Hello Everyone😊... I’m SuzyD ... I’m a 49 year old woman ... divorced ... 3 adult children, 1 son-in-law & 3 adorable grand-babies ... no pets ... 3 tree’s in pots that are still living (touch wood😂) I joined BB because since a trauma at aged 7 (and various events over the years, including 17 years in a religious cult-like situation, of which I’ve broken away from), I have struggled to make lasting connections w ppl ... I’ve only recently learned the reasons for that struggle, after discovering an incredible author called Brené Brown ... she’s a Social Worker/Shame Researcher ... many of you have possibly heard of her work ... her books have totally floored me; it was like the penny dropped after watching her TED Talk, and reading her books ... anyway, I’m not here to promote her, hehe, but just sharing how enlightening it has been learning the results of her research and now I understand so much more about why I am the way I am ... I know it’ll take time to repair the damage that was done, but in the meantime, I’d love to meet and begin to make connections w new ppl on here, and hear your own stories.. Brené talks about Guilt & Shame ... Guilt is: I have done something wrong ... and Shame is: I am wrong! This mindset of ‘I am wrong’, and feeling like I’m not worthy of love, belonging and connection, is the struggle ... we are wired for connection, but when we can’t connect, or don’t know how, we self-destruct, of which I did ... I have Diffuse Scleroderma, an auto-immune disease, which is an over production of collagen in my body; it affects my entire body, including internal organs ... one theory for causing this kind of disease is stress & anxiety, of which I had been in this state for many years ... I’m not saying this is the cause of all medical issues, but I feel this is a strong possibility for mine! My stress and anxiety was made up of a fear that I’m not loved or worthy of being loved, and that I don’t fit/belong anywhere; survival mode or fight or flight ... my default reaction is to disappear and hide away when I’m sensing rejection, and so I’m now learning how to have courage and to address the issues that trouble me, as they happen, instead of holding on to them, hidden away, stewing on them, on my own ... Silence keeps me in shame , while empathy is the antidote to shame ... this is why websites like this are so valuable, so thank you to BB, you’re doing a stunning job!😊 Anyway, that’s a little bit of my story ... Thanks for listening!
