Owed to Solitude

[amd1953]

I owe a lot to my current situation in life.   In fact, it's probably as close to heaven on earth that I will ever get.   I've served my apprenticeship in the School of Hard Knocks.   It was actually a life sentence with no time off for good behaviour.   I think it was Mr. W. Shakespeare who said "All the world's a stage".   And that is precisely what we are - actors on a stage.   Some of us play our parts really well and fool the audience into actually believing what we say we are.   Then there are those who find it impossible to be anything other than what they are.   Not good actors at all.   That's where I make my entrance.   But I don't play to the audience any more because it is a complete and utter waste of time and effort.   Now that I have settled into retirement, I can stop the acting and the pretence and be whatever I choose to be.   It's a great pity that we have to spend the greater part of our lives playing to an audience.   Some people get away with turning their backs on the bright lights and sink into blissful anonymity.   This is what I am trying to do now so that I can gather a little happiness around me before I drop off the perch.   When I think back, I seem to have spent so much time trying to keep everyone else happy and giving in to do things when I don't want to.   I never had the nerve to say no so I guess I was a real pushover.   I think it's time to turn the page on the script and write my own dialogue for a change.   Or is that asking too much?   I'm not really sure myself.   Maybe I am expecting too much.   Shame on me eh?   But there will come a time when I run out of choices and that will be the end of it.   The curtain comes down on another production.   I only hope it doesn't come too soon.   If we do what we want to when we want to do it, we are called selfish.   I have nothing left to give.   It's all gone.   The audience have gone home and the stage is a dusty platform waiting for the next deception.   Sorry, production.

[amd1953]

Not a problem and thank you

[amd1953]

Don't worry, I only think the worse when it is absolutely necessary.   🙂

[white knight]

Hi, welcome 

I embraced my sensitivity when 1. I read that up to 20% of humans has HSP Highly Srnsitive People and 2. That without my sensitivity I couldn't write my poetry and 3. That I might not be able to "feel" peoples internal turmoil to help them.

With respect, I think you are stuck on the same stage, same audience that are still there but empty souls. Time to move and visit the wardrobe.

"The rich man gave the beggar a dollar

But the penny didn't drop"

Meaning, the obvious could be in front of our eyes. That fuzzy feeling when something extraordinary happens.

That moment came 25 years ago. I took advice from Prem Rawat Maharaji (please google him on youtube) to climb a hill, sit on a rock and watch the sun set. A sun to set takes two hours. I sat still basking and just before I was about to leave a bird landed on my shoulder. 

From then on I read more of his teachings and gradually weaned myself from humans to now, when I select very carefully.

And as I closed my marriage door

I took her words with me 

The only spin I thought had value 

It's what my future be.

PROBLEM FLOWER

Her words rang in my mind 

So I picked a daisy flower

Picked a petal for each of my woes

And counted them by the hour

And when that flower was just a stem

My problems as big as a city tower

I thought my problems were numerous

But not as many as that flower...

TonyWK

[Emotions26]

Hello amd1953

my replies are not showing

will try tomorrow

[Emotions26]

Hello amd1953

How are you?

I have bee reading this afternoon - fiction 

the back cover provides the following insight:

A tender. Funny and hopeful look at love, grief and life..

A somewhat broad statement of life

The author as an easy to read style and there are some surprising twists thankfully

I love reading if I like the writing style.

Are you a reader?

Only need respond if you are interested as there is nothing worse than forced conversation is there

Hard to know what to talk about on here

Emotions 26

ps have just realised that my username states that I have 26 emotions

[Emotions26]

Hello Whight Knight

Nice that you are in touch with your sensitivity levels. 
I am sensitive not sure how high

I tend to stay away from giving myself labels.

I do appreciate that it helps some which is great.

Poetry is beautiful and yours Carrie’s strong emotions

Great that you can express yourself that way

I like writing but can’t write poetry.

