard Knocks.   It was actually a life sentence with no time off for good behaviour.   I think it was Mr. W. Shakespeare who said "All the world's a stage".   And that is precisely what we are - actors on a stage.   Some of us play our parts really well and fool the audience into actually believing what we say we are.   Then there are those who find it impossible to be anything other than what they are.   Not good actors at all.   That's where I make my entrance.   But I don't play to the audience any more because it is a complete and utter waste of time and effort.   Now that I have settled into retirement, I can stop the acting and the pretence and be whatever I choose to be.   It's a great pity that we have to spend the greater part of our lives playing to an audience.   Some people get away with turning their backs on the bright lights and sink into blissful anonymity.   This is what I am trying to do now so that I can gather a little happiness around me before I drop off the perch.   When I think back, I seem to have spent so much time trying to keep everyone else happy and giving in to do things when I don't want to.   I never had the nerve to say no so I guess I was a real pushover.   I think it's time to turn the page on the script and write my own dialogue for a change.   Or is that asking too much?   I'm not really sure myself.   Maybe I am expecting too much.   Shame on me eh?   But there will come a time when I run out of choices and that will be the end of it.   The curtain comes down on another production.   I only hope it doesn't come too soon.   If we do what we want to when we want to do it, we are called selfish.   I have nothing left to give.   It's all gone.   The audience have gone home and the stage is a dusty platform waiting for the next deception.   Sorry, production.

[amd1953]

Hello and welcome Moonstruck,

An empty stage is a blank canvas waiting for the players to each tell their story to the world.   Unfortunately, the world doesn't always want to hear what we have to say but say it anyway.   It's good practice.   Raise your voice to the heavens and proclaim your intent to break those chains that bind you.   Rules and laws were made to be challenged.   Awaken that sleeping jolly green giant and be wonderful.   Hope to hear from you soon and jump into these conversations whenever you like.

Regards

AMD1953

[mmMekitty]

Hello everyone

Come to think of it, I'd like to shout, long & loud, if only because I think it would feel good [ though, of-course, I've felt there have been many things worth shouting about, but being so loud is something I am so far unable to even imagine, let alone, getting up on that stage & roaring for all I am worth.

*

& about groing up - agreed, it is overrated. Retaining & nurturing as much of your original, uncontamated child is now what I think. It's unfortunate I realise this now as I am feeling I am aging, feeling the evidence of wear & tear, thinking, it really may be true, what i have thought for a long time, that my bald patch (since birth), will not fill-in before I lose enough hair to be considered 'bald' (likely more the whispy cobwebby look for me).

*

Aging may indeed have something to do with not sleeping, waking early, if it's true that older people don't sleep as much, maybe don't need as much sleep as younger people. What a shame - when I do get several hours of proper, deep sleep, I feel it's such a pleasure, I want more.

For myself, I haven't managed to keep a regular sleep/wake cycle. I'm not sure old cats can learn new tricks, either. We tend to become irascible if push comes to shove. So, now I leave it alone, & don't worry or berate myself when I wake early, or don't get to sleep as early as might be preferable - there's just no use doing that, because it doesn't lead to better sleeping anyway.

I do try to pay attention to when my body is telling me I'm tired, feeling like I could drop off to sleep soon, & then do all the small things to get ready for bed & then, hopefully, I'll get to sleep alright. Somethimes that doesn't work. Sometimes, I get myself into bed & suddenly, I'm fully awake again! sometimes I take too long getting to bed & miss the  window of opportunity.

It's like trying to boil the perfect egg, (for me) slightly under hard boiled, so the yolk is a rich colour without much liquid remaining. I think I've made some now, too well-done again - I was distracted by reading here!

No worries - still going to be eaten over the next few days, in salads, in sandwiches, or even as a snack. I will enjoy them.

Hugzies

mmMekitty

[Emotions26]

Salve, Assiduously Monitoring Developments 1953

Si, I am still replying to post scribed on Thursday.

You are playing the role of no less than Theseus on Christmas Day at the Odeon of Athens.

Hence, my placing the ancient silver coin on aforementioned stone bench made from wood, marble or limestone.  Climb higher up for a balcony seat perspective.   The balcony seat option is for others though.   Remember you are the whole reason for the play.  You are Theseus.  You did allude to the fact that Hamlet was not your finest moment.   That was in the past.   No need to dwell on that.   Leave it in the past.   Try to breathe and we will allow you some time.  Then onwards and upwards the show must go on.   I have spent much time inviting guests and there is an after theatre party to follow.   No pressure.  This will be held on stage of course so that everyone gets a chance of being centre stage.  I did invite your neighbours though so you might be a wee bit upset about that.   Do you actually know what they look like though?    They probably won’t even recognise you without your tall hedge.   Remember that you will be in Theseus costume.   Theatrical makeup can completely transform people into whoever they want to be.  Exciting.   Would this be a good time to let you know that I have invited Sir Laurence Olivier and Sir John Gielgud?    I haven’t heard back from either as yet.   Then again they are awfully busy aren’t they?   No rush Christmas Day is tomorrow not today after all.   

