Not sure why I'm even posting in here

[Josie17]

I mean, even now as I type, I feel like such an imposter. But tonight, I'm struggling hard. I've been cooped up inside for almost 2 weeks (not covid, pneumonia) and I feel so despondent and like I'm not really worth much of anything. I have two gorgeous kids and an amazing partner but I know right now I'm not the person he fell in love with and tonight, I feel like he's pushing me away because I'm just too much for him. Or not enough. And there's a logical part of me that knows that's not true (he has said to me before that I can try and push him away, he isn't going anywhere) but honestly... why would he stick around? I feel disgusting, useless, worthless, pathetic... I want help, but I don't want help because I think this is how I deserve to feel. I don't know if I should just resign myself to this fact and learn to deal, instead of whinge.

[Sophie_M]

Hey Josie, thank you for reaching out to the Beyond Blue community tonight. It sounds like a very overwhelming and difficult night for you. We're so sorry to hear how useless and pathetic you feel at the moment. Please know that you are neither of these things and from your post, we can see that you're a very appreciative and introspective person and are deserving of help. 

If you feel up to it, we'd recommend reaching out to our Coronavirus Mental Wellbeing Support Service. The website will be regularly updated with information, advice and strategies to help you manage your wellbeing and mental health during this time. You can also call our dedicated support line, staffed by mental health professionals, which is available 24/7 on 1800 512 348.

Please know that you've come to a safe, non-judgemental space to talk about your thoughts and feelings, and our wonderful community is here to provide you with as much support, advice and conversation as you need. We hope that you keep checking in to let us know how you're going, whenever you feel up to it. 

[Ggrand]

Hello Josie,

I would like to warmly welcome you to the forums....This is a very caring community...I’m so pleased you reach out..Sophie has given you some really good numbers to ring..Please if you need to, give them a ring..They are very caring and understanding..

No One is not worth help dear Josie...You’re going through a hard time and need help (as you have written)...Please don’t be afraid to reach out for help with your GP....it’s so important to get all the help you need and deserve...It’s so very hard to manage depression on your own...

You’re partner sounds like he loves you a lot and wants to help you... Have you sat down quietly with your partner and told him your thoughts and how your feeling...if Not is that something that you would consider?...

Depression tells us lies...and we believe it ..when we shouldn’t...You have two gorgeous children and an amazing partner...listen to the logical part of your thoughts lovely lady..that’s the truthful part...Try to not listen to the negative thoughts, they are the lies..

Can I ask you if theirs something that you enjoy doing for yourself, reading, computer games, listening to music, going for a nice walk with your children and partner! knitting etc..that you can do when the negative thoughts start up...Distracting your negative thoughts by doing something that you like can help to give your mind a rest..

Dear Josie...Please try hard to reach out to professionals and not to resign yourself to the fact that you must deal with this alone..

Please take care of you the best you can..you matter to us..and are here to help you as much as we can...

Talk here anytime you feel up to it...We are listening and you are not alone..

Kind and caring thoughts..

Grandy..

[mocha delight]

First welcome Josie 17 and I agree with everything ggrand has said. Those feelings you described I had pre my antidepressant and sometimes still do. We are all here for you and we all still have some down days sometimes which is normal 🤗

[SamanthaL]

Hi Josie!

I wanted to say well done on posting, even though you mentioned feeling like an imposter and I sense the feeling of 'what is the point?' in reaching out, just by doing that is a good step forward! It is so important to not be so hard on yourself, I understand this is a hard mindset to shift, but by trying to do one thing a day that might make you feel a bit better, no matter how small, in the end it all adds up!

[SarahZ]

Hello Josie17,

Welcome to the forums and thank you for reaching out. I'm so sorry to hear that you have been feeling really down and dispirited lately. However, just know you are definitely worthy of all the love your two beautiful children, your partner, and your family and friends all give you. Have your feelings of yourself been rather recent or have you had these thoughts for a while now?

I see Sophie has provided you with some really helpful links which I think might be really beneficial checking out. There is also the Beyond Blue Support Service, which is available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 3pm-12am AEST on the website www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport. They have super friendly counsellors who can offer some really helpful advice and support.

In the mean time Ggrand has mentioned a great point about distracting yourself from negative thoughts. Especially during current times where constantly being at home forces us to brew in our thoughts, it's always nice to engage in some different activities to keep our minds pre-occupied. Do you have any particular hobbies you really enjoy?

Please keep us updated if you feel up to it!

Sending you positive thoughts ~

[geoff]

HelloJosie, can I add to the encouraging words from those above that no one could possibly be an imposter in these current circumstances, especially when you're feeling 'despondent and like I'm not really worth much of anything', I don't think you are any different to how many of us feel, well how many cakes can you bake before that also becomes tiresome, let alone waiting for a burger or KFC and freely walk into the shop.

The way you are feeling should not reflect the person you are because if you avoid any fears you may have it could be worse for you, easier said than done, because don't we tend to walk around the block the easy way or to avoid someone who won't stop talking, but perhaps staying at home maybe different.

The kids could be entertaining themselves or too full in continuing to eat the cakes, do something that you may have long wanted to do, but never had the time, do you like drawing, cartoon figures, your kids can join in.

We hope you can get back to us.

Geoff.

[onthefence]

So sorry to hear you are struggling - but thank you for reaching out! Please continue to do so and let us know how it goes.

When I have those anxiety driven fears that I was worthless I really struggle - it can be tough! Talking it out helps me - as it's often easier to drown out those negative thoughts in my own mind when I have someone else encouraging me. How we feel is so personal and people won't know unless we open up, as you are doing here. It's not whinging at all, it's just sharing your feelings.

I hope you are feeling better today and you've been able to look at that service Josie provided. Your GP can also be very helpful too! You're not alone.