Newbie... University kicks my butt sometimes!

[Sara_P]

Hey guys,

So this is my first time ever posting on a forum about my life. Umm, I guess I will start with a little bit about me.

I have suffered from anxiety and depression since 15 years old. Struggling with being bullied at school, I developed an eating disorder, which led to server depression and slowly morphed into me feeling like an empty shell, an altered version of who I remember being. My early 20's saw a heavy reliance on drugs and alcohol before an inevitable break down. It was really difficult coming to terms with knowing I didn't have the answers or correct tools to help myself. At the time, I sought out a psychologist and got the help I needed.

It has been nearly 7 years; I'm studying full time at uni and get so angry and frustrated with myself sometimes. I had this idea that my depression and anxiety was a phase and I'd do the hard work and then it would just go, leave my body and some how this 'normal life' would just start to happen, and I'd be living it and barely remember my past...this is obviously not reality.

I'm currently struggling with uni, I best describe it as 'dragging myself through mud;' some days I am motivated, some days my chest hurts with anxiety, and some days I just cry. Guess the whole point of this post is just to say that I'm now starting to work through the next section of my life; Living with anxiety and depression.

Thank you for taking the time to read my post and allowing me to lighten my load just a little.

Kind regards.

[Lici]

Hi Sara P,

Welcome to the forums! It's a really supportive non-jugemental place here, so you've come to the right place to lighten your load!

I can really empathise with what you're going through. I too am at uni and have suffered from depression, ptsd and now anxiety and have lived with mental illness since a child. Uni can be super hard when dealing with mental health issues as well and I totally understand what you mean by 'dragging through the mud'! I've found having a disability access plan has really helped. I'm in the middle of 3rd year at the moment and it's really been invaluable for when my mental health kicks my butt and I need an extension etc. Do you have a disability access plan at all?

With mental illness, unfortunately for many it's a life-long struggle, but one thing that does get easier is learning how to deal with things. My last psychologist taught me how to recognise triggers etc through cbt and now I can tell what's anxiety related and what's not. I find being conscious of my reactions is helpful in dealing with it all because I can get a handle on it better. Have you seen a psychologist or tried cbt at all for your anxiety and depression?

Thanks for posting your story. It's really helpful for people to know they're not alone in their struggles. I hope to hear back from you 😊

Kind regards,

Lici

[Sara_P]

Hey Lici,

I'm in my third year too, we are so close to the end! I haven't heard of a disability access plan before, can you tell me more about it? In regards to CBT, I have read a few books about it but I think part of the reason I signed up on here was to gain the courage to see a psychologist again, I feel the issues worked through years ago are no longer relevant and perhaps I need some new strategies.

I really appreciated your comment "I find being conscious of my reactions is helpful in dealing with it all because I can get a handle on it better" - just hearing your words are so powerful and reassuring that I am actually making progress, and it sounds like you have come such a far way too.

Regards, S

[quirkywords]

Sara

welcome to the forum . This is a caring and supportive community.

Lici has written a supportive and understanding repl.

I had a very difficult time studying many decades ago before mental illness was acknowledged or spoken about.

Now there are counsellors at college have you ever spoken to one.?

You are not alone .It is a struggle but there isnhelp available.

Quirky

[Lici]

Hi Sara, (and quirky!)

I'm not sure which uni you go to so I'm not sure of the process at yours, I go to Flinders uni though and they have disability support services which includes mental illness. The disability support officer can arrange a disability access plan which is given to lecturers (by you) at the start of semester with a list of things they should be aware of. For mine, it includes that I may not be able to attend lectures and tutorials at times, that I cannot attend lectures before 10am and that I am to be allowed extensions for assignments without having to provide a medical certificate. It then covers exams as well where I have no morning exams and am put in an alternate room.

The disability officer will sit with you and go through your mental illness and what you think you may find difficulty with and write it up. The lecturers aren't informed of your illness in any way unless you disclose it to them voluntarily. It has been the difference between me getting good grades and probably dropping out to be honest!

I really do encourage you to see a psych. I know that talking about things doesn't work for me so when I see a psych I find one that does cbt so I can be proactive about feeling better. It really depends on what you'll find helpful. Just remember that psych's are people too and will differ in personality and if you find one that doesn't 'sit' right with you, you're allowed to find someone else.

We really are near the end aren't we?! I'm kind of in the middle though because I'm studying to be a psychologist so have to do honours and then master's or phd after. Still! Only a semester to go until we can officially say we have a bachelor's! Be proud of yourself, it takes a strong person to be able to do uni with a mental illness without supports in place! You rock!

Lici

[Sara_P]

Hi Quirky and Lici.

I'm currently studying through Charles Sturt, via distance. Quirky, I have spoken to a counsellor at my uni before but as all of my content is online, the only communication I am able to get is through email or phone conversations. This has felt a little discounting when trying to communicate my issues across - and ironically here I am, on here typing too haha!!

Thanks for the information Lici, how funny, I'm studying psychology too. Originally I wanted to go through to clinical psych but think after honours next year I will leave it there, with a Bach Psych. I'm really not enjoying uni, perhaps this is a mixture of just not how I like to learn as well as finding it constantly exhausting with my anxiety always on the cusp of turning into a melt down.

S.

[Lici]

Hi Sara,

Ahh ok, I think distance learning changes things. I'm not knowledgeable on what support is available for distance learners. A disability access plan still should be though, I'd contact the disability support services at your uni.

It's a shame that you're not enjoying uni. Have you thought about studying it on campus instead of distance (if that's an option of course). I find making myself go to tutorials and any compulsory lectures (I watch the rest online) makes me enjoy it a little more and I find it a bit easier. If I find something super difficult I can make an appointment to see the lecturer etc. I don't think I would have stuck with it if I was doing it all online. Psychology is so hard!!! I don't think people actually realise how full on lecture content is!

I'm hoping I get into honours next year! That whole "p's get degrees" makes me laugh now. They don't if you want to get into honours in psych! That pressure for 75% Cs and 25% Ds is what messes with my anxiety. I'm sure we'll both be fine though!

Anyways, it was nice to hear from you again! I need to go watch a 2 hour lecture and work on an assignment lol. If I don't answer for a bit, It's because I'm reviewing hard for exams! Good luck with it all! Let me know if you find any of the information for access plans and what they do for external students, that would be interesting to know.

Kind regards,

Lici