Newbie - Overwhelmed with anxiety and depression/loneliness

[Niltiac]

Hi,

My name is Caitlin. I was diagnosed with anxiety when I was 9 years old and am now more than double that age. I'm constantly battling intrusive thoughts and I feel insane. When i'm in public I can't stop thinking about if a terrorist attack is about to happen or become paranoid that someone is stalking me and I then go on to think about how that person will murder me. It's hard to explain, but my brain is not a peaceful place and i'd love a break from it. It's exhausting and debilitating. I can't do many things by myself and my friends and family don't understand. Most of the time they get mad at me for being anxious. I've seen a psychologist off and on and have taken medication in the past, but my mental illness always pops up, just when I think it's gone away. My anxiety has led to OCD and depression. Lately what has made everything so much worse is that I have no friends. I have no one to talk to and I spend most nights crying myself to sleep. After unsuccessfully finding someone I know to talk to and trying "talk with strangers" who were all inappropriate, I stumbled across this. I'm excited to hopefully make friends with people who understand what i'm going through and to hopefully help other people 🙂

[geoff]

hi Caitlin, welcome to the site and thanks for posting your comment, and yes I know what you are saying because I've had OCD for many years and for those people who don't have OCD can't believe what goes through our mind nor can they believe what we have to physically and mentally have to do because of this illness.

Never feel as though you are insane when you have these intrusive thoughts, it's part of the illness which many people do actually suffer from, however if you tell someone who doesn't have this illness they are not going to understand your thoughts.

Any mental illness can come and go when we least expect it to, we don't or can't plan it that way and so do these intrusive thoughts which we always believe are going to happen, but from my long experience not one has ever come true, but please feel comfortable being here, you have already made a friend. Geoff.

[Birdy77]

Hi Caitlin,

Welcome to the forums 😊

There are lots of caring people here and you can talk about your feelings freely without judgement.

I understand how exhausting it is to have an unpeaceful brain. I'm sorry you're feeling so overwhelmed.

Hopefully it will help to be here and get some of your thoughts out of your head and unload a bit to people who understand.

You said you've had counselling in the past, do you think now might be a good time to try that again? You said also you have meds in the past, have you thought about perhaps seeing your dr and talking about your options? It would be good to get these things a little more under control.

Please talk as much as you like here.

You can lay some of your burdens down.

🌻birdy

[Bethie]

Hi

Welcome to BB. Having anxiety and depression is hard work. Every time I think I'm getting on top of it something happens to remind me that nope it's only a reprieve but the good news is I know at least for me I can look back and know what ţo do to be safe. You have heaps of freinds here now🤗🤗.

Just as a idea. Get comfortable here and slowly you may find that the social skills carry on to all parts of your life.

We even have our own cafe here☕🍰. So stop in and say hi.

[Evet]

Hi Niltiac so sorry to hear what you are going through. Like you, I have turned to this forum for support and guidance. I wish you all the best and all I can offer you is “keep fighting, seek professional help and things will start to turn for you”. Just chip away !

[Sad_Mushroom]

Hi Caitlin,

I just popped in to say Hello and Welcome.

Hope you settle in here and enjoy your time here as much as we all do.

SM

[Niltiac]

Thank you for your kindness and understanding Geoff, it is much appreciated.

[Niltiac]

Hi Birdy, thank you for the lovely welcome! Yes I have recently seen my GP to get a mental health plan and referral, but am having a hard time finding a psychologist that will be right for me. I'm not keen on going back on medicine but am aware it may be what I need to do, so I will bring this up when I eventually find a psychologist. Thanks again 🙂

[Niltiac]

Thank you so much for the welcome Bethie!

[Niltiac]

Thank you Evet, i'll keep that quote in mind. All the best to you too!