 I need to write another letter to you about the latter part of that letter.   Your cherry tree sounds like a wonderful sanctuary wherein to seek shade.   I hope that you have some sweet cherries to reward you. The Lopherina Superba waved as she flew over during her holiday away from Papua New Guinea. She just missed the Robin as she was taking off from here.  Fortunately they did not collide.   Has that cheeky bluebird of happiness made it home safely yet?

Rimani forte, sicuro e in buona salute    Emerald mirages shine 26

[Emotions26]

I have been an observer of people my whole life.  From a very young child people have intrigued and fascinated me.  Daydreaming encourages observing.  New stimulations and ideas for the mind to play with.      As with the forgiveness, can you tell yourself that those years cannot be revived?  Your mind takes you on journeys as you write.  You have a wonderful gift that many of those people you dream about will never experience.  You are also discovering what wonders working in a garden can bring.  There is much to come.  Hindsight is a nuisance and can wreak havoc.  Be gone.  Whose rules will you be living by in the next lifetime?  Whoever you are and only you in the next lifetime will know that.  You fly every time you write.  You take to the sky and soar reaching new heights.  Feel the freedom as your words are released onto paper.  Breathtaking.   You have this, as you are drawn to birds. 

[Emotions26]

Parte terza, Il mio amico francese    Bonjours Antonius Marcus Democritus 19 – 53 BC

Mon ami francais, Nous retrouvons maintenant a la meme table tous les matins pour une conversation legere, une tassed de café et des croissants frraichement cuits. Nous observons les passants en silence.  Tellement apaisant.

(meant to be beginning of last post)  I feel weary now.

End of last post  was

Au revoir pour l’instant jusqu’a ce que nous rencontrions a nouveau. Vous me trouverez au café a la meme table tous les matins.

Emotions vingt-six

Hope that this does not give you a headache.

[Emotions26]

postscript   amd

All of the above are varying strategies that work some of the time not all of the time.  The secret is to keep on changing them and keep ahead of our mind that plays tricks on us drawing us back into our patterned thinking.

Some days nothing works.  Then we try to tell ourselve that we are human and sadness, regrets, grief are all natural emotions.  If we did not have our past that haunts us it would only be a different one.

Be careful what you wish for.

Who wrote that recently I wonder?

Ems

[amd1953]

Buongiorno Shining Emeral Mirage Ventisei,

Believe me it was an easy decision which one to accept - Theseus or Shylock.   The visceral moneylender who demanded his pound of flesh?   Not me at all I'm afraid.   Not even in an amateur theatrical production where the proceeds are donated to my favourite charity.   I must have my share of the limelight because we are completely out of lemons.   Oranges may also do the trick, but I am no Nell Gwynne.   However, I would dearly love to be.   A man of many parts which could be ruined with an anatomical reference.   I can turn my limited talents to playing either gender.   See previous reference to Noah's wife!   I would also like to play one of the Gentleman of Verona.   A Shakespearean comedy with few parallels.   Self-sacrifice is highly commendable as a lesson in moral fibre but it could be a hard act to follow.

Yes, I do have a soft for my lovely cherry tree, but I think the cherries are still maturing in the summer sun.   The birds will get to them first.   They always do.   

I heard the bluebird before I saw it.   But then the song predicts the presence of said bluebird.

I think it only fair to warn you that there may be a problem contacting the two theatrical gentlemen mentioned in my previous letter.   As they are both passed from this world to the next.   No doubt that they are entertaining their adoring audiences there as well.   To be or not to be, there is no question.

My neighbours would never favour me with their presence so it is no great loss that they will not be attending.

I can see more letters from you, and I would like to answer each one of them.

Arrivederci

Antonio Michelangelo Davinci 1593

[amd1953]

Addendum

Perhaps an active observer might be better than a passive player.   Janus had the benefit of looking to the past and the future for inspiration.   The historical years are spent and make way for the years of the future.   Better to surrender gracefully our grasp on the past than lose the promise of a greater future.   The benefit of hindsight allows us to recognise patterns of behaviour in most things.   Whether we heed them is another question altogether.   It would save us a lot of angst if we did.

[amd1953]

très bien mon ami

tu es l'étoile la plus brillante du ciel

que ton éclat ne s'efface jamais

Puisses-tu trouver la paix et l'amour partout où tu vas.

[amd1953]

My you have been busy today,

Certainly keeping my fingers on their toes.

Touche, Ems, you have me with that quote. 🙂

However, I would offer the excellent excuse that strategic withdrawal is also advisable when the chips are down and the goose is being cooked.   Better to run away than fight another day.

Ciao!