not understanding

not_dead_yet · ‎23-11-2025

Hello, I am a high school student pls call me Ani. I don't know if this will be too heavy for a intoduction (got zero social skills) so forgive me if it is (also sorry if it doesn't make sense it is 2am for me). I feel very attention seeking no matter what i do. When it comes to self harm and crying, even if i don't tell anyone i feel like i am only doing it for attention. Even posting this feels like its attention seeking. This is a problem at school as well, when im eating and when im not, when i answer questions or if i disappear in a corner. Literally everything feels attention seeking. I am constantly sleeping in class because i feel like everything is a big effort and it feels attention seeking too (i think you get it). When i am talking with friends, if they respond well to a topic i will bring it up again and again because i feel like they will leave for other people if i don't. I get very very anxious about it. sometimes i think that my stomach aches are from this (or maybe cinnamon).If they respond to me negatively i go through a spiral. Even right now i don't know if they are my friends or not. With my personalities and well, im sure this is a common thing but i feel it tailored to every single person and its so tiring to keep up. I don't even know what my original personality is supposed to be anymore. I also have lots of issues with family which i also don't understand. I am yapping oops. i feel like i don't have the right to feel anything at all and if i do its attention seeking. (how many times have i said attention seeking). I feel like i overthink alot and never have my mind set on something. I think i'm gonna go sleep now. Welp this is me, good night.

moody-_ahhhhh · ‎23-11-2025

hi Ani, part of me feels no one validated your feelings or properly nourished you when u were younger. for some reason, no one likes providing reassurance in school, honestly if they respond negatively but not constructively/openly then its a red flag u might be better of making new friends. i think if they're blunt and just mean they probably dont value the friendship as much as you do

not_dead_yet · ‎23-11-2025

These are the friends that have stayed with me the longest but rather than blunt or negativly it just feels like I've been left out more. Like in my class a few days ago, they were working on a project and showed my other friend while they didnt show me, I had to ask. This happened more than once. Also with multiple people i will talk and have to repeat myself alot, i mean alot. Sometimes i just give up. I feel that it is a privilege to even talk to them. I dont know how to make friends and the rest of my year seems to be very not idk how to explain but like they seem like worse options then I have right now... im not sure, I'll try anyways.

not_dead_yet

I was doing better at school before, now a few weeks into the holidays i feel like i am going to relapse with sh. My parents are the main reason of this and i love them i feel that but none of my opinions are being heard or being over heard if that makes sense.if they agree with me or i push for something it still ends up being discarded. I feel i also dont have the social skills to make friends at school but it was much better there then at home. I think an example of this is that i have constantly been pushing for me to stop extra singing lessons because i have so many that it is impacting my grades, but also because i dont like it at all. the reason i started was because i was belting let it go at like 5 in the living room. they finally agreed to stop, only to say that i should continue because i can always rely on this to make a living when i dont make it into uni. i feel like if i show any interest into anything they take that too seriously as well. I finally was able to push for a tutor but now i have set schedules on when and where to study on top of the singing lessons. I dont deal well with schedules and i study so much better when i feel like im not being pressured to study and i can study wherever i like, which only happened once in a gap between school and parent teacher interviews. I also feel like they arent respecting my privacy either. My mum would come into my room without knocking despite me telling her to knock hundreds of times, i know that this is probs just a mum thing though. My parents overshare private stuff about be as well, such as sharing videos of me with people without asking and me finding my exact measurements online from when i was like 10, this was for an acting website i think. I have had to do multiple performances without even notice and i cant even refuse or my mum will gaslight or threaten me with taking away the only thing i asked for which is skating lessons and it took 10 years for them to agree. im sorry i know im just yapping now. I havent had a day in this holiday where i could just do what i want. I have been having urges to sh again and its getting more frequent and stronger. I dont think i can get through the rest of the holidays without sh let alone before i can move out. I have been getting almost daily thoughts of suicide, though i am too wimpy to go through with it, Ive had past incidents where I wasn't safe and i still have ongoing reminders of the past. I don't want my parents or anyone who would tell my parents to know. What do i do? also please forgive me for my awful grammer, punctuation, spelling and writing in general. I also dont think half of it makes sense sorry. Merry Christmas

white knight

Hi, welcome

Gee, you have a lot on your plate, Lets see if I can make sense of it all.

To understand others, like parents you need to first realise why this is happening (it doesnt mean I endorse them). 1. Parent with teenagers dont realise their children grow up faster than what they can adapt to. For them one day you are playing with Barbie dolls the next you're preparing for uni. The next you're dating. In a few short years they need to catch up. Same with barging into your bedroom. 2. It is possible parents are too keen on providing the best life and opportunities for their kids without realising your capacity to cope with it all. You then complain and they automatically think this is a common teenage whinge or laziness. 3. Parents are often unaware of their childs sensitivity levels which most drifts away as you mature like sharing videos to others. 4. Hobbies like ice skating wont earn money so they could be career oriented.

