Owed to Solitude

amd1953 · ‎08-05-2023

I owe a lot to my current situation in life. In fact, it's probably as close to heaven on earth that I will ever get. I've served my apprenticeship in the School of Hard Knocks. It was actually a life sentence with no time off for good behaviour. I think it was Mr. W. Shakespeare who said "All the world's a stage". And that is precisely what we are - actors on a stage. Some of us play our parts really well and fool the audience into actually believing what we say we are. Then there are those who find it impossible to be anything other than what they are. Not good actors at all. That's where I make my entrance. But I don't play to the audience any more because it is a complete and utter waste of time and effort. Now that I have settled into retirement, I can stop the acting and the pretence and be whatever I choose to be. It's a great pity that we have to spend the greater part of our lives playing to an audience. Some people get away with turning their backs on the bright lights and sink into blissful anonymity. This is what I am trying to do now so that I can gather a little happiness around me before I drop off the perch. When I think back, I seem to have spent so much time trying to keep everyone else happy and giving in to do things when I don't want to. I never had the nerve to say no so I guess I was a real pushover. I think it's time to turn the page on the script and write my own dialogue for a change. Or is that asking too much? I'm not really sure myself. Maybe I am expecting too much. Shame on me eh? But there will come a time when I run out of choices and that will be the end of it. The curtain comes down on another production. I only hope it doesn't come too soon. If we do what we want to when we want to do it, we are called selfish. I have nothing left to give. It's all gone. The audience have gone home and the stage is a dusty platform waiting for the next deception. Sorry, production.

Emotions26 · ‎25-06-2023

Good morning Amd

I hope that the night hours have afforded you much deserved sleep

I hope that you are feeling more rested than before

I hope that your breakfast increases your energy levels no matter how slightly

I hope that these energy levels encourage more clarity in thinking

I hope that the clarity aids your concentration

I hope that the concentration allows that inventive mind of yours to wander

I hope that the wandering mind allows daydreams inducing vivid imaginations

I hope that the imaginations stir your desires to write on that blank canvas

I hope that thoughts begin to flow and that your hand cannot keep up with the speed

as your thoughts become words that fall onto your canvas

I hope that you write

I hope that you enjoy this incredible gift that you have

I hope that the day brings you new beginnings as every day can offer

Look out for what today offers and invite curiosity to sit with you at your table

The ministry of silly walks awaits your visit

Create

Ta Ta for now

Em

Emotions26 · ‎25-06-2023

Are you awake yet Amd

Have you seen the children's film The BFG?

I used punctuation as this is not an epic response as per my usual style

A short summary in case you have not read the book or seen the film

The BFG is a 1982 children's book written by British novelist Roald Dahl and illustrated by Quentin Blake. It is an expansion of a short story from Dahl's 1975 book Danny, the Champion of the World. The book is dedicated to Dahl's late daughter, Olivia, who died of measles encephalitis at the age of seven in 1962. Wikipedia

I found a list of exactly 26 emotions Soooooooooo Just for something different

Amazed

Bored

Calm

Disgusted

Embarrassed

Frightened

Gloomy

Happy

Irate

Jealous

Kind

Lonely

Miserable

Nervous

Overwhelmed

Puzzled

Quiet

Relaxed

Surprised

Tired

Unsure

Vexed

Worried

Excited

Yucky

Zany

Em

amd1953 · ‎25-06-2023

Good Afternoon E=Mc2,

That's a lot of emotion for sure. I can relate to most of them. A lot of hope on display too. I hope I can deliver the goods. I have heard about the BFG and I may even have started to watch the movie. Can't remember if I actually finished watching it though. I still own a few children's books such as The Borrowers and Winnie the Pooh. I suppose you could say that I was still a child at heart. Unwilling to give up some things because they remind me of the better times of my childhood. Not that there were many but enough to be highly valued. A lot of memories of going long walks with my grandfather in the English countryside. Such a long time ago and also far away. It would have been so perfect if it hadn't been for the bullying at school but we can't have everything can we? I used to live in the village where Samuel Taylor Coleridge was born so I feel a strong connection with him. We never think about dying when we are young. It's only when we experience the world and discover what people can do to us that we are forced to accept our mortality. I refuse to get morbid today.

Amd

Emotions26 · ‎25-06-2023

Hello Amd

Albert Einstein and all those years of physics. An equation that still makes a person stop and think. Some people. It also further demonstrates the power of language with varying meanings of singular words that can change the whole concept of a discussion. Touché. You are sounding flat and I can see even then your mind is still sharp.
A few too many offers of hope on my part. Sorry.We too lived in the English countryside up a bit from there in the Cotswolds. Loved staying at a family farm.

I enjoyed the film The BFG as I do enjoy some children’s films still.

Oddly enough The Borrowers was a present from my grandfather whom I only met once or twice. A very successful, busy man moving around the British Isles therefore little time for grandchildren who did not always live close by. I did not have Winnie the Pooh but had Wind in the Willows and many Enid Blyton books along others.

I am going to have to finish here as writing on my phone has a mind of it’s own. I spend more time editing

I do know how depleted I feel when I have my own d which is still hanging around

Goodnight

Em

Emotions26 · ‎27-06-2023

Hello Amd

I have no way of knowing how you are feeling at the moment. I do know that your last words were that you refused to get morbid on that day which are encouraging to hear.

This is the point where I struggle as I do not want to attempt to make you feel better as I know only too well that I do not have the power to do so.

I suffer from on and off apparently from what I refer to as the dreaded d as well as A where the two on occasions seem to be competing.

So I know better.

I am letting you know that I am thinking of you.

I also am going away soon where I will not be able to access these forums.

I want to let you know that the last time that I can write to you will be on this coming friday.

I will write to you before then.