Emotions 26

ps

I hope that it is in the rules for me to reply to a Community Champion as I know that you were addressing amd1953

[amd1953]

Hello Emotions26,

I am fine thank you.   I wish you good health too.   Somebody probably needs to view those things through a cracked lens rather than a rosy one.   I can't really comment on love and romance but I do know too much about grief and life.   I used to be a romantic but I lost that when I got married the first and then the second time.  Love remains a mystery to me and I don't think I will ever understand it.   It's a way of life that is way above my head and therefore I have absolutely nothing positive to say about human relationships at all that might prove amusing or interesting.   It obviously works for some but if I had my time again, I would prefer to remain single at any cost.   For someone like me, it just isn't worth the emotional price that you have to pay.   I've had enough grief to last fifty lifetimes and my life has improved a thousandfold since I escaped from the rat race.   Please forgive me if I sound a little cynical but that is just the way it is.   I used to love reading as a child but I lost the interest as other things came along and demanded my attention.   Now that I am older, my eyes are not as good as they used to be and even though I wear reading glasses, I find it hard to concentrate so I don't bother any more.   I write a lot of stuff though because the print is bigger on the word processor, and I already know what I want to say.   I know I have a lot to say.   Some would say far too much.   But I do it anyway.   As I don't go out of the house much I have a few hobbies that I concentrate on to keep me busy so I'm happy what I'm doing and as long as people leave me alone, there is never a problem.   As you can see, I do belong in the wilderness.   It is the safest place to be.

[Emotions26]

Hello amd1953

I was wondering whether or not you would reply after my mess ups with responses.

I am using the mobile that has an unfriendly keyboard and the little white boxes that I respond in make it difficult also. I am not able to see your post either which makes it hard to respond to parts of what you have written.

I shall try though.

I know about unpleasant marriage also. It has left it’s scars and somehow I manoeuvre past the memories of that and an awful 2nd near marriage. The latter a very nasty person. I work very hard at not thinking about “that”

I have been told that people with sensitive natures who have compassion and empathy for others attract these people. 
Grief and trauma are outcomes and I am so very sorry to learn that you were treated so abominably twice. That is not love. That is cruelty. It does not mean that you did not possess love. You still have that within you that you can love yourself with.

Love your writing. Perhaps love your wilderness. 
Let me know if I start to sound annoying. I too seem to put people off with my truth.

You sound as though you are fairly established in your hobbies which is a credit to you.

We might carry hurt but I know that I am resilient. I sense that in you.

I am trying to get out more again as I love walking and nature. . A great way to learn about where I live and ponder about the history.

I love old structures and history.

You mentioned that you are happier if people leave you alone.

Please let me know if I start to resemble an irritating mosquito or such.

I also didn’t receive a notification. 
Do I have to click on follow post every time?

ps

If you don’t go out perhaps you need a new prescription for your reading glasses.

Libraries will deliver books if you can’t get out. You probably know this already.

Emotions26

[amd1953]

Hi Emotions26,

I can assure you that I will answer your posts.   These little bumps in the road are unfortunate but probably not avoidable and they must happen from time to time.   We tend to shut out a lot of unpleasant memories don't we?   That is why I am so keen to remember the good ones that lift us up or bring a smile to our face.   It is rare to find someone with an even temperament and willing to converse and be friendly.  Sometimes it seems too much to expect because a lot of people don't have much spare time for anyone else.   Either that or they are suspicious of strangers.   I'm not sure that I would refer to myself as resilient, but I am much stronger in spirit than I was a few decades ago.   Some would call it "realistic".   There are probably many other terms I could use but it is a strength of mind forger through fire and brimstone.   Sounds a little dramatic but you would be surprised how true that is.   Truth is also a rare commodity, I hope you never lose it.   I no longer get annoyed with people.   It seems to me to be a waste of time and energy.   I like to have something to do to keep my mind active and that is where my passion for words and writing come into play.   I like to go out for walks during the warmer months but I have back problems which has taken the enjoyment out of it.   All I can do now is think healthy and of course follow a reasonably healthy lifestyle.   The only people I would prefer to leave me alone are the ones that always judge and criticise.   Enough people have tried to bend me to their will over the years.   I'll have none of it.   I couldn't advise you on what you have to click on this forum.  I haven't been here long enough myself to know much of what goes on.   All of my messages appear to be collected under my username and if I click on that they all appear as if by magic.   I probably do need new reading glasses but even though I have a car, I hate driving on the roads these days which is one of the reasons I am content to stay at home.   We have a local library but I have enough books to read that I have collected over the years.   Besides, there is always plenty to read on the internet.   I hope this forum becomes more familiar to you as you navigate the posts.

Regards amd

[white knight]

Hi and

I've been enjoying this discussion.

This forum has a huge library. Just use the search feature.

I can, and others also, relate to your choice of solitude yet we need company, as you do by being here.

That compromise is ideal to pursue.

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/staying-well/want-to-be-a-hermit/td-p/273204

TonyWK