Most if not all conflicts are resolved with negotiation and if thats possible you'll have to make concessions somewhere. Draw up you priorities or take action that is different from how you do things now.

1. Place a sign on your bedroom door "please knock and wait for permission to enter- thankyou". If that doesnt work it will highlight the extent of THEIR problem not yours. Hoping it is just habit you mum cant get out of.

2. Tackle issue with "wit" not moaning. What I mean is they see it as moaning. So learn the art of answering them with questions. eg them- you ahve to have that many singing lessons" You- "so my happiness is less important than your ambitions to make me a singer"? Them- "but its good because if you fail uni" You- "so my mental health is less important"? It enforces them to justify their decisions that doesnt take into account your feelings , heavy schedule, fun times and your own decisions.

3. Attend a GP clinic. Those of us that have fallen low enough to consider suicide or even attempted know in hindsight that prevention of entering that line of thought is far better than allowing other people to inadvertently push you down it. When parents are wrong you must take charge...sadly

At the same time there is a good side here. They love you like you love them, in fact love has little to do with this situation. The real problem is that this lack of considering your wishes will damage that love as you spiral into depression or anger. So, I recognise your need for resolution.

Teenagers older than say 15yo need a different level of respect from parents than when younger. Privacy is the best example you have to use to your advantage whenever they treat you younger than what you are. "Parents in my view listen to their children when they ask privacy and permission to enter their bedroom, if you cant change the habit of barging in then you have a problem and I expect you to abide by my wishes and thats the case with making me do activities I no longer want to do. (ask the question) "So how would you respond if you were made to run a marathon"?

I am here daily. If you have trouble with the above I'll answer your replies if you desire.

Merry xmas. And relax ok. ps your grammer was fine

TonyWK

not_dead_yet

Thank you 🙂

Although i cant attend a gp because i have strict rules with going out and i dont have my own medicare card i will try the rest

Im not sure if i will be able to wrap my head around speaking to my parents like that but i will try my best hahhh. I think i have autism and adhd i am not diagnosed though and i have had many comments about this as well...

Thank you so much

not_dead_yet

Not so sure if it aligns with the topic but im gonna put it here. I spend 20 minutes debating with myself not to do something. Well i did it because i dont have any self control. Now my anxiety is through the roof. Along with my urges to sh. Welp any ways to help with my self control? My anxiety and sh issues cant be helped for now. Not until i can move out with my own medicare and freedom to move around and see a gp ot therapist so uh. Advice for self control please and thank you. Happy new year yall

white knight

Hi

Self control, lack thereof, covers many topics eg eating urges. But we shame ourselves that we take blame in what comes natural for us as individuals. Eg i come from a long line of obese family members so with my own eating disorder why do I blame myself. Blaming yourself is like worry, it only produces ulcers.

So there comes a time when professional help is the only logical method to treat your body and mind.

Professionals treat the core problem like anxiety that leads to loose bowel movements or fears. GP can treat symptoms that can reduce your likelihood of the embarrassment of a public "accident?". So there is help available.

I found with anxiety you are wise to implement short, medium and long term goals. Anxiety is a serious illness that needs routine relaxation exercises and several lifestyle changes. Its all mentioned in the following thread.

Google- beyondblue anxiety, how l eliminated it

I hope that helps. Reply anytime im here daily

TonyWK

not_dead_yet

Hi again. Im a little worried im posting way too much than i should be. I feel like i am abusing this site and overstaying my welcome. sorry about that. I made a decision a few months back and almost immediately after i regretted it. This is something that is hard to change back. I have already submitted the form to reverse my choice and it is out of my hand whether it is actually able to be reversed. This decision directly impacts the next two years of my life and potentially even longer. It could take a gigantic metal toll on me and i feel like it already has. Since the holidays started i have had more time to think and it is keeping me up at night. I feel very restless like my body is turning inside out. I constantly feel panicked and have a very short temper. I have lost my self control and have sh again recently... of course it is not just the decision i made that is making me feel this way. I know that i not have any control over what happens next and cannot turn back time to change it. Is there anything that could help? I have strict rules in going out and can't see a gp and i can't find the words to describe anything or stay on topic in webchats either. I have tried distracting myself and staying away from a screen before bed and it hasn't been working. I would mainly like any advice with sleep? Thank you. Happy new year!!!!

white knight

Hi,

You aren't posting "too much", we are here to help you and its not unusual to have several issues on your mind.

I used to have problems getting to sleep, not now. Google-

Beyondblue a good night's deep sleep

A very active mind will keep you awake. To counter that try being distracted with a hobby. On time I had a jigsaw in a spare room. Did 20 pieces then I no longer thought about what was on my mind.

We have a large library here. Use search. Try inserting-

Distraction
Motivation
Worry
Relaxation

Etc

I hope that helps. Reply anytime im here daily

TonyWK