Newbie

[K2169]

Hi everyone - I am new to this forum looking for advice & reassurance from those like myself. I am a 29yo female who has had ongoing anxiety/depression issues for the last few years. Its something I suffer with pretty much daily. I was unfortunate enough to lose 4 close family members in the years from 19-21y including one parent. Its been a struggle ever since. Everyones always said to me I dont know 'how you have managed & gotten on with it' - little do they know I really haven't. Ive become a really nervous person who worries constantly about everything but comes across as happy & who jokes - its usually to hide the fact Im feeling anxious and worried and that I dont want others to either worry about me or alternatively think Im 'having issues'. I find myself being used alot by people who can see Im 'soft' & have no idea how to stand up for myself - Im forever finding myself caring for others and putting myself out even if its not in my best interests. Im really looking for people to chat to who can give me advice on how to be a stronger person, try to learn what makes me struggle so much with the fact of saying no, and help to maybe understand why I cant move past the grief of losing my family when it has been such a long time. I want to learn to enjoy life while I have it. Thank you for those who took the time out to read.

[themadchatter]

Hello K2169

You're story really touched me. I feel for you. While I haven't lost family members in such a short period of time I have had several tragedies within my own life. I feel I can relate to you. How you described yourself sounds alot like how I am as well. I tend to joke as a way of making everything seem fine in my life. I'm not a qualified counsellor but I'll do my best to try and help you feel better by talking with you whenever you feel low

From TMC

[white knight]

Hi k, welcome

Sorry for your loss. We all grieve differently and fir different lengths if time. Take all the time you need.

Perhaps a few threads i started you can google might help.

Topic: be radical- beyondblue

Topic:depression, a ship on the high seas- beyondblue

Topic: depression and sensitivity, a connection- beyondblue

Also some non religious YouTube clips that I've been listening to fir 30 years.

YouTube maharaji prem rawat sunset

YouTube maharaji Prem rawat the perfect instrument

Good to see you here

Tony WK

[K2169]

Themadchatters thank you for your response - it definitely helps to know Im not alone in my thoughts & actions. My biggest trouble is my work environment in relating to my anxiety and feeling used. The stress it causes brings me down even when Im starting to feel up and leads me to revisit my past traumas and feels asthough it 'kicks off' my depression again. Ive had a bad run with work places. Ive always been a very hard worker but have found myself unfortunate enough to be employed by people who use this against me. They see me as an easy target to overload with work and unreasonable hours as they know I am weak and will accept and run myself raggered to complete everything. I rarely ever, if ever, take annual leave or sick leave as I fear I am judged or out of guilt for other co workers. However others do regularly, usually to my disadvantage and its become a pattern over the years. I get guilted into doing extra work, extra shifts even though it chews into my down time leaving me feeling used and over worked. I now see that they 'see me coming' & often feel angry at myself for allowing these situations to continue. Ive noticed a trend of co workers point blank saying no to extra work/shifts and it being dismissed yet on opportunities when I have attempted to refuse I have been met with interogation as to why & often been guilted into going forward - I find it difficult to make up reasons on the spot & my constant fear of conflict or being disliked forces me into taking on situations even if it leaves me feeling angry and pathetic. This is true for both work & out of work. My fear of conflict rules my life and I dont know how to stop it. I dont even know when this originated or where it came from. A simple misunderstanding can leave me shaking, sweaty and in tears. As soon as I feel like this is leaves me dwelling on my past and feeling well sorry for myself. Feelings of why is life so hard, why did this all happen to me, why do I get used and allow it to happen. I often feel unappreciated. I have a very supportive fiance - however he doesnt understand my feelings truely as he hasnt experienced loss and is a very strong standing person who doesnt 'take any crap'. I know it frustrates him to see me being treated this way & at times I will fail to tell him how I am feeling or whats going on because of it. My mum also really worries about me as well - often blames herself for 'not getting you counselling when all this happened'.

[themadchatter]

Hey K2169

You mentioned your co-workers have refused to go above and beyond when asked to do tasks but when you get asked they guilt you into doing more than anyone else, is there a way you can speak to a manager addressing concerns over that. You shouldn't be overworked simply because others refuse to do their bit.

TMC

[K2169]

I think I will have to try and address this is my earliest chance - I have had bad experiences with this in the past that when I have spoken up I am made to feel as though I am being unreasonable or unhelpful when truthfully I am only doing so in that it is affecting me greatly enough that I have needed to. I think my inability to look past my own needs and only concentrating on others has left me in a situation that I dont act on anything out of worry of peoples reaction. I often over analyze what people say & conversations that I have with people to confirm they were positive, and to reassure myself I wasn't negative or that what I said couldnt have been misinterpreted - I literally cant deal with it being a possible conflict or someone being upset with me. Is this something connected to anxiety? I often find myself awake at night going over things multiple times when it fact, like my fiance has said, the other people involved have likely even given it a second thought. Although I know he is likely correct its become such a habit I cannot stop!

[themadchatter]

Hey K2169

I'm no expert on anxiety symptoms and how they manifest..so don't take my word for it. It does seem like you being greatly concerned more so than regular about a conversation turning into conflict could be one of the ways anxiety is affecting you. Maybe a good idea when and if you find yourself having a conversation about work tasks just calmly ask the co workers what they are thinking..perhaps most of the time it's not really ever going to lead to conflict.

I'll do my best to keep trying to help

TMC