I might be away for about 7 weeks.

This trip was planned about 3 months ago and is on my bucket list.

As to how long away I am unsure as a family who are like family have a family member who is young and currently receiving chemotherapy. One is waiting on a transplant. I believe now from my latest news that they hope to go ahead with the transplant regardless.

This apart from other family grief has been affecting me naturally.

I am now in a state of mind where regardless of all the horrendous past that I have endured that I do not wish to disclose, I am aware that life is precious. I have lost too many too young.

My attempts to be silly and cheerful perhaps have caused you more distress. If this is the case I am sorry.

My interactions with you have been sincere and have brought me inspiration and joy.

I hope that you will when and if you want to, continue to write to me.

Do what you need to do for you.

I will be checking for letters until Friday at the latest and then on my return whenever that is.

If you could let me know your wishes that would be much appreciated.

If not I do also understand.

Thank you for so much Amd

Em

amd1953 · ‎27-06-2023

Dear Em,

Please be as silly and as cheerful as you want to. I am fine with anything you want to say on here. I hope your bucket list break will be everything you are hoping for. You deserve it. As for me, I will probably still be here after seven weeks. Unless I am abducted by aliens or agree to go voluntarily. I hear Mars is great this time of year. If I had my way, I would be living on my own planet as far away from this one as possible. When I look around at what is going on in this world, I just shake my head and roll my eyes. Even the JW's don't visit anymore which is a shame because I like to hear them telling me that everything is going to be fine. We may even survive without any religion at all. I received my student number today from the university so another handful of weeks and it will be all go. Very exciting for me. I walked up to the chemist and the supermarket this morning and by the time I got back, I was aching all over. Well, that is enough waffling from me for now. Take care and stay safe.

Kind Regards amd

Emotions26 · ‎29-06-2023

Hello amd

I have been very busy this last week which has exhausted me. I feel as though I need to just fall into bed and wake up when I am ready to leave on my journey.

Too much to still finalise as there always is.

Mars hmm not many trees or much greenery there. I would travel further and find your own planet.

I was surprised to hear that you walked to the shops at the same time although not the most exciting adventure in the world getting out in the air itself and seeing natural lighting is quite a contrast.

I was a mess after spending five hours walking around shops then a visit to the dentist the other day.

Out again today and again tomorrow. I drove on Tuesday, today and will be tomorrow. Good for me. I took the longer quieter country road way home today.

All happening for you now and you are officially a student. I hope that this is a new start for you in life and you will make acquaintances even if all online I am sure.

By the way you do not waffle. You describe your days.

Buona notte e adio per ora

Take care and keep safe also

Will catch you if you are still here on my return

Em

Emotions26 · ‎19-09-2023

Hello amd

I do hope that you have not been abducted by aliens.
I can’t see any footprints or even a trail of breadcrumbs. No huge unexplained markings.

Ah you are completely absorbed in your study.

I hope that you are thriving returning to formal study.

Drop me a line if and when you feel up to doing so.

Take care

Em

amd1953 · ‎20-09-2023

Hello Em,

Welcome back! I hope you had a good break and are now overflowing with renewed vigor. I would most likely have gone willingly with the aliens. No abduction necessary. To escape this world is my one and only hope of salvation. But saved from what I wonder? No luck with the study either. I lasted a week before succumbing to some kind of brain explosion. Never mind though, there is always the next life or the ones after that. It really doesn't matter, one way or the other. My quest for knowledge and truth will have to continue without scholastic achievement. Mine is still the voice crying from the wilderness. Wishing all the time that no one will ever hear me. That may explain the missing trail of activity on here. Nothing much to say and no one to echo my thoughts. A sounding board without a sound. A signpost without direction. A lighthouse without a beacon. All a bit sad really but there it is. Perhaps the dawn will bring a new day even though the day begins at the stroke of midnight - the witching hour. The death of one day and the birth of the next. The cycle of life claims us all in time. Nietzsche wrote that what doesn't kill us makes us stronger. Oh, I hope so. Otherwise, this whole farce has been in vain. Never to be repeated, fortunately. Is Rick Blaine a fatalist or a realist? Perhaps I should move to Casablanca to find out. We all want to be heroes but only some of us succeed. Actually, I have never wanted to be anything at all except a freedom fighter. What else is there to live for? Well, there is baked cheesecake for one thing and chocolate eclairs for another. See what nonsense I can produce when I am neither half-awake nor half asleep? It's a kind of suspended animation.

May the force be with you.

aMd

Emotions26 · ‎21-09-2023

Hello aMd

Yes, I still read everything and more than once.

I think that herein lies a similarity we both have a love of words and language.

I had a wonderful experience. I had been wanting to travel to more parts of Europe for the better part of my life. I lived on an island for a few years and the love of cultures and language stirred within me from that young age.

The trip was not without major and minor hiccups. Then even trips cannot escape real life. I feel that there is a part of me that has been revived and welcomed by many people from other cultures whom I met and attempted to communicate with in a warm, lighthearted way. The whole time travelling to different countries; recognising their visual environmental differences as well as cultures was the best gift that I could ever receive.

I have returned home learning just as much about myself as others I encountered. Far better than any therapy or pill.

After being home in Australia one day we felt unwell and discovered that European Omicron had decided to catch a free ride at our expense. I am now; after nearly 6 weeks only just able to go out. I still have symptoms. We were fully vaccinated before we went and able to obtain anti-virals due to health issues on our return. These helped as much as they could. Of course they did not contain the strain of the new European omicron mutation so were not as effective as we had hoped. We could have been far worse without them.

Hence my not writing for some time.

I will write in response to your comments as soon as I can.

I have to get ready for an appointment now.

Sorry that this first response is rather gloomy and boring.

Will write soon

me