Overwhelmed Newbie

[Evi001]

Hi, I'm new here and to forums. I have suffered with anxiety and panic attacks for the last 23 years. This has led to depression and some OCD's which are my coping mechanisms. I was coping for many years in that I could get on with life and feel normal for the most part, but then in May of last year, I had to go into hospital for five days with pneumonia. I was in a state of high anxiety for the entire time. I didn't sleep - didn't even try to sleep. It took me weeks to get into a proper sleeping pattern when I got home (proper for me, but by no means normal), but I can't shake the anxiety. It's there 24/7, and varies from moderate to severe. If anything goes wrong in my life, even the tiny things that logic tells me aren't a big deal, I fall to pieces. It's debilitating and I just want to feel normal! I have seen psychologists in the past, but they haven't helped. I started with another one in Aug of last year. I like her and she's easy to talk to, but so far, she hasn't really helped me. I tried another psychologist in Nov. I went twice and she left me feeling utterly desperate. I was in tears every single day for about six weeks. My husband didn't know what to do with me. I have gone back to the original psych and I'm hoping that she will find a way to help me because I'm out of ideas. I try to make changes to my life, but I'm finding that any changes at all heighten the anxiety and I can't cope with them. Some of the changes are ridiculous - new bed linen for example. Most of my anxiety seems to be associated with sleep, so any changes to my sleep routine are a nightmare! I simply can't cope with it. The worst part of all of this is that to the outside world, I'm a strong individual, a leader and someone who doesn't get phased easily. No-one is ever going to believe the anxiety issues I have. My husband has been a rock, but he is lost. He has no idea how to help me. He just feels helpless and this makes me feel guilty. It's a vicious circle and I need faith that it will one day end, but 23 years is a long time and I have yet to see even a pin prick of light at the end of the tunnel.

[CMF]

Hi Evi and welcome,

I'm sorry to hear what you are experiencing, it is such a long time to have to deal with this and you are not alone. I understand when you say psychologists haven't really helped and it could be you haven't found the right one. What is your gp like? Are you comfortable talking to him/her? Sounds like your anxiety about sleep is causing you not to sleep so you gave a snowball effect. You worry about sleep, then you can't sleep do your anxiety gets wors because you haven't slept. Are you on any medication for anxiety or sleep? Have you tried meditation? There is an app called 'smiling mind' to help with relaxation. Are you exercising and eating well?

i hope we can find some light at the end of the tunnel for you. Please keep posting as mUch as you need.

take care

cmf

[Evi001]

Thank you cmf. Yes, my anxiety gets worse when I don't sleep and I'm tired. I have tried meditation, but it's difficult with the thoughts zooming through my head - they tend to take over. I have some methods I can use to help me sleep, but they won't work at times of high anxiety. I try to exercise, but I have back problems which are exacerbated by another medical issue that can't be dealt with - it's rare and there is no cure. Because of this, I have gone from an active person to someone who struggles. I have recently been forcing myself to go to the shopping centre every day, even if it's just to sit and have a cup of coffee. Walking from one end of the smallish centre to the other is about as far as I can go at the moment, but it's better than nothing. I have to admit that I'm not eating as well as I could be. My husband does most of the cooking because my back issues don't allow me to stand too long while preparing the food. I do as much of the cooking as I can. My husband has no idea about nutrition, but he's getting better ... slowly. I have been prescribed medication for times when I am desperate. I try to avoid taking it because of its addictive qualities. My GP is a lovely lady and she understands my issues. She will listen to me when things are bad, but I feel guilty for taking her time. She is a very busy lady because she's so understanding.

[geoff]

hi Evi001, can I welcome you to the forums and sorry that you haven't had any luck with seeing a psychologist because there could be times when they don't hit the magic spot where you are hurting so much.

I'm also sorry that you have to try and cope with OCD, I have it myself and there are times when it only dominates your life mostly when you aren't feeling the best, so I wonder whether there is any other habit/ritual you need to do before you go to bed, you have bought new linen, maybe try and sleep in another bed, then this could mean that nothing has to be done as you are in a new bed, just a thought.

23 years is a long time, far too long and I'm terribly sorry for you, but think about what you need to do, I know any change isn't easy, but would really like to hear back from you. Geoff.

[Josh_K_B]

Hi Evi,

Thank you for your post.

But more importantly, thank you for having the courage to keep seeking advice in helping to gain control of your conditions, no matter how many times you fall down.

Although I don't experience OCD, I can completely relate to the the agony and frustration of not being able to sleep, no matter how exhausted you are..

You mention that your husband does the majority of the cooking at home, but doesn't have a full grasp of the nutrition side of things. Can I ask, do you mean that you tend to eat more pre-prepared processed food for meals, rather than cook with fresh produce?

I only ask this because I have struggled with similar lack of sleep issues and have found that by removing a lot of processed foods in my diet, particularly at dinner, I have been able to get to sleep easier, in addition to the quality of my sleep improving as well.

That is not to say that you need to go cold turkey and remove all processed foods out of your diet in one go.. Maybe just start by cutting out one 'unhealthy' meal a week and see if you notice any positive changes in your sleeping pattern..

I understand that you are conscious of your husband doing most of the cooking, so the less time he needs to spend in the kitchen making dinner the better right?

There are some really easy, yummy and healthier meals he can make for you both.

Some of my favourite meals are:

• Baked potatoes with salads and other toppings e.g. shredded ham/chicken, leftover spag bolognese (YUM!)
• Cold deli meats + salads (potato/coleslaw/pasta/garden)
• Hot chicken (store made) + steamed veggies (broccoli, corn etc), + a little gravy (easier said than done!)

Those are the ones that I can think on the top of my head, but there are many others!

I'm sorry to hear that your medical conditions limit you in regards to how you can exercise. I couldn't think of anything more frustrating!

I always like following the mantra of any exercise is good exercise! So no matter how small that shopping centre walk is, keep it up, as every bit counts! Well done for taking the initiative!

Can I ask, have you ever considered using an exercise tracking device such as a fit bit or other wearables?

I only ask because they can provide you with an amazing amount of information about you and your body. My watch tracks my sleep and exercise, and has honestly been revolutionary for me in terms of maintaining a healthy routine. I find it also helps with my anxiety too!

Hope some of this helps.

Josh 